Miscellaneous: Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter,... - FML

By OhDeary - 01/08/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 294

You deserved it 9 689

Dysfunctional

Not the golden child

Workout

By klanciee - 16/07/2012 02:00 - United States - Valencia

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 398

You deserved it 2 196

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 3 021

By -_- - 22/09/2013 18:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 204

You deserved it 6 091

By UncleMonkey - 06/03/2015 06:18 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 550

You deserved it 45 032

By crb25453 - 15/10/2015 05:07 - United States - Stafford

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 711

You deserved it 2 224

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 100 068

By dude, where's my balls? :( - 22/12/2012 20:25 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 397

You deserved it 3 382

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said, "OK, now I can just block every message from you," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 565

You deserved it 4 513

By DeepFriedZombie - 09/08/2016 00:18

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 893

You deserved it 1 149

By Nickname - 12/10/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 723

You deserved it 13 824

By noname - 07/01/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 573

You deserved it 2 273

By vron991 - 13/05/2012 05:02 - United States - Wilmington

Spicy

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 2 714

That's what a druggie would claim

By Chris Bores - 20/11/2020 08:03 - United States - Prince Frederick

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screen for my job. It was also over two year- old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous Baker - 10/06/2019 04:43

Today, I got a write-up because I told my boss that it was impossible to have pies, which have a bake time of 1 hour, ready for a customer who wanted them in the next 15 to 20 minutes. Then, when the customer got there and the pies were still in the oven, I got a second write-up for wasting time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 06/09/2014 22:19 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 942

You deserved it 4 112

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 989

You deserved it 6 303

Hey there!

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 23:36 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 321

You deserved it 85 435

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 005

You deserved it 6 119

By Cob - 03/02/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 158

You deserved it 2 405

By prisonbitch - 18/02/2010 17:41 - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 190

You deserved it 38 580

By Stressed Mother - 18/03/2015 21:26 - United States - Piscataway

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 920

You deserved it 5 961

By unemployable - 05/12/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 725

You deserved it 3 467

By retail hell - 12/07/2015 13:11 - United States - Waterbury

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 395

You deserved it 1 899

Unexpected item

By Highschoolsucks - 18/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was hit in the head with a football during class. Spanish class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 124

By MBoomer - 16/11/2016 06:36

Today, I found a great parking spot but I wasn't sure if it was restricted by any means or of I could just park there for free. I asked a police officer walking by and he told me it was alright, only to come back 4 hours later to find a ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 345

You deserved it 940

By kb123 - 05/05/2019 20:00

Today, I'm visiting my wife's home country for the first time. To avoid the spicy street food, I bought something labelled "Fruit salad" from a street vendor. I didn't know even Pakistani fruit salad can be very spicy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 341

By awkwardpaul - 22/11/2013 10:18 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 764

You deserved it 8 175

Party blues

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 16 638

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 563

Ah, puppy love…

By Unlovable - 22/07/2019 04:00

Today, I was texting my crush. He wasn’t really into the texts because he was barely replying, until he texted back calling me "baby." I got so excited, I almost cried, until he corrected himself and said that the text wasn’t for me. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 448

By dammit - 09/06/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 412

You deserved it 3 092

By forgottendaughter - 17/01/2010 14:41 - South Africa

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 786

You deserved it 2 557

By Odnel - 27/07/2013 04:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 031

You deserved it 3 814

By jobless - 16/05/2012 07:36 - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 991

You deserved it 2 388

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 12:44 - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 763

You deserved it 35 228

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 04:38 - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 705

You deserved it 4 345

By IneedMaury - 16/06/2014 15:30 - United States - Lowell

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 362

You deserved it 6 298

By ahdeadcats - 31/08/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 135

You deserved it 3 745

By lk07 - 12/07/2019 16:00

Today, when I bent down to get something off a low shelf at the grocery store, I felt my shorts split wide open at the butt. All my husband did was make jokes about "that's not how you do the splits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 213

Barf

By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Spicy

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 162

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:58

Say because it's plugged in.

Stonedmanalex 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:58

Damn not the brightest child

Comments

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:58

Say because it's plugged in.

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:04

you have a child prodigy in your hands!

