Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it... - FML

By locker - 16/9/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25569

You deserved it

13681

Tweet

Share

Deep-seated resentment

Incognito browsing

Doomed

By RohnAbheek - 21/8/2011 17:36 - India

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15136

You deserved it

47059

Tweet

Share

By Nice 2 inch - 27/6/2011 12:16 - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33211

You deserved it

3578

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/3/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81405

You deserved it

30507

Tweet

Share

By itsawonderfulife - 23/2/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22464

You deserved it

10695

Tweet

Share

By Emily - 21/8/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32643

You deserved it

42453

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/9/2020 13:31 - India - Delhi

Zzzzzzzzzz

Today, I fell asleep in the middle of an online class. Now everyone calls me Sleeping Beauty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

633

You deserved it

979

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 13:01 - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36056

You deserved it

3083

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 23:31 - Brazil

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33327

You deserved it

4599

Tweet

Share

By nanall - 4/6/2012 07:19 - United States

Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32089

You deserved it

4482

Tweet

Share

By abbshows - 29/8/2014 18:54 - United States

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42442

You deserved it

2719

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom

Parenting fail

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

490

Tweet

Share

By emkatch - 21/7/2009 19:47 - Canada

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67596

You deserved it

4340

Tweet

Share

By Macdaddy - 5/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25905

You deserved it

3434

Tweet

Share

By kmtranter - 28/12/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51747

You deserved it

10502

Tweet

Share

By foolmetwice - 16/5/2011 14:28

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22024

You deserved it

39961

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2014 21:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42881

You deserved it

3732

Tweet

Share

By WillaminaL - 20/1/2012 03:33 - Canada

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11086

You deserved it

40160

Tweet

Share

By purpleivy - 6/9/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35576

You deserved it

2411

Tweet

Share

By KayDayParade - 28/8/2011 00:38 - United States

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38242

You deserved it

3116

Tweet

Share

By our kids will be derps - 22/6/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

47366

You deserved it

6909

Tweet

Share

By WithoutLove - 30/8/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16616

You deserved it

32889

Tweet

Share

By Dying Son - 5/4/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By cloudberry - 27/5/2012 08:00 - United States - Astoria

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26667

You deserved it

2694

Tweet

Share

By youfuckingdumbassmum - 27/12/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30589

You deserved it

4865

Tweet

Share

By please_no - 16/3/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38452

You deserved it

3327

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29408

You deserved it

14928

Tweet

Share

By kirstyrd - 12/8/2014 06:07 - United States - Germfask

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28906

You deserved it

35966

Tweet

Share

By shoeaddiikt - 7/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16189

You deserved it

42278

Tweet

Share

By Auston - 17/7/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36449

You deserved it

5136

Tweet

Share

By WishIWasAWriter - 8/9/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27264

You deserved it

3250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2012 10:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29716

You deserved it

2849

Tweet

Share

By doughgirl101 - 7/9/2011 05:59 - Canada

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33641

You deserved it

2377

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 16/2/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48867

You deserved it

10551

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2018 17:30

Today, my husband cancelled our internet and cable package because we’re having money problems. I work from home and need the internet to do so. I guess getting a job of his own wasn’t an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2712

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By TimeForACareerChange - 18/7/2012 00:54 - United States

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25238

You deserved it

2297

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 17:02

Late bloomer

Today, I’m at the age where I should be married or in a committed relationship and having kids. Instead, I’m STILL single. I haven’t had a first date or a first kiss. If any of that changes, luck and time aren’t going to be on my side because biologically I won’t be able to have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1390

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By PeepShow - 6/8/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24201

You deserved it

46951

Tweet

Share

By Lennyr - 28/8/2016 06:36 - United States - Union City

Today, I gave birth to my first born child. Somehow, my mom and mother in law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother in law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14400

You deserved it

1062

Tweet

Share

By Aliya - 1/3/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54143

You deserved it

6898

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47058

You deserved it

2810

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By random210 | 0

#1415526 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:25

bahahaha. I always had that problem in high school.

By b_anhero | 0

#1416091 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:06

look on the bright side: your natural reflex is to charge, head first, into danger.

COMMENTS

By random210 | 0

#1415526 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:25

bahahaha. I always had that problem in high school.

Reply

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1415545 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:32

i always hit the kid with the locker below mine in the head

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#1415558 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:38

You two are lucky, we can't have lockers :/

Reply

LOLatU87 | 0

#1415571 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:45

BOOM!!!

Headshot?

Reply

FirstBornUnicorn | 0

#1415601 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:56

I don't have lockers at my highschool either. We don't need lockers because we don't use textbooks.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1415629 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:10

Darn it my comment didn't show and I'm not gonna type it again I wish I could post a dam comment, but noo! it's like tryna winn the lottery posting a comment!

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1415646 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:21

yea but now you can make up a cool story about how you saved a baby from vicious lions and then once you killed the lions an animal rights advocate came up to you and punched you in the eye. You're gonna get so much pussi.

