Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
So, even the dog can tell you're not a lady, but a tramp.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Y'all are a bunch of *******, LYING DOWN to recover?? What in the **** is wrong with you?! I mean seriously, lying down? Whenever I'm trying to recover, I do so by running across america 47 times while carrying an elephant in a forrest gump t shirt over my shoulder, and when I finish that in approximately 32.00839721 seconds flat, I bench press your mom 1 and a half times, cuz that's all I'm capble of. when I finish with that, I go deep sea diving in a sea of naked Martian women, isn't quite as nice as it sounds, I mean they have 8 vaginas each, but it's like Russian roullette as to which one will or will not tear off your penis-- not fun, trust me! But it's not too bad when you get used to it, as long as you drink long enough for them to look relatively like humans, which isn't too hard from the front, but you don't want to look from behind or you'll turn to stone. good for me though because I'm not a huge fan of anal, unless the girll is a buttterface, which land o lakes or I can't believe it ain't butter is a decent substitute for a butterface prostitute, if you're interested, I can hook you up with captain hook and his unicorn, now that's a bad ass wingman right there. Your penis will thank me!
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Comments (104)
dylanmj59 0
Hhhhaaaaaaaahhhaaaaa!!!!!!
seansoccernascar 0
owwwwwww!!!!! that hurts! mine was taken out 3 weeks ago. hope you feel better
ShadyEmCee 5
Smart dog...
XxLeoNaYxX 0
YOU JUST GOT JUMPED!(:
99zulu 0
Seriously people? Could someone please explain to me how over 1600 of y'all say they deserve it? Idiots...
sexbangit 13
Because if the fact it sounds like the op was laying on the floor
banstrom17 4
I almost died of appendicitis!:/
TREEandMONKEY 13
What is an appendix? I thought it was something you put in a report?
JIMMY_THE_JEW_II 17
don't be such a little girl, I had mine burst while camping, was driven to the nearest hospital (2.5 hours away) and had emergency surgery, was released the next day and went back to camping, riding dirtbikes and jetskis and four wheelers
bleedingglitter 24
My cousin had hers removed and while driving her to the pharmacy, and then home, I hit a bump in the road that hurt her so bad it made her throw up in her own purse.
Kurliez408 32
oh man that hurts. my aunt decided to put her 20 pound baby (adorable as he may be) on my stomach when I was recovering.