Miscellaneous: Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started... - FML

By ItGirl - 09/11/2014 02:36 - Sweden - Eskilstuna

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 464

You deserved it 3 346

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Wakey wakey

By emie0209 - 11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 385

You deserved it 6 505

By datgirl92 - 24/05/2013 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 169

You deserved it 19 627

By Anonymous - 09/05/2016 03:02 - Canada - Fort Smith

Today, for Mother's Day, I surprised my Mother with the news I that I'll be visiting in June. The last time we got to visit was 4 years ago, we live 4000 miles apart and it's a very expensive trip. She said, "No, come next June, I want to lose some more weight before seeing you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 478

You deserved it 1 121

By anonymous - 09/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 509

You deserved it 10 269

By Jong - 10/03/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 214

You deserved it 2 743

Covidiots everywhere

By Seth - 19/12/2020 22:58

Today, I realised the biggest FML this year was getting into online debates with people about Covid not being a hoax. One guy even said it was over, while I knew the numbers were climbing back up as I work in health-care, and I was sat on a toilet with diarrhea because I have Covid myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 177

By pubes - 18/03/2010 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 406

You deserved it 2 961

By Cold - 17/12/2012 05:08 - United States - Richmond

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 352

You deserved it 3 818

Delusional

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 89

By lonely - 12/04/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 7 726

By michellenKG - 23/01/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 114

You deserved it 2 629

By shakira, when the walls fell - 23/10/2015 18:56 - Canada

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I cried my eyes out for hours over the guy who dumped me 9 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 487

You deserved it 2 947

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 717

You deserved it 7 962

By splitzville - 16/03/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 942

You deserved it 40 768

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 10:58

Today, I had to cancel a plane ticket to a friend's wedding, because first he gave me the wrong date, after which his fiancée cut me from the guests because of Covid safety. Instead of paying $600 to be in the ceremony, I'm paying $400 to not go anywhere because the ticket could only be partially refunded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 85

By MaHalKiTa - 23/07/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 647

You deserved it 4 663

By Nicholasand - 23/11/2009 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 144

You deserved it 60 760

Temper tantrum

By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 07/02/2020 14:00

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 277

Deez nuts

By King7 - 09/01/2010 10:17 - Pakistan

Today, I got on a treadmill for the first time. I was running at a very high speed. I needed a break but didn't know how to get off. I decided to just let the machine take me to the edge so I could get off. I was thrown off the treadmill and landed with my happy sacks crashing into a dumbbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 720

You deserved it 42 437

By Annoymous - 03/09/2009 10:19 - Australia

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 428

You deserved it 5 795

By sam_666777 - 30/08/2014 02:54 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 993

You deserved it 10 368

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 05:00

Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 057

You deserved it 397

By a - 10/04/2013 19:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 315

You deserved it 7 007

Thanks Texas

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 234

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 859

You deserved it 4 080

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 872

You deserved it 2 762

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 16:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 4 457

By ANON - 21/08/2015 06:22 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 005

You deserved it 1 619

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 6 652

Honesty doesn't pay

By Hayls5 - 04/07/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the man's house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us, "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 151

You deserved it 5 994

By NeedANewWindshield - 24/08/2019 14:00

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 84

By SimpleSadie - 22/04/2017 16:00

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 623

You deserved it 463

Too passionate for me

By Mutton - 08/03/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 88

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By lpilou - 21/11/2008 05:40 - France

Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 723

You deserved it 10 851

By DMO - 07/07/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 713

You deserved it 63 795

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 150

You deserved it 65 063

By SadOldBag - 23/08/2018 21:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 124

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 08/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 685

You deserved it 286

By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/03/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 794

You deserved it 9 473

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 06:32 - Canada

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 802

You deserved it 3 028

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Top comments

ThomasBombadil 31

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:42

Didn't The Addams Family have a member called "It"? Start calling your father "Gomez" or better yet "Uncle Fester".

lovelyvampire 16

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:13

I wanted to make reference to the clown, but then I realized, I am in no way that witty... so nevermind

Comments

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:10

Wow that sucks!

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:15

why weren't you drinking too?

cadillacgal79 32

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Sunday 9 November 2014 15:20

Hey, when my dad gets drunk he makes life speeches.

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Sunday 9 November 2014 17:05

Well if you add a "s" to the beginning and a "t" to the end then you have your dads last name, first name pieceof.

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Sunday 9 November 2014 17:07

there's a button for that.

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Sunday 9 November 2014 17:33

What even #34? what even?

Mc2013 18

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Sunday 9 November 2014 17:40

#34, Pieceof Sitt?

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Sunday 9 November 2014 17:48

Yea didn't think that through. Early morning fail . "Sh" was more accurate I believe. Fail! Thanks for correcting me. Can I blame IT on the alcohol ?

Kevin_Kestel 24

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Monday 10 November 2014 5:14

hi I'm Mr Bob Gray but my friends call me Pennywise the dancing clown

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Monday 10 November 2014 10:18

This is when OP's supposed to correct him and tell him that his name is Pennywise.

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:11

well that is rather unfortunate.... should've slapped him maybe he'd remember at that point LOL

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Sunday 9 November 2014 16:06

See that would be a really bad idea because from what I can get from OP's username, they're a girl. I'm guessing that hitting him would make him more upset, killing her and the rest of the family. This would probably be enough for a predator missile, if they live in a populated area the predator missile would probably get enough kills for a nuke, killing us all and ending the game.

ChunkMissing 10

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Sunday 9 November 2014 17:41

#29 well that escalated quickly..

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Sunday 9 November 2014 19:26

it's called a joke... smh people take everything so serious these days.

RedPillSucks 31

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Sunday 9 November 2014 20:25

It's always a joke until the whole planet gets nuked.

DenverTyrrell 13

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:12

How was he still talking if he was that drunk he didn't know your name

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:13

Alcohol makes you mute? Makes any argument against weed seem pretty miniscule. (JKJK)

EchoSerenity 15

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 16:34

#3 do us all a favor and not drink..

SideOfTheAngels 23

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:12

Seems just a tad rude :/

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Sunday 9 November 2014 15:17

some people are when they're drunk (?)

SideOfTheAngels 23

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Sunday 9 November 2014 22:34

Obviously...

AustinDenton 22

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:13

It could be worse

FaultInMyStars 11

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:29

How so, really?

ChristianH39 30

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:38

He could just be comatose?

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:13

Look on the bright side..there are songs written about you (;

lovelyvampire 16

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:13

I wanted to make reference to the clown, but then I realized, I am in no way that witty... so nevermind

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:54

If you did, I probably would not have noticed it. I would have just read passed it and not been penny the wiser.

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:20

I'd get the "It" clown mask and scare the shit out of him when he sobers up. See if he remembers then. Lol

PresidentNorth 16

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:50

I own the actual mask of pennywise. This mask will scar unsuspecting people. Took a selfie driving in traffic on Halloween after I made a couple of random girls cry in the car next to me. I regret nothing.

EchoSerenity 15

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Wednesday 12 November 2014 16:36

I would have paid to see that lol that give me ideas >:)

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:23

should put on a clown costume and scare the living daylights out of him now.

ethawesome1125 10

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:41

I too get called "it"

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 814

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 1 050