Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low...

By sadness - South Africa

Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low self esteem. While in the waiting room, I overheard a guy telling his friend how ugly I am. FML

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Health

Everyone's an expert

Parental guilt

Can they do that?

By robm - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wauseon

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

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By Ricky - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

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By cole - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

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By moosemay - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

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By disgustedgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML

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By nowbrokevaper - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

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By Mark Allan - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

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By CallMeJesusFreak - United States

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

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By shattysituation - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

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By oldlady - United States

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

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By shellbom - United Kingdom

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

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By mel - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

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By Microtron - United States - Oxford

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

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27137

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By Raven - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

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By Morrowindwhore - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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By jackson - United States

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

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By my_way_1213

Smart kid.

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

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By lydia - 1/7/2020 08:08

Like that's an excuse

Today, my mother screamed at me because she thinks I peed on the toilet seat. Not my dad, me. I’m a girl. FML

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By Estranged Fiance - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

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26260

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

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By couturier - France

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

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By James

Today, while standing in line to get my driver's license renewed, I hiccuped and burped at the same time. I was so flustered that I ended up telling an entire room full of people that I had the 'herps'. FML

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By Lauren Davies

Paper-thin walls

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

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By iliterallypoopedmyself - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

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By oface13 - United States

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

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By jesus christ - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

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By bridezilla - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

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By BoCoMoGal

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried 'forgot password', but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

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4697

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By Foreveralone17362562 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By saracenslament

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML

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3836

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By apenglishstudent - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

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By drummerboy - United States

Today, I practiced my drum playing in the garage instead of my room out of consideration for my neighbors. Guess the consideration wasn't mutual, because one of my neighbors just shot a hole in one of my drums with an air gun. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

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Top comments

By FreakinChaps | 0

#1769957 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

what an ass, you should have kicked his butt.

By hcovballer247 | 0

#1770032 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

Keep your head held high and don't let words bring you down.

COMMENTS

By FreakinChaps | 0

#1769957 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

what an ass, you should have kicked his butt.

aardvarkish | 15

#1770438 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:55

2, that might have helped the self esteem.

xspaniardx | 3

#1771837 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 5:27

^ how nice! 8)

iSitt | 0

#1772644 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 8:52

expect the people in a psychiatrist's waiting room to not be playing with a full deck.

smartalek | 2

#2565297 - Thursday 26 May 2011 2:57

omg 61 you are not one to comment on whether or not someones ugly. BAHAHAHAHAHA

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1769959 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:02

Ydi for whining

RachelElizabeth7 | 0

#1771164 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 2:56

Hahahahaha are you serious? jeez some people!

nygunns1 | 0

#1887849 - Saturday 25 December 2010 1:12

irony is a bitch eh?

By waiting4u | 0

#1769970 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:03

your prob just hearing things.. op

By warpig182 | 0

#1769974 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:03

Get a breast implant then they wont notice your ugly mug

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1769991 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:07

#5 Right, because everyone can clearly afford a several thousand dollar surgery that isn't necessary...

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1770001 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:07

just one implant?? O.0

ScreamAimFire | 0

#1770026 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

^ lmao
"is it just me or is that mans breast giving me a grimlin grin?!"

BehindTheSun | 2

#1770041 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:11

8: Of course. What better way to draw attention from one's face than one giant cyclops boob? I smell a fashion trend in the making.

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1770108 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:25

Or maybe she could get 3 implants. But then she'd need a fake nipple, too

Lenoraa | 0

#1770224 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:50

like:)

DaveOnDope | 4

#1770324 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:17

Just one, right in the middle of the other two. One for the mouth, and one for each hand = instant boyfriends!

stephanie911_fml | 0

#1770645 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 1:36

Or get a breast implant on yur' forehead.
that'll attract people.

Flammin8 | 0

#1772131 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 6:45

do girls usually go at each other like this alot? sheesh, meow on this list.

lalagirl912 | 0

#1774262 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 18:26

so, does that mean when I get a boob on my forehead I'll need to get a 1 cup bra?!

By Zesty697 | 0

#1769986 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:06

well this is an UGLY situation

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1770008 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:08

7 I don't want to start anything but if read in context, 5's comment is most likely a joke..

By saturnsonic | 3

#1770010 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

i wanna see for myself

By IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1770016 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

You should probably get checked for Schizophrenia while you're there.

By BehindTheSun | 2

#1770018 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

rawrlove16 | 0

#3729382 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 6:50

May I recommend you not be so rude?

natty098 | 2

#4253904 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 14:11

may I recommend you not be such a dick

alleybean123 | 7

#5748165 - Saturday 9 November 2013 15:31

Not helping, jerk. Did you even read the FML?

By moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1770020 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:10

so what, tell him he's just mad because he has a little dick.