Miscellaneous: Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked... - FML

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 528

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 652

You deserved it 3 394

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 712

You deserved it 5 788

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 353

You deserved it 2 463

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 750

You deserved it 3 744

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 136

You deserved it 3 230

By Cecilly2010 - 28/04/2011 15:53

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 611

You deserved it 5 241

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 2 773

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 635

You deserved it 2 139

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

Next

Top comments

jonn090 13

Monday 2 April 2012 18:50

Is it me or do I smell a game of COD Nazi zombies?

thejewishfuhrer 17

Monday 2 April 2012 18:50

Don't forget to double tap. Oh and always wear your seatbelt.

Comments

Sayftyman 0

Monday 2 April 2012 22:39

Well, What are you waiting for? Get up and kill some Zombies!

naduskalove 3

Monday 2 April 2012 22:43

SON WAKE UP WE UNDER ZOMBI ATTACKKK ! Lol , you have got a pretty cool dad !

Isquatjarz 0

Monday 2 April 2012 22:50

Are you sure he was drunk? And wasn't on some regular show shit.

cjrand 7

Monday 2 April 2012 22:50

Yeah dude! Nothing like nerf'in it up at 4 am with pops! That's what I call bonding

andria907 2

Monday 2 April 2012 22:57

He is getting u ready for it

callixto_fml 3

Monday 2 April 2012 23:18

At least ur father cares if u die by zombies!

Kuroneko91 3

Monday 2 April 2012 23:22

He said something like: "Hey, you, wake up!!! It's time to kill some ******* zombies!!!" xDD

wdd2 5

Monday 2 April 2012 23:35

In case of zombie apocalypse: get a sling/shot and gain proficiency with it, free ammo everywhere and it can be quiet so they dont know where you are.

BCrazzi 9

Monday 2 April 2012 23:36

Ur problem??

midnight165 5

Monday 2 April 2012 23:36

If he's talking about call of duty nazi zombies then get up and play!

2
3
4
5
6
7

Keywords

Awkward Cars Transportation Embarrassing Kids Babysitter Relatable Family Thief Money Mental health Depression Health Work Wanker Bodyshaming Love Annoying Vacation Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Cats Animals Public freakouts Weddings Cops

The Top

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 251

You deserved it 7 781

Today, despite the fact that we are well off and desperate to be parents, my sister refuses to let us adopt her unborn baby, and intends to “raise him on her own.” We earn twice what she does and have been trying to conceive or adopt for 7 years, and she doesn’t even have a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 2 217

The Top

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 535

You deserved it 4 599

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 432

You deserved it 512

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 915

You deserved it 28 590

Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 165

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 878

You deserved it 1 797

do not count your chickens before they hatch

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 152