Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML
Today, my dad told me quite bluntly that, while he loved me, he never planned to have me. My mom baby-trapped him by sabotaging their birth control methods, and my existence ruined his life irrevocably and caused the functional alcoholism he has suffered with for 40 years. FML
Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
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Top comments
gideeupp 9
That furniture saved your life. Haha
RabidBunny 10
From this day forward, you will buy all of your furniture from IKEA in gratitude that you live to fight another day! Secondly, don't feel bad. Trust me when I say, if my parents had the chance to give me back they would, but thats not important. What is important, is that you can make something of yourself and make your father regret ever thinking about paying for that abortion.
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Comments (151)
lesliespider 0
what a dick
RileyTheCoyote 6
Because someone doesn't want a child they're a dick? Nice.logic, fuckbag.
Mibby 11
He's a dick for telling his kid that, assmunch.
martic835 2
You owe your life to IKEA. They are your master. Worship them!
Luckyladybree 0
Agreed
Mirorbo 27
There are some things that should never be confessed...
sparxva 12
Eh, you're not the first person to enter the world because of an Ike sofa.
fauxjlo 0
You owe your existence to Ikea!!! Way to go Dad...
crazychick1269 7
What kind of a father would tell you that?!?!?!
kaylapple 1
you got one messed up dad!
dolphincheddar 10
But they taste.. So... Good. Mm so chewy it's like human veal
Mikayla1998 0
Some parents you have ...?
jren207 24
IKEA saves families.