Intimacy: Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me... - FML

By meeranda - France

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

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Commando

Nerves of steel

Assumptions

By WhoopteeDooDoo - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

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By whatthewhat? - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ontario

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now!

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

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By ug - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

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By Jonas - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

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By gatewayev700 - United States - Reading

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

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By Pups4Cups

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Cooperation

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 14:02

Alarmed

Today, my sister promised to wake me up at 8 for my 9:30 class. She woke me at noon, and only because I was snoring. FML

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By Anonymouss - United States

Today, I was informed, after being broken up with, that my girlfriend's father only set her up with me so that she would have more motivation to shower on a regular basis. He actually yelled at me for being broken up with. FML

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By Igor - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

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By TooYoungForThis

Benjamin Button

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Park City

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

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By

Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML

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By -___- - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML

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By creepyguy - Australia

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

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By SNBBFF - United States

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

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By i2xl - Canada

Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML

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By Sucker

* facepalm *

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 00:30 - Germany - Wolfsburg

Hello Alanis ? We've got something for you.

Today, two people at work - both higher up than me - called me out for "stomping" when I walk up stairs. I have a disability that causes this. We work at a place specifically for disabled people. FML

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By Need To Bathe In Deodorant - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

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By little_star78 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

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By Rae - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

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By holler - Japan

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

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By ugh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

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By painful - Norway

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

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By sweet - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

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By LadyGore - Canada

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

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By SocialAnxietyNightmare - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

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By BossesLittleBrat - United States - Jamestown

Today, my brat of a coworker tried to convince our boss that I should get paid half of what I'm making because I broke my right arm. I'm left handed, broke it on the job, and still doing a better job than her. She makes double what I do. FML

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By eeeee - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#748723 - Friday 1 January 2010 15:10

Plus, your dad is a cat person, right?

What's the big deal about doggie-style anyways? My wife and I do that all the time -- I beg and she rolls over and plays dead.

By v1kt4r | 13

#748670 - Friday 1 January 2010 14:08

If your parents can still tell you who you can or cannot see, you're not supzd to be even fucking
Thats makes this that much worse, definitely FYL

COMMENTS

By Blue_Coconuts | 7

#748574 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:07

ah, daddy's little whore... ardorable.

Reply

responses | 0

#807976 - Friday 29 January 2010 20:45

Today I walked in on my daughter having sex with a boy I told her not to date. did I mention doggy style? FML

Reply

winterharte | 0

#821362 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 10:57

@63- That was pretty fail.

Reply

Philosophic | 0

#833582 - Monday 8 February 2010 5:28

Bro - you have no idea how fucking hungry I am.

Reply

tinkerbell1357 | 0

#915831 - Friday 5 March 2010 4:11

ok???

Reply

taylorxsayss | 0

#960640 - Thursday 18 March 2010 3:35

what's doggie style?

Reply

chloelovestoswim | 6

#985971 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 14:23

ask ur mom #75 lmao

Reply

bballer55 | 0

#1013354 - Monday 31 May 2010 4:56

wow 75 ure dumb

anti flood strikes again :(

Reply

deliciouscake | 3

#1016098 - Wednesday 2 June 2010 7:15

No u

Reply

glorialaura21 | 8

#1053531 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:04

lol 75 are u twelve ?

Reply

Lucas_The_Troll | 0

#1137348 - Sunday 25 July 2010 9:39

hah best position

Reply

soul_fml | 0

#1177351 - Monday 2 August 2010 15:41

Best? whathapoened to missionary?

Reply

Macromartyr | 3

#1286109 - Sunday 22 August 2010 20:16

Damn I want to have sex so bad right now...

By annalovescheese | 0

#748575 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:07

sluzza.

By iangoodall311278 | 0

#748577 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:07

like your style! :-)

Reply

brenkite | 5

#2965565 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:08

she's not "seeing" him

Reply

baby610 | 4

#3470954 - Saturday 22 October 2011 9:05

I agree with 3 that's pretty hot;)

Reply

NeatNit | 32

#5554254 - Thursday 27 June 2013 2:13

I just found this FML through random and discovered that I had already voted FYL on it. wtf was I thinking back then?!

By joshhh11 | 0

#748579 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:08

I agree with #2 sluzzzzaaaaa

By fatalkiss | 0

#748605 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:30

doggy's beast. when my gma walked in I was riding my bf. I thought shed have a heart attack

Reply

NIRVANAfan123 | 0

#898377 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:08

niiice! wat ended up happening?

Reply

kaycox3 | 0

#1593243 - Sunday 24 October 2010 6:37

same thing happened to me with my gma hahaha her fake teeth fell out... p.s. she's not a slut! sex happens(:

Reply

TorturedXeno | 27

#5088984 - Sunday 28 October 2012 1:38

Well, did she?

Reply

esines | 9

#5655036 - Monday 2 September 2013 15:41

Cool story whore

Reply

KolbeLogan | 6

#5663703 - Sunday 8 September 2013 1:38

Skut

By g3rusz | 6

#748609 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:38

There's a thing called "pin tumbler lock". No, it's not a position from the Kama Sutra, but you might want to learn how to use it... it prevents anyone walking in on you.

Reply

bridgette5866 | 0

#922703 - Sunday 7 March 2010 22:02

Hahahahahaahahaha win.

By jf7609 | 0

#748646 - Friday 1 January 2010 13:25

lol that's awesome....the style that is! :D

By tbbucs | 0

#748657 - Friday 1 January 2010 13:43

lmao...and you dad doesn't like him why?

Reply

Brightblue2 | 14

#6334233 - Sunday 28 June 2015 6:04

Probably because they were caught having sex or they found out they were...

By v1kt4r | 13

#748670 - Friday 1 January 2010 14:08

If your parents can still tell you who you can or cannot see, you're not supzd to be even fucking
Thats makes this that much worse, definitely FYL

Reply

bballer55 | 0

#1013357 - Monday 31 May 2010 4:59

ure picture wins bro!!!!!!!

Reply

ily4life | 0

#1067176 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 10:38

agreed that's just wrong your probably way too young and that's the reason you aren't suppose to be with that guy! listening to your parents tends to help you in life, oh well just hope your not prego haha

Reply

film_addict1129 | 16

#4516724 - Sunday 3 June 2012 16:12

That really depends on the parents...
I know people who are 18 or 20 and because they live at home while going to uni, their parents still try and tell them what to do and who they can see - does this mean they're too young to be having sex? I think not

Reply

Brightblue2 | 14

#6334234 - Sunday 28 June 2015 6:07

My partners mother is very controlling and he's almost 20... He still has a curfew of 10 but only when he's with me.

By JarheadX_fml | 0

#748719 - Friday 1 January 2010 15:05

you were cought, so might as well kept on getting fucked

Reply

nikkamad | 0

#1870206 - Monday 20 December 2010 16:55

loool you gotta point