Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it... - FML

By locker - 16/9/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

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Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Compassion

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 29/11/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

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By Lola - 8/8/2010 14:32 - United Kingdom

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

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By RabbitOwner - 7/1/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

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By Text - 25/4/2011 16:27 - United States

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

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By cande - 1/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 11:12 - Switzerland

Today, I ate lunch alone. None of my colleagues saved me a seat. One of those colleagues was my husband. He didn't even have the decency to move so that I wouldn't have to eat alone. FML

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By slicero - 7/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2012 01:31 - United States - Danbury

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

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By marisacb - 13/3/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

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By trippybmth - 23/12/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

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By ali grace - 14/5/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

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By his word vs mine = me suspended - 10/8/2013 18:41 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

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By desertboi69 - 16/3/2019 16:00 - United States - Ridgecrest

Today, I was preparing my raw meat with tire grease. Literally. My girlfriend replaced my teriyaki sauce with tire grease, because, she later told me, she had sex with my best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2019 18:00

Today, while on a beach with my 3 year-long boyfriend, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

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By crushed - 11/12/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Diego

Happy Halloween?

Today, I saw photos of my roommate a recent party. OK, I'll admit I'm a little dark-skinned, but was it really necessary for him to color his face in black marker so he could go as "me" for a Halloween party? FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2013 03:45 - United States - Portland

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 00:29 - United States - Wooster

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

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By Jack - 1/2/2009 08:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

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By rocks_hurt - 16/8/2018 13:00

Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML

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By bongoboy - 25/4/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

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By Syrinth - 21/7/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

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By ohh jeez. - 21/2/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

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By Not-pregnant - 20/4/2014 17:21 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

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By stop_crying - 11/5/2016 18:55 - United States

Today, a twelve year-old girl was better at calming down my six month-old baby on the bus than me. FML

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By woahlaura - 14/2/2016 16:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2019 06:33

Today, I began writing thank-you cards for the gifts I got for my 21st birthday. To one set of grandparents, I wrote, "Thank you for the dancing chicken toy," and to the others I wrote, "Thank you for the $10 check." Those were the only gifts. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2013 17:44 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

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By Salliemae - 11/8/2018 07:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

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By grlks - 19/2/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

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By x_udontknowme_x - 5/1/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2012 09:45 - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

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By ChubbyTubby - 17/1/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

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By tired - 16/1/2013 19:02 - United States - Boston

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

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By lydia - 1/7/2020 08:08

Like that's an excuse

Today, my mother screamed at me because she thinks I peed on the toilet seat. Not my dad, me. I’m a girl. FML

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Top comments

By random210 | 0

#1415526 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:25

bahahaha. I always had that problem in high school.

By b_anhero | 0

#1416091 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:06

look on the bright side: your natural reflex is to charge, head first, into danger.

Comments

By random210 | 0

#1415526 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:25

bahahaha. I always had that problem in high school.

Reply

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1415545 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:32

i always hit the kid with the locker below mine in the head

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#1415558 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:38

You two are lucky, we can't have lockers :/

Reply

LOLatU87 | 0

#1415571 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:45

BOOM!!!

Headshot?

Reply

FirstBornUnicorn | 0

#1415601 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:56

I don't have lockers at my highschool either. We don't need lockers because we don't use textbooks.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1415629 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:10

Darn it my comment didn't show and I'm not gonna type it again I wish I could post a dam comment, but noo! it's like tryna winn the lottery posting a comment!

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1415646 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:21

yea but now you can make up a cool story about how you saved a baby from vicious lions and then once you killed the lions an animal rights advocate came up to you and punched you in the eye. You're gonna get so much pussi.

Reply

woofis | 0

#1415647 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:21

my highschool is so ghetto. we have cubbys that go so high people have to climb up on everybody elses to get to theirs. it always smells bad, you cab see the vents, one day there where just maggots crawling around.

Reply

Jessi2487 | 0

#1415697 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:41

25- ur school does use textbooks?? either u go to school in LAUSD or some forgot to order some... jus sayin

Reply

ladies_man217 | 0

#1415732 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:48

This is a stupid fml

Reply

Abbie_luv | 0

#1415787 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:00

we dont hve lockers either v.v

Reply

Abbie_luv | 0

#1415898 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:23

we dont hve lockers either v.v

Reply

WearingHats | 14

#1415917 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:24

I'm sure you're getting a fantastic education.

