Miscellaneous: Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see... - FML

12/03/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 3 590

Vulture

Age difference

Thanks, government

11/11/2018 05:00 - United States

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 300

You deserved it 239

Classic

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 16:30 - United States - Enterprise

Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 488

21/10/2013 13:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 888

You deserved it 3 106

01/04/2014 02:03 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 737

You deserved it 3 001

29/05/2015 04:16 - United States - Palmer

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 872

You deserved it 5 548

It's complicated

By illusia - 05/04/2021 16:58

Today, I was screamed at for not doing the dishes because I was exhausted. Last year, when my arm was broken, I did all my chores without complaint. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that I’d much, much rather work with a broken arm than while tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 128

05/03/2018 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 715

You deserved it 433

Incomprehensible

By Anonymous - 24/02/2020 02:00

Today, I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes on and when I came out of the shower, I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 901

You deserved it 334

18/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 025

You deserved it 39 314

20/06/2011 08:12 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 848

You deserved it 15 246

01/08/2014 02:50 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 725

You deserved it 4 053

14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 441

You deserved it 23 888

07/08/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend gave me a two weeks' notice for our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 639

You deserved it 357

What?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 110

When karma does its job

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 4 817

Paperboy on Commodore 64

By Xero_316 - 05/11/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was doing my paper route. I throw the papers onto people's driveways while sitting on the back of my dad's truck. To be funny my dad decided to suddenly speed up, causing me to fall off the back of the truck, face first onto the road. He didn't realize I fell off and kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 4 281

26/07/2013 07:58 - Australia - Dalkeith

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 201

You deserved it 2 962

25/11/2015 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 367

You deserved it 1 423

14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 445

You deserved it 6 819

29/08/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, my youngest child gave me the cold she had. I also started my period yesterday. Now I can’t stop coughing, and I feel like a human ketchup packet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 167

26/03/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 3 205

29/10/2011 16:01 - Canada

Today, I excitedly checked the mail to see if my Halloween costume finally arrived. It didn't. I live in an isolated city, so finding a costume by any other means than the Internet was impossible. I spent over $100 for a costume that I won't even get to wear this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 928

You deserved it 6 956

17/03/2015 06:12 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 772

You deserved it 12 333

16/12/2013 04:47 - United States - North Port

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 3 207

07/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 986

You deserved it 4 061

13/10/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 3 840

14/06/2015 15:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 3 393

11/01/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 316

You deserved it 2 918

11/01/2011 13:34

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 606

You deserved it 1 982

10/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took 3 hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 104

You deserved it 283

27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 227

You deserved it 89 148

The rest of us had already figured this out

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, after reading more FMLs than I'd care to count, I think I've finally realised that the world isn't made up up of mostly competent and intelligent people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 127

Thanks for coming in, Mr Belch

By ZG1 - 13/02/2021 20:00

Today, I burped and sneezed during a job interview, I don’t think they were impressed by my talents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 213

01/12/2012 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 2 000

03/03/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 3 183

20/08/2012 02:19 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 157

You deserved it 9 535

27/12/2010 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 772

You deserved it 6 874

03/06/2012 22:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 229

You deserved it 3 009

06/10/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 823

You deserved it 9 727

02/03/2012 06:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 145

You deserved it 4 561

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:17

Glad they still have a little fire in their furnace!

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:07

nekkid!

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:07

nekkid!

ohnoesnotagain 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:09

you have awesome parents lol

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:59

o god I would have thrown up

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 16:05

u should of said hey can I join in lol eeeewwww

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 16:13

well what are you waiting for take off your clothes and jump in. its no fun playing naked tag with only TWO people...

BadPinkKitty07 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 16:22

poor OP. time to wash your brains and eyes with soap now.

TheBreaKer_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 18:27

how many brains does the OP have?

GeoThermalSleuth 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 18:45

... That ... That's just great. Uguhuhuhhughhghghhghhg! O_O

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 19:17

The OP should save up that workin' money and get a place of their own so they will NEVER have to see that again.

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 19:44

72-agreed

z620 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 21:55

this is disturbing I'm now going to puke repeatedly

paigeatsflesh 11

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 22:23

bahahaahahhhahaahahahaa. that's so funny. xD ahahaha. ew

SeasonedSausage 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 23:00

Sounds like a ...threesome.

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 0:58

i think that makes op an official cock blocker

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 3:07

sexy haha

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 3:34

ewww ahh couldn't even try to imagine my parents doing that next time just don't come home if you get off early.

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 4:22

I'm glad that they have fun and love each other a lot. I feel terrible fr you that u had to see it. keep that stuff for when the kiddies are gone and not comin home for sure! plus what if someone happened to stop over?!? awkward! here's to hoping they close the blinds!

Betz 10

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 6:18

For op's sake I hope they weren't playing freeze tag.

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 7:24

agreed. I wish my rents were still in love like that

tehamericanboy94 0

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 7:49

LOL at 92... Granny always gets me :(

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 9:45

the best parents ever

garrettjordan 0

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 20:13

depends if he's a guy or girl

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 20:52

omg!! ew :C

Send a private message

Thursday 8 July 2010 15:34

well it's a whole lot better than seeing them fighting

Send a private message

Friday 19 November 2010 9:19

it would be more awesome if he had a boner too, and he had a like angry expression as she's running away.

Send a private message

Monday 13 June 2011 18:08

that must have been a sight

charadeyouare 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 August 2011 3:09

The fact that you find that to be funny both sickens and worries me.

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:10

OHH damn

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 1:29

shit thats just down rite NASTYY im sorry op

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:10

third!

cookie_monster2 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:12

fail

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 14:30

27th ! ;)

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 15:06

31st

beccaishereyay 11

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 20:57

first!! lol ^ that's bound to piss off some of you lol

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:15

I know you're probably traumatized, OP, but I gotta laugh at this one. XD

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:17

Glad they still have a little fire in their furnace!

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:26

"My life is f***ed. Today I found out my parents still love each other....."

Intellectualist 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:27

#9 would YOU want to see your dad chasing your mum around the house naked? Would you?

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 21:21

It's unfortunate how many people take that for granted :(

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 0:43

TRUCKMOM, YOU'VE COMMENTED THE SAME THING 3 TIMES. WE GET IT, I PROMISE

Send a private message

Saturday 29 September 2012 22:21

Well you know it is a little scarring to see your parents running around the house naked...

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:30

Did you bang on the door yelling; Police open up!!

Send a private message

Saturday 13 March 2010 8:01

Not cool man, you don't cockblock your parents. Not unless you want to get turkey slapped and anally penetrated. Which will happen to you if you don't STFU with your Victorian bullshit.

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:30

lmfao thats sucks

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:33

LOL this sucks XD

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 12:40

Time to move out..! You will be thinking about possible sexual acts involving your parents in every part of the house now. Yes, including your room.

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 18:16

I'll bet they've done it on the couch where you watch TV, the shower, and not to mention the kitchen table, where you eat breakfast! It's time to move the hell out.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 42

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 108