When you brag a bit too much By Lewis - 11/12/2018 00:30 do not count your chickens before they hatch I agree, your life sucks 231 You deserved it 153 Share Tweet Share
Today, my husband was arrested because a fox, fleeing from about a billion dogs and rich twats on horses, jumped through our car window, and cowered between my legs. He got out of the car, waded through the dogs, and pulled one of the twats off his horse into a puddle, ruining his red coat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 789 You deserved it 263
Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 29 281 You deserved it 37 306
Today, I found out that the pharmacy I've been getting my prescriptions from for over two decades is closing down. Just the one store. In less than a week. The signs proudly proclaim "Store Closing! This Store Only!" FML I agree, your life sucks 359 You deserved it 84
Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML I agree, your life sucks 33 248 You deserved it 34 782
Today, I called the suicide hotline after two months of recurring thoughts. I got put on hold by their machine, then was on call with someone who barely spoke English, got transferred to another building, so I was put on hold again, and finally got hung up on. I was already feeling pretty worthless, so thanks guys. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 385 You deserved it 126
Today, I was psyching myself up in the office bathroom mirror before a big presentation. I was doing power poses and whispering, “You’re smart, you’re powerful, you’re unstoppable.” When I turned around, three coworkers were waiting silently for the stalls, watching my whole performance. FML I agree, your life sucks 133 You deserved it 384
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