Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
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Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
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Top comments
iamabamf 17
Could be worse. My dad just calls me "The Little Bitch."
MrClean17 15
I chuckled when I saw your username OP. It seems you've accepted your fate
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Comments (99)
jem970 19
And thats the way the cookie crumbles....
LSS_fml 18
Mine calls me 2nd favorite. Out of 2 of us ):
rise182punkz 8
It's a joke idiot get over it!!!
pipinya 8
Can't imagine what he could be implying
poccocurantes 7
I was planned, but we all know what happens to even the best laid plans.
poccocurantes 7
Look on the bright side, you have a new pick-up line. "Hey baby, are you experienced?" Thank Jimmy.
bernie_mac 7
Seriously one of the funniest FMLs I have read
melanierules123 7
Atleast they dont call you an accident
DJAllen 6
Tell him he was a experiment.
zandalee 19
Go home you are drunk. ;)