Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
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Top comments
iamabamf 17
Could be worse. My dad just calls me "The Little Bitch."
MrClean17 15
I chuckled when I saw your username OP. It seems you've accepted your fate
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Comments (99)
PenguinBitch 44
Hopefully the fortune cookie will have some Freaky Friday magic to it to see how he likes it.
zandalee 20
I never tire of that film!
Alexweber929 14
The original or the shitty new one? Ah, who am I kidding, their both terrible
Shadow_Phantom 26
It puzzles me that parents demand respect from their children, yet have the nerve to pull stunts like these...
yourlordsays 8
as long as both parent and child can see the humor in it, it shouldn't really be a problem, but some parents indeed think respect is a one-way thing simply because they made you.
lilhellian 27
Find ways to get back... I simply don't know how to fix their computer, usually after they pull some stunt...
yourlordsays 8
#22 that can be quite amusing at times, but once both parties keep doing things like that, it might just escalate...
Kingbreezy04 10
Don't worry, my Mom has three kids and were all called Mistake.
dee_baybee 7
Sounds Like She Never Believed In Protection Cause She Had Three Mistakes. Sucks Though To Be Called That.
jem970 19
I would have lost all repect for him afterwards. That is neither clever or funny. I hope you arent to hurt by it. Just think, later in life if you really want you can totally cut him out of your life if you want :-) its what keeps me going till I can move out.
subwaysurfers 13
Holy shit, he was most likely joking and some people go through much worse things from their parents and don't cut them out because they're their parents even when sometimes they should! So if you would cut your dad out of your life for a joke that might have hurt your feelings, I feel bad for your parents.
jem970 19
Haha if someone kept calling me a mistake under the guise of "experiance" I would get pissed after awhile and yes it can be damaging to a persons self esteem. I personally do not find this joke funny and have had worse things said to me by my parents. Call me sensitive all you want.
His_Holiness 18
Stop being a buzzkill dude Op's dad sounds more like he's being funny/clever than cruel.
FFML_314 12
Yeah, I'm going to go with the OPs father is joking. I'm highly doubting that he would be putting it on FML if his dad were actually calling him a mistake. These FMLs are a bit more down to earth than that. So quit being so dramatic, you drama queen.
cheertrombonist 9
well damn....dad
lilhellian 27
Mine has called me "little shit" or some variation..
alwayswinning123 7
Sorry to hear that OP or should I say Experience;)
CaptainSaveAHoe 11
i feel like smiley faces deserve to have some space between them and the word next to them ;)
mega20913 8
that's actually kind of funny..
Connect 10
Kind of? I think it's hilarious.
hynci 4
吃一堑，长一智
outoftown 27
Tell him you've learned from his experience ;)