By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01

Oh, hello

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

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Intimacy

Sex

Cheating

Instadrama

Walk on the wild side

You're my mommy now

By UsuallyaUnicornbread - United States - Morrisville

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

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30468

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3296

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By not saying it was whores, but... - United States

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37322

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9091

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By IssacB - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23763

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5459

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 23:01

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1608

You deserved it

383

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By Lizzie - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Dad jokes, part #23555

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner for the first time. As a joke, my dad answered the door wearing the white church robes that he wears when he is lay-reading during a church service, and said, "Welcome, child of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1465

You deserved it

248

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By Mike - United States - Los Angeles

The Nerve!

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

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1275

You deserved it

211

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By Broken Leg, Broken Job

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5223

You deserved it

206

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By Anonymous - United States - Quakertown

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49880

You deserved it

4907

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 05:03

He's still right, though

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

675

You deserved it

164

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By Anonymous

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35555

You deserved it

2716

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By e11ie - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

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25792

You deserved it

3085

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By fourfootnine - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45629

You deserved it

4354

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By ouch - United States - Cleveland

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

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41631

You deserved it

4238

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By Partners - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

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28713

You deserved it

3373

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By Drew

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2648

You deserved it

103

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By miss Suzanne - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26387

You deserved it

9567

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By ShowerheadGirl - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

10093

You deserved it

24964

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By DwarvenWalrus

Today, I was at the water park in Disney World when I felt something run down my leg. I thought that I just hadn't dried off all the way, but when I looked down, there was diarrhea running out of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4378

You deserved it

688

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By erika - United States

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15809

You deserved it

46820

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By Anna - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24497

You deserved it

64556

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By WOWBear - United States - Mesa

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50134

You deserved it

13168

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By ljcxo17 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48131

You deserved it

4536

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By Camera - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31325

You deserved it

2163

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32438

You deserved it

5847

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By Anonymous - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26125

You deserved it

2226

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By alone - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42631

You deserved it

4775

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By wherermypants - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8408

You deserved it

28245

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By cheeseless - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12411

You deserved it

3860

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By JennyAndrews - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15107

You deserved it

31008

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By Anonymous - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34567

You deserved it

4125

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By crazycutie1027 - United States

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35098

You deserved it

6747

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By maebyf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43880

You deserved it

8341

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By thathurt - United States

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36932

You deserved it

8362

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By um...no? i don't think so anyway - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47433

You deserved it

6274

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By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22109

You deserved it

2133

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By Mary - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43225

You deserved it

6780

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By Anonymous - United States - Chandler

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17375

You deserved it

41406

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By YankeeDoodle - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25519

You deserved it

2049

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By Sadboy - United States

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44508

You deserved it

7177

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By disgusted - United States - Herndon

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28552

You deserved it

2003

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Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7965096 - Sunday 17 January 2021 19:35

Must have been a pretty big closet for both of them to have been fitting in there.

By fireblazes | 9

#7965067 - Sunday 17 January 2021 16:58

Your life sucks, but your Dad's life is rockin'!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7964950 - Sunday 17 January 2021 5:48

This is why we call home before we come home early.

Are you really happy to find this out? Ignorance is underrated.

Allsmash123 | 10

#7965099 - Sunday 17 January 2021 20:21

Richard Pencil are you really justifying cheating?

dasin | 17

#7968000 - Friday 29 January 2021 20:19

nope just old sayings used with sarcasm, or have ya not seen a pencil dick post before?

By Kaneki Chiaki | 13

#7965053 - Sunday 17 January 2021 15:08

I am not sure what I actually read.

By Kent Griffin | 3

#7965065 - Sunday 17 January 2021 16:57

holy shit

By fireblazes | 9

#7965067 - Sunday 17 January 2021 16:58

Your life sucks, but your Dad's life is rockin'!

By tounces7 | 27

#7965096 - Sunday 17 January 2021 19:35

Must have been a pretty big closet for both of them to have been fitting in there.

spinspinsugar | 10

#7965103 - Sunday 17 January 2021 20:30

it was probably a "walk-in"

By spinspinsugar | 10

#7965101 - Sunday 17 January 2021 20:29

Jerry! Jerry!

By Wadlaen | 19

#7965154 - Sunday 17 January 2021 23:36

You know what they say: Keep it in the family!😅

By phybreawptic | 12

#7965563 - Tuesday 19 January 2021 12:52

Makes you think about the friends your dad had when you were growing up I bet.

By Paul Hendry | 8

#7965796 - Wednesday 20 January 2021 10:58

sounds like ending of a porn video.. i wonder how they realised that the other one was gay?

on another note it could also be a bonding exercise ;)