Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
So, even the dog can tell you're not a lady, but a tramp.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Y'all are a bunch of *******, LYING DOWN to recover?? What in the **** is wrong with you?! I mean seriously, lying down? Whenever I'm trying to recover, I do so by running across america 47 times while carrying an elephant in a forrest gump t shirt over my shoulder, and when I finish that in approximately 32.00839721 seconds flat, I bench press your mom 1 and a half times, cuz that's all I'm capble of. when I finish with that, I go deep sea diving in a sea of naked Martian women, isn't quite as nice as it sounds, I mean they have 8 vaginas each, but it's like Russian roullette as to which one will or will not tear off your penis-- not fun, trust me! But it's not too bad when you get used to it, as long as you drink long enough for them to look relatively like humans, which isn't too hard from the front, but you don't want to look from behind or you'll turn to stone. good for me though because I'm not a huge fan of anal, unless the girll is a buttterface, which land o lakes or I can't believe it ain't butter is a decent substitute for a butterface prostitute, if you're interested, I can hook you up with captain hook and his unicorn, now that's a bad ass wingman right there. Your penis will thank me!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
Rotties 0
you were lying on the floor?!?
Chri55yT33n 0
For **** sake OP, Answer the question! Why were you lying on the floor ?!?!?!!
LuCanO 0
A lot of people lie down on the floor after painful surgeries because the coldness of the floor helps to relieve the pain, believe it or not. FYL OP I can only imagine how painful must that be. I hope you get better soon. And for the trolls yeah, sometimes are funny, but come on making fun of other's suffering is just lame, because you would be crazy mad if someone would be making fun of your suffering, I'm going to make sure of breaking some troll's arm if I ever get to see you and a couple of days later I'm going to hit you again on that arm, to see if you laugh and when you complain about it on the interweb I will laugh a lot.
holleymoffat 0
ydi for owning a dog..
Compass 0
Why does the human body suck so much? Appendicitis, wisdom teeth, etc.
bleedingglitter 24
Because it wasn't designed very intelligently...
psychoIogical 12
clearly not 102, if it was designed intelligently we wouldn't have you now would we?
cupsie89 0
I have a feeling your dog secretly hates you... =)
Focker218_fml 0
Dang, you should get a real dog
buzZKillian 1
boohoo you whiney ass, I was working two days after I had mine out
buzZKillian 1
Oh, and 81, you're pathetic. only 12 year olds and trolls talk trash from the safety of their computer. Ironic.
joshdairyman 6
i just had mine removed. i got punched by some jerk. hurts