Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML
Today, my dad told me quite bluntly that, while he loved me, he never planned to have me. My mom baby-trapped him by sabotaging their birth control methods, and my existence ruined his life irrevocably and caused the functional alcoholism he has suffered with for 40 years. FML
Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
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Top comments
gideeupp 9
That furniture saved your life. Haha
RabidBunny 10
From this day forward, you will buy all of your furniture from IKEA in gratitude that you live to fight another day! Secondly, don't feel bad. Trust me when I say, if my parents had the chance to give me back they would, but thats not important. What is important, is that you can make something of yourself and make your father regret ever thinking about paying for that abortion.
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Comments (151)
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Why is this an FML? Be happy that IKEA was in existence back then and that you had the chance to explore life.
WCARlover 35
when I was 7 my dad told me he wasted his gonads on me...
felah17 6
That's sad...And despicable at the same time!!
BuffaloBob 1
Can't waste on something so pretty
tybtab 5
catholic side of the arguement: Jesus was not aborted therefore abortions are wrong.
perdix 31
So, you owe your life to sawdust and Allen wrenches! On your birthday, you ought to play Jonathan Coulton's IKEA song -- it could be your theme song. I'm not much better off -- I'm only here because of a dog.
shift_love 13
are you stealing that story from king of the hill? lol. the best arousal method for Hank hill was his dog ladybird. hence bobbies conception.
perdix 31
Nah, my dad told me that story way before King of the Hill existed. Originally, my mom and he didn't want kids (I don't know if that's what my mom really wanted, but she just went along with him). Anyways, they got a dog and my dad loved it. He said, "The dog is great, but it will never talk." Essentially, I'm a dog that talks.
chococat9 5
Your dad may be a jerk by telling you that, but he really wanted you. IKEA has a 45 day full refund policy.
eminemchick 19
my side is that no matter how hot button this topic is, we can all agree that it is okay to eat live infants.
a_lenzmeier 11
Haha. It's the same story with my friend. Except the car broke down on the way to the abortion clinic, and they had to use the Money to fix the car. She turned out to be the only one of her mom's kids who was worth anything. Ironic.
RockstarRN 10
It was fate!
Free_Candy 0
My dad tried to abort me too.
kbt13 0
at least your more important than the family's car's chassis
flockz 20
i punt babies. eating them is just cruel.