Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iamabamf 17
Could be worse. My dad just calls me "The Little Bitch."
MrClean17 15
I chuckled when I saw your username OP. It seems you've accepted your fate
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (99)
missathegirlwond 19
Reminds me of the time I asked my mom what her first thought was when she found out she was pregnant with me, and her response was "Can I kill myself?" Ah, parental love!
jelly713 19
Honestly, the nickname is not that funny or that mean. Give your dad a nickname to match. I'd call him "Puppet master" & bow on one knee to be dramatic. But that's just me.
sens3sfailing 24
all my plans suck. but there are never any mistakes.
Idgaf62 1
Just start calling him "Foresight"
Satoaoi 13
be the bigger man. :) .or You could always send him to an experienced old folks home when he gets old
Xhighonlife 2
Damn, that sucks ! feel sorry for ya ! =)
skyeyez9 24
My dad told me he picked me out of an orangutan orphanage. :/ I learned to never ask him any questions, cause he always gave bullshit answers.
EmSalt10503 5
this is the best FML i have read in a long time. your dad is my hero
jennuhm 4
What a Bitch! You need to have some words with her!!! Not ok
amarchingclock 6
Don't worry... I'm the middle child and I still get called the "oops". :(