Health: Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low...

By sadness - South Africa

Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low self esteem. While in the waiting room, I overheard a guy telling his friend how ugly I am. FML

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Health

Sorry…

Like riding a bike

Reliable

By mbesameh - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 02:02 - United States - Brush Prairie

Well done Cooper

Today, my phone chose not to deliver a message to my girlfriend. This isn't the first time either; It has a habit of failing to deliver or receive messages to/from her, making it look like I'm ignoring her by not responding. It only does this with her, none of my other contacts. My phone may be trying to sabotage my relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

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By ruinedmoment - United States

Today, I was looking at an old post between my ex and I on Facebook. Everything I was reading was adorable. Just as I was reminiscing about the great relationship we had, I look to the right of the screen to see the girl he cheated on me with in "People you may know". Thanks Facebook. FML

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By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

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By BrefODM - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

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By I don't want to be here anymore - Canada - Edmonton

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

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By kernewek - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

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By stop_crying - United States

Today, a twelve year-old girl was better at calming down my six month-old baby on the bus than me. FML

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By anon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

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By nightDREAMERms - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nashville

Today, I've been single for so long, I got butterflies when I went on a date. A date with a character in Grand Theft Auto. FML

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By KnuckleSandwich - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

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By Thomas - United States

Today, my business is doing so badly that people are teaching their kids to drive in the empty parking lot. FML

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Catfished!

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

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By howard1954 - 27/10/2020 17:02

Where are you?

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to take him 30 minutes away to meet his friends so he could go fishing, adding that they wouldn't be gone all night. I dropped him off 13 hours ago, and he doesn't have a phone. FML

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By KilteDKilleR - United States

Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML

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By peacock_mina19 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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By anikah - United States - Natchitoches

Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML

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By cantunhear - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

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By Embarrassed daughter.. - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

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By monochrometea - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

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By coldasfire - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

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By sad - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

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By Miguel - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

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By I love L - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

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By juliette - United States - Tucson

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

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By a - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

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By kayak probs - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

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By thenegatives - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

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By BahHumbug - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

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By Ramis182 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2020 08:04

Sounds wholesome…

Today, my grandmother told me that my grandfather was a great man, and that he did a lot for the state of Ohio. When I got home, I googled him. He was the leader of one of the biggest KKK groups in America. FML

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By Steph - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

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Top comments

By FreakinChaps | 0

#1769957 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

what an ass, you should have kicked his butt.

By hcovballer247 | 0

#1770032 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

Keep your head held high and don't let words bring you down.

COMMENTS

By FreakinChaps | 0

#1769957 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

what an ass, you should have kicked his butt.

aardvarkish | 15

#1770438 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:55

2, that might have helped the self esteem.

xspaniardx | 3

#1771837 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 5:27

^ how nice! 8)

iSitt | 0

#1772644 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 8:52

expect the people in a psychiatrist's waiting room to not be playing with a full deck.

smartalek | 2

#2565297 - Thursday 26 May 2011 2:57

omg 61 you are not one to comment on whether or not someones ugly. BAHAHAHAHAHA

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1769959 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

Ydi for whining

RachelElizabeth7 | 0

#1771164 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 2:56

Hahahahaha are you serious? jeez some people!

nygunns1 | 0

#1887849 - Saturday 25 December 2010 1:12

irony is a bitch eh?

By waiting4u | 0

#1769970 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:03

your prob just hearing things.. op

By warpig182 | 0

#1769974 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:03

Get a breast implant then they wont notice your ugly mug

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1769991 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:07

#5 Right, because everyone can clearly afford a several thousand dollar surgery that isn't necessary...

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1770001 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:07

just one implant?? O.0

ScreamAimFire | 0

#1770026 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

^ lmao
"is it just me or is that mans breast giving me a grimlin grin?!"

BehindTheSun | 2

#1770041 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:11

8: Of course. What better way to draw attention from one's face than one giant cyclops boob? I smell a fashion trend in the making.

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1770108 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:25

Or maybe she could get 3 implants. But then she'd need a fake nipple, too

Lenoraa | 0

#1770224 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:50

like:)

DaveOnDope | 4

#1770324 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:17

Just one, right in the middle of the other two. One for the mouth, and one for each hand = instant boyfriends!

stephanie911_fml | 0

#1770645 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 1:36

Or get a breast implant on yur' forehead.
that'll attract people.

Flammin8 | 0

#1772131 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 6:45

do girls usually go at each other like this alot? sheesh, meow on this list.

lalagirl912 | 0

#1774262 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 18:26

so, does that mean when I get a boob on my forehead I'll need to get a 1 cup bra?!

By Zesty697 | 0

#1769986 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:06

well this is an UGLY situation

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1770008 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:08

7 I don't want to start anything but if read in context, 5's comment is most likely a joke..

By saturnsonic | 3

#1770010 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

i wanna see for myself

By IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1770016 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

You should probably get checked for Schizophrenia while you're there.

By BehindTheSun | 2

#1770018 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

rawrlove16 | 0

#3729382 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 6:50

May I recommend you not be so rude?

natty098 | 2

#4253904 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 14:11

may I recommend you not be such a dick

alleybean123 | 7

#5748165 - Saturday 9 November 2013 15:31

Not helping, jerk. Did you even read the FML?

By moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1770020 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

so what, tell him he's just mad because he has a little dick.