Reply

partridgeA | 0

#1415949 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:31

we have a fairly small school so we all have lockers that are big so no one is under/over you :P

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1415998 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:41

I never use my locker, so I don't think I will have this problem unless she gets mad at me for ignoring her. Lockers can be sadistic little bitches!

Reply

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1416013 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:43

hahahaha this fml Is so funny! lmao!!

Reply

remy3106 | 10

#1416073 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:59

41 the op is a girl lol unless she is a lesbian I don't think she will be getting any pussy

Reply

b_anhero | 0

#1416091 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:06

look on the bright side: your natural reflex is to charge, head first, into danger.

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1416282 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:46

106 oh never mind then, she still has to make up a story tho.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1416380 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:06

She could say she was in a abusive relationship and needs to be comforted. or she got in a catfight with another bitchy girl

Reply

omgiitsme03 | 0

#1416389 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:07

gotta be smarter than the locker.

Reply

rallets | 22

#1416423 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:19

i fought the locker and the locker won, i fought the locker and the locker won

Reply

remy3106 | 10

#1416465 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:31

117 I agree with u, she needs to seem likeless of a loser haha but she mght be gettin some dick!

Reply

deathcab7 | 0

#1416694 - Friday 17 September 2010 4:38

i would have loved to see this op.

Reply

izzyfiorent | 0

#1416704 - Friday 17 September 2010 4:42

same

Reply

turtlemansam | 6

#1416906 - Friday 17 September 2010 5:46

Notice, even though they changed the reply system, PPL STILL REPLY TO FIRST COMMENT!

Reply

iSnowboard | 0

#1417042 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:24

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

Jessi2487 | 0

#1417085 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:34

137 and so did u

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1417125 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:47

123 oh yea guys love it when girls have black eyes, I think it's so sexy lol jk.

Reply

airpoft | 0

#1419019 - Friday 17 September 2010 16:21

karma WIN

Reply

Lils123 | 0

#1419680 - Friday 17 September 2010 19:03

LMFAO! Good one!

By CelloNerd | 0

#1415527 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:25

fun

Reply

mrfruits | 0

#1415953 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:32

cunty mc fun

Reply

bravesfan112233 | 0

#1416076 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:00

frail

By Anteezy | 7

#1415530 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:26

Way too long not an fml, just you being stupid.

By ZomgWeAreClubKid | 0

#1415531 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:26

Hahaha, this just made my day. XD

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1415630 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:10

u are cute as hell

Reply

underaegis | 0

#1417872 - Friday 17 September 2010 7:41

heh mine too

Reply

WTSchool | 0

#3274560 - Monday 12 September 2011 0:17

Me three. I laughed pretty darn hard at the image of this. xDD

Reply

kristadoodle | 8

#5430304 - Monday 1 April 2013 10:21

It reminds me of an episode of Spongebob when he tries to open a tube of toothpaste with a wrench and ends up with a blackeye. x.o

By 5up3rTAN | 0

#1415539 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:28

this did nothing for me :-/

Reply

SaintE_fml | 0

#1417102 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:41

really!!!!!

By mayaaaxoxo | 0

#1415544 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:31

hahahahahh!

By alex1432 | 9

#1415546 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:32

I hated my high school's lockers... that's why I just carried all my books in my backpack

Reply

brit8741 | 0

#1416801 - Friday 17 September 2010 5:16

8- W'ere not allowed to carry backpacks because it means someone's going to bring a gun to school.

By bouncer_detail | 0

#1415553 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:35

File a lawsuit. In today's world, you'd either win or settle for a good chunk of change.

Reply

bigbadtim | 7

#1415651 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:23

Sue the locker for assult. LOL

Reply

sipher16 | 0

#1416111 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:09

that's what's wrong with America everyone wants to sue everyone for stupid shit. one of my buddies got killed in action and his parents tried to sue the army for "negligence". stupid, people just want money and they dont want to work for it.

Reply

bigbadtim | 7

#1416171 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:21

Sorry about your buddy.

By NaniisBadxP | 0

#1415559 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:38

haha that made me laugh :] good one

By Swimmer248 | 0

#1415561 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:39

So, what was it stuck to ?