Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML
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Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
So, even the dog can tell you're not a lady, but a tramp.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Y'all are a bunch of *******, LYING DOWN to recover?? What in the **** is wrong with you?! I mean seriously, lying down? Whenever I'm trying to recover, I do so by running across america 47 times while carrying an elephant in a forrest gump t shirt over my shoulder, and when I finish that in approximately 32.00839721 seconds flat, I bench press your mom 1 and a half times, cuz that's all I'm capble of. when I finish with that, I go deep sea diving in a sea of naked Martian women, isn't quite as nice as it sounds, I mean they have 8 vaginas each, but it's like Russian roullette as to which one will or will not tear off your penis-- not fun, trust me! But it's not too bad when you get used to it, as long as you drink long enough for them to look relatively like humans, which isn't too hard from the front, but you don't want to look from behind or you'll turn to stone. good for me though because I'm not a huge fan of anal, unless the girll is a buttterface, which land o lakes or I can't believe it ain't butter is a decent substitute for a butterface prostitute, if you're interested, I can hook you up with captain hook and his unicorn, now that's a bad ass wingman right there. Your penis will thank me!
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Comments (104)
opalitepetals 0
ouchie! I know exactly how that feels. Like your insides are being burnt with a torch or something! Last year i had my gallbladder removed. I was laying on the couch and we have one of those huge "cat condo" perches with the carpet behind the couch. All 4 of my cats jumped on my stomach one by one from the cat perch behind the couch. Worst pain Ive ever been in but was too drugged up to actually move. Pets are cruel. You think they love you, but in your darkest hour they'll use you as a landing pad without second thought. LOL.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Ouch. I think I should move my cat condo before something like this happens to me!
Dudeitscaleb 0
sucks to be you nerd
wDeemish 0
oh what a bitch :
WickedWendigoX 0
hahahahaha!!! xD funnehh
sugarnspicee 8
Ooo, ouch.
kitxxkat1408 0
The same exact thing happened to me too
GeekMaster6000 3
I definitely feel your pain, but you deserve it for laying anywhere that an animal can jump on you.
prettybird_5 0
my dog always does that *** :)
christa953 12
hilarious
glambert1998 0
sounds like it hurt
manonwater 0
Ouch!!! Dogs can be such pains sometimes!!!