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:06

well I mean with all these hybrids now a days she has a good point

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:13

People are raising dumbasses now a days

iLOLatURpain69 7

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:13

18 - Its like an Einstien reincarnation!

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:15

must me a blond

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:20

Underpants Gnomes are powering it

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:28

She may have just discovered electricity! Give her an award :D

Brodeurfan001 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:35

Should of told her because the car runs on stupidity, basically the same reason she was still working

dolphincheddar 10

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:39

well if you live in a RV it's a valid question

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:43

Next time don't drop your babies.

ArmedcrackerR6 8

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:07

She should have been swallowed lmao

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:27

Vaginas can swallow? Well, you learn something new every day i guess.

SuperPineApple 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:35

Maybe it's Bumblebee...

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:02

is she blonde by any chance?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:40

Your a moron, even hybrids don't need to be plugged in to work. They only need to be plugged in to recharge

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:41

This comment was aimed at #22

JacksonCampbell 9

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:55

120 - You're* the moron here.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 2:05

To be fair, I can understand what she was thinking: She probably thought that power goes out due to some kind of "EMP effect" caused by lightning, and that it wasn't the electric company turning off the electric, but rather, that the electric in the sky caused all nearby electronics to temporarily die. Heck, I'm studying as an engineer, and I still have no idea why they turn off power during storms.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 2:17

Not the brightest lightbulb in the pack.

talktomandybaby 8

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:30

You are blonde.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:41

hmmm.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:51

85, number 70 meant OP's mom shouldve just given a blowjob instead -_-

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:08

128: I think it goes off because stuff (like tree parts) falls on the power lines and break/damage them

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:20

166- Or lightning strikes the like or a step-up/step-down transformer and blow it therefore stopping the flow of electricity.

msdoesntbelong 6

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:13

Tell her it's being powered by your mind, see if it scares her

WellThatSucksMaj 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:28

Whoa her SAT/ACT score must be through the roof !

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 4:30

yea mars people!

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Saturday 6 August 2011 9:36

Like you.(:

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Sunday 12 August 2012 22:09

120 - You're a retard. You don't plug in hybrids, the electric motor is charged by the gas motor and brakes.

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Thursday 23 August 2012 13:46

Yeah an EMP bomb would have done! (Generals Zero Hour)

sajupt 17

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Saturday 27 September 2014 9:18

You are*

Stonedmanalex 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:58

Damn not the brightest child

major_paine92 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:18

I see what you did there.

flockz 19

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:29

hope she's good with her lips...

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:19

watch her get a major involving electricity

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:42

Which set of lips flockz? I'd say both.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:21

kids learn from their parents - what can I say?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:47

I have a friend just like that and goes to Harvard

KaintukeeBob 13

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:59

Sometimes people say stupid things. That's why we invented the internet: it collects the stupidity so it can't hurt as many.

instnt1nfction 17

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:13

I think you mean it collects the stupidity and shows it to the rest of the world Ex. The comment above

xlord 27

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:23

The Internet provide anonymity so that stupid and smart people garner the same respect until someone says something dumb and shows the entire world how dumb the average person is

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:18

D:

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:59

how sad

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:59

Yes

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:00

Hahah she deserves a dummy slap.

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:40

haha you deserve a face palm..

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:43

you deserve a special face high-five!

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:38

140 km/h?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:00

Lol yes?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:04

Crazyy lol.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:59

She deserves a bitch slap.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:35

2

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:42

Just wondering, is there a reason that's your picture? A speedometer reading about 75 miles an hour? Just curious.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:45

Never mind. I guess 85 is okay.

z620 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:33

I bet she's blonde.

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 6:47

U raised her!

UsernameIsUsed 9

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:00

Tell her static energy in the air makes it work--tell her it's actually slightly brighter in a severe storm, I'm sure she'll check.

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:54

haha I like your username

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:00

wow

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:00

Marry her off quick!!!

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:28

Great plan..

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:42

This is why dowries were invented :)

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:32

what is this, Kentucky? who marries at 18?

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:00

There is a hamster in there running along a wheel making the lights go on. right?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:17

well u raised her

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:08

Yes, but apparently, it's afraid of thunderstorms.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 133

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 45