Reply

woofis | 0

#1415647 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:21

my highschool is so ghetto. we have cubbys that go so high people have to climb up on everybody elses to get to theirs. it always smells bad, you cab see the vents, one day there where just maggots crawling around.

Reply

Jessi2487 | 0

#1415697 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:41

25- ur school does use textbooks?? either u go to school in LAUSD or some forgot to order some... jus sayin

Reply

ladies_man217 | 0

#1415732 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:48

This is a stupid fml

Reply

Abbie_luv | 0

#1415787 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:00

we dont hve lockers either v.v

Reply

Abbie_luv | 0

#1415898 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:23

we dont hve lockers either v.v

Reply

WearingHats | 14

#1415917 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:24

I'm sure you're getting a fantastic education.

Reply

partridgeA | 0

#1415949 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:31

we have a fairly small school so we all have lockers that are big so no one is under/over you :P

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1415998 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:41

I never use my locker, so I don't think I will have this problem unless she gets mad at me for ignoring her. Lockers can be sadistic little bitches!

Reply

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1416013 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:43

hahahaha this fml Is so funny! lmao!!

Reply

remy3106 | 10

#1416073 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:59

41 the op is a girl lol unless she is a lesbian I don't think she will be getting any pussy

Reply

b_anhero | 0

#1416091 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:06

look on the bright side: your natural reflex is to charge, head first, into danger.

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1416282 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:46

106 oh never mind then, she still has to make up a story tho.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1416380 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:06

She could say she was in a abusive relationship and needs to be comforted. or she got in a catfight with another bitchy girl

Reply

omgiitsme03 | 0

#1416389 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:07

gotta be smarter than the locker.

Reply

rallets | 22

#1416423 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:19

i fought the locker and the locker won, i fought the locker and the locker won

Reply

remy3106 | 10

#1416465 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:31

117 I agree with u, she needs to seem likeless of a loser haha but she mght be gettin some dick!

Reply

deathcab7 | 0

#1416694 - Friday 17 September 2010 4:38

i would have loved to see this op.

Reply

izzyfiorent | 0

#1416704 - Friday 17 September 2010 4:42

same

Reply

turtlemansam | 6

#1416906 - Friday 17 September 2010 5:46

Notice, even though they changed the reply system, PPL STILL REPLY TO FIRST COMMENT!

Reply

iSnowboard | 0

#1417042 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:24

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

Jessi2487 | 0

#1417085 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:34

137 and so did u

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1417125 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:47

123 oh yea guys love it when girls have black eyes, I think it's so sexy lol jk.

Reply

airpoft | 0

#1419019 - Friday 17 September 2010 16:21

karma WIN

Reply

Lils123 | 0

#1419680 - Friday 17 September 2010 19:03

LMFAO! Good one!

By CelloNerd | 0

#1415527 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:25

fun

Reply

mrfruits | 0

#1415953 - Friday 17 September 2010 1:32

cunty mc fun

Reply

bravesfan112233 | 0

#1416076 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:00

frail

By Anteezy | 7

#1415530 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:26

Way too long not an fml, just you being stupid.

By ZomgWeAreClubKid | 0

#1415531 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:26

Hahaha, this just made my day. XD

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1415630 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:10

u are cute as hell

Reply

underaegis | 0

#1417872 - Friday 17 September 2010 7:41

heh mine too

Reply

WTSchool | 0

#3274560 - Monday 12 September 2011 0:17

Me three. I laughed pretty darn hard at the image of this. xDD

Reply

kristadoodle | 8

#5430304 - Monday 1 April 2013 10:21

It reminds me of an episode of Spongebob when he tries to open a tube of toothpaste with a wrench and ends up with a blackeye. x.o

By 5up3rTAN | 0

#1415539 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:28

this did nothing for me :-/

Reply

SaintE_fml | 0

#1417102 - Friday 17 September 2010 6:41

really!!!!!

By mayaaaxoxo | 0

#1415544 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:31

hahahahahh!

By alex1432 | 9

#1415546 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:32

I hated my high school's lockers... that's why I just carried all my books in my backpack

Reply

brit8741 | 0

#1416801 - Friday 17 September 2010 5:16

8- W'ere not allowed to carry backpacks because it means someone's going to bring a gun to school.

By bouncer_detail | 0

#1415553 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:35

File a lawsuit. In today's world, you'd either win or settle for a good chunk of change.

Reply

bigbadtim | 7

#1415651 - Friday 17 September 2010 0:23

Sue the locker for assult. LOL

Reply

sipher16 | 0

#1416111 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:09

that's what's wrong with America everyone wants to sue everyone for stupid shit. one of my buddies got killed in action and his parents tried to sue the army for "negligence". stupid, people just want money and they dont want to work for it.

Reply

bigbadtim | 7

#1416171 - Friday 17 September 2010 2:21

Sorry about your buddy.

By NaniisBadxP | 0

#1415559 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:38

haha that made me laugh :] good one

By Swimmer248 | 0

#1415561 - Thursday 16 September 2010 23:39

So, what was it stuck to ?