Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
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Top comments
iamabamf 17
Could be worse. My dad just calls me "The Little Bitch."
MrClean17 15
I chuckled when I saw your username OP. It seems you've accepted your fate
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Comments (99)
Happyhighs1 3
I think everyones parents have some ****** up name for their kid lol. Guess it builds character or somethin. Mine is eather WHAT THE ****, AW HELL WHAT NOW, or DAMN IT depending on the day =)
poccocurantes 7
"But dad, I'm Jesus Christ."
False_Stupidity 42
Reminds me of a skit? by Bill Cosby called "my father confused me"
ulissey_fml 22
Oh well, that 's the way life crumbles down, cookie-wise.
hienzburgess 9
call children's aid and tell them to take your parents away for verbal abuse
hopsinlove17 26
Chill.
LarryLaDouche 13
Somebody's got their panties in a wad.
chungyiubear 10
My dad calls me fat ass, it is okay.
poccocurantes 7
Your daddy may need a new prescription.
zandalee 20
Or a kick up his arse ;)
chungyiubear 10
haha I guess, I weigh 90 pounds and I am 5'4...
lininnes 6
what's a "Chinese fortune cookie"??..
Lorysa 11
Haven't you heard? Chinese fortune cookies are more affordable than American fortune cookies, but they're cheaply made. I've never had one that didn't break as soon as I got my hands on it! ;)
kendallw13 15
you weren't a mistake op, you were a "surprise"
emeraldisle 30
Your father has a great sense of humour.
meagann01 4
Atleast he owns up to his mistakes. I like his sense of humor though
alfakennybody 10
Mine call me an idiot
perdix 31
What a perfect Chinese fortune to add "in bed" to!