By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
I agree, your life sucks 42 728
You deserved it 3 741

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That's when you push him off the toilet and scream"Gandalf!" Trust me, he won't be mad or anything.

at least he's an amusing drunk?


That's when you push him off the toilet and scream"Gandalf!" Trust me, he won't