doesn't necessarly mean she's had it

Why are you telling her she has to wait until marriage ? That's one stupid answer.

@OP: I don't like the way, your post implicitly enforces your moral standards on the world and especially the reader. "being a good mother, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married" = every good mother would tell that to her daughter. every mother who tells otherwise is a bad mother. take that wagging finger down and use it along with the rest of your hands to pull out that stick in your puritan, catholic or whatever-else-pseudo-moralizer behind.

So, I can respect you wanting her to wait until marriage and stuff but please don't think this makes you 'a good mother'. It's her life at the end of the day and what happens (hopefully a lot lot later than at age 12) in her personal life is nothing to do with you once she's an adult. Pressuring a kid into following your beliefs is wrong. Like, my mum would have thought I was pretty damned weird if I told her I wanted to wait until marriage, but she's a good mother so she would've accepted it.

It's not even that times have changed. My step dad's sister had her first baby just after she turned 12 twenty five years go. not a whole long ago considering the cultural timeline, but consider that 25 yearsis a third-a quarter of someones life. Maybe even a bigger percentage than that. The only thing changed in that time is that people are now trying to stop it from happening, whereas before people were pretending it didnt happen. Another example Look at torey Haydens book Somebody Else's Kids. It's a memoir. Took place a few years after the mainstreaming law passed, which was mid 70's. It's always been happening. People are just more open now

Hahahahahaa. Awesome imagery.

Being a good mother you should've known if your daughter got shagged.

God, I hate this generation. Anyone who says that sex at 15 is a great thing probably needs to rethink things. It's NOT necessarily a TERRIBLE thing, one of my best friends lost his virginity that young, and he's a great person whom I still respect, but I still don't think it's a GREAT idea. Had I been having sex that young, I know for a fact I would regret it already. MegatronSIKE, she's one smart cookie, and I agree 100%, though my reasons are not at all related to religion. =) Waiting is a good idea, in my opinion. I've always just told myself I would wait until I was ready (whether I be married or not), as well as ready to deal with the potential consequences. I'll admit that I started thinking about sex at a young age, but really, I'm 19 now, and still proudly a virgin. I do think abstinence-only education is one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard. It obviously doesn't work, and people who are going to have sex anyway are better of knowing the facts. However, that doesn't mean that waiting is a lesser option. It has a lot of advantages too. Sure, it doesn't feel as good, but it's more effective than any other method of birth control and STD prevention, as well as preventing emotional trauma (find a pill or condom that can do THAT). And just for the record... if you REALLY need to get your "fix", you can do it without having sex you know. ;)

Well... she never actually said she was having sex, did she? Even if I had wanted to wait until 18, or 20, I would still say "oh shoot" or probably worse if the person I loved and listened to the most told me that I should wait until marriage. Most people don't get married until their late 20s... I don't know about you, but that's impossible for a lot of people. She's 12 years old and going through puberty. All she may have heard so far is that sex feels good in a way that somehow relates to the new, strange feelings she's experiencing. It's completely normal for her age, and a normal part of physical and mental development. Just like I did, she'll be thinking about it because it can't be helped, but probably not acting upon it. I think you can relax now. Might want to have the talk with your daughter, though. Honesty and openness is good. Even if she decides to go against your wishes, wouldn't you rather be there for her to help her be prepared and safe about sex? Don't yell at her or try to shame or guilt her into waiting until marriage, that never ends the way you want it to.

American society demonizes sex and treats it as if it were a disease. twelve is a bit young but telling her to wait until marrage seems unfair. you should tell her to wait until she is truely ready.