Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML
Today, my dad told me quite bluntly that, while he loved me, he never planned to have me. My mom baby-trapped him by sabotaging their birth control methods, and my existence ruined his life irrevocably and caused the functional alcoholism he has suffered with for 40 years. FML
Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
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Top comments
gideeupp 9
That furniture saved your life. Haha
RabidBunny 10
From this day forward, you will buy all of your furniture from IKEA in gratitude that you live to fight another day! Secondly, don't feel bad. Trust me when I say, if my parents had the chance to give me back they would, but thats not important. What is important, is that you can make something of yourself and make your father regret ever thinking about paying for that abortion.
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Comments (151)
anencephalic 14
I was born and raised in an IKEA warehouse and find that very offensive.
eminemchick 19
i took the sick humor too far. *kills self*
krhoov84 9
If they couldn't afford an abortion how did they think they'd be able to afford a kid. $500 compared to about $15,000 a year. This makes no sense!!!
karinaprism9 4
quit being so serious and enjoy the fml...
racheljessie 17
92, that may be true, but think about it. Yes raising a kid may be expensive, but OP's parents couldn't afford the money for the abortion at the time. They had considerably more time to get enough money to support a child the short months they had to scrape (no pun intended) together abortion money.
nateiztite 5
I was just at ikea!!
eminemchick 19
who deleted my sexy baby killin comments?
racheljessie 17
Man, I meant my reply above to be on another comment in this post. Sorry!
its_love2 31
they could have placed you up for adoption, so obviously they still really wanted you ...
javibear09 2
But ikea is awesome!
unixdude 9
Sounds more like you believed a stupid "dad" story. He probably screwed your mom uphill both ways (in the snow), too.