Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low...

By sadness - 29/11/2010 18:58 - South Africa

Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low self esteem. While in the waiting room, I overheard a guy telling his friend how ugly I am. FML

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Health

Work name

Instadrama

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 28/3/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML

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By anonymous - 21/2/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2018 08:30 - United States - Brick

How Thoughtful

Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML

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By but why - 21/8/2018 23:30

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2016 14:09 - United States - Concord

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

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By baby names - 23/9/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML

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By HamHanded - 10/3/2017 09:17

Ham-fisted attempt

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

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By Out Ran - 16/2/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a 'nice try'. FML

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By Robyn_mori - 31/1/2020 05:00 - Canada

The difference

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML

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By minimum wage - 2/4/2012 08:38 - Canada

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

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By coolguy - 6/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

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By Username - 18/10/2010 12:03 - France

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

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By 315 - 28/1/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

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By space_cadet90818 - 8/3/2010 00:16 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

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By analgirl - 9/11/2014 13:31 - France - Paris

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

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By Buzz - 28/11/2008 05:35 - France

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager". FML

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By anonymous - 28/5/2013 00:56 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

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By SwimminginSweat - 27/2/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

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By everyoneheard - 28/3/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

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By Annoyed - 28/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

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By chachi - 28/9/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

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By stinkyhair - 19/12/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

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By steffansk1997 - 15/12/2016 21:08

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 18:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

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By swedishdude - 14/11/2009 13:37 - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

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By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

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By Forgotten - 6/9/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

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By badboyfriend101 - 12/5/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

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By ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall - 10/3/2013 18:50 - Cyprus - Strovolos

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2015 13:19 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

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By Luke - 19/3/2013 09:59 - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

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By Fatnlonely - 20/8/2019 12:00

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

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By meganisabella - 11/3/2012 09:15 - United States

Today, I went driving for the first time. I made it twenty miles to my step mom's house, and didn't stop until I was inside the garage. Too bad the garage door was closed when I got there. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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By poorgirl - 17/5/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

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By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

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By - 6/12/2019 20:00

I'm not blind

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

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By Raw - 25/1/2017 14:00

Today, I shoveled snow at work. I had to because my co-workers refused to "get sick." I told my co-workers if anyone needs me, just tell them I'm shoveling snow. Our boss asked for me and they said that I left without punching. This also happened when I went out to water the flowers in the summer. FML

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Top comments

By FreakinChaps | 0

#1769957 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

what an ass, you should have kicked his butt.

By hcovballer247 | 0

#1770032 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

Keep your head held high and don't let words bring you down.

COMMENTS

By FreakinChaps | 0

#1769957 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

what an ass, you should have kicked his butt.

aardvarkish | 15

#1770438 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:55

2, that might have helped the self esteem.

xspaniardx | 3

#1771837 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 5:27

^ how nice! 8)

iSitt | 0

#1772644 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 8:52

expect the people in a psychiatrist's waiting room to not be playing with a full deck.

smartalek | 2

#2565297 - Thursday 26 May 2011 2:57

omg 61 you are not one to comment on whether or not someones ugly. BAHAHAHAHAHA

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1769959 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

Ydi for whining

RachelElizabeth7 | 0

#1771164 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 2:56

Hahahahaha are you serious? jeez some people!

nygunns1 | 0

#1887849 - Saturday 25 December 2010 1:12

irony is a bitch eh?

By waiting4u | 0

#1769970 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:03

your prob just hearing things.. op

By warpig182 | 0

#1769974 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:03

Get a breast implant then they wont notice your ugly mug

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1769991 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:07

#5 Right, because everyone can clearly afford a several thousand dollar surgery that isn't necessary...

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1770001 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:07

just one implant?? O.0

ScreamAimFire | 0

#1770026 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

^ lmao
"is it just me or is that mans breast giving me a grimlin grin?!"

BehindTheSun | 2

#1770041 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:11

8: Of course. What better way to draw attention from one's face than one giant cyclops boob? I smell a fashion trend in the making.

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1770108 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:25

Or maybe she could get 3 implants. But then she'd need a fake nipple, too

Lenoraa | 0

#1770224 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:50

like:)

DaveOnDope | 4

#1770324 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:17

Just one, right in the middle of the other two. One for the mouth, and one for each hand = instant boyfriends!

stephanie911_fml | 0

#1770645 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 1:36

Or get a breast implant on yur' forehead.
that'll attract people.

Flammin8 | 0

#1772131 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 6:45

do girls usually go at each other like this alot? sheesh, meow on this list.

lalagirl912 | 0

#1774262 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 18:26

so, does that mean when I get a boob on my forehead I'll need to get a 1 cup bra?!

By Zesty697 | 0

#1769986 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:06

well this is an UGLY situation

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1770008 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:08

7 I don't want to start anything but if read in context, 5's comment is most likely a joke..

By saturnsonic | 3

#1770010 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

i wanna see for myself

By IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1770016 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

You should probably get checked for Schizophrenia while you're there.

By BehindTheSun | 2

#1770018 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

rawrlove16 | 0

#3729382 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 6:50

May I recommend you not be so rude?

natty098 | 2

#4253904 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 14:11

may I recommend you not be such a dick

alleybean123 | 7

#5748165 - Saturday 9 November 2013 15:31

Not helping, jerk. Did you even read the FML?

By moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1770020 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

so what, tell him he's just mad because he has a little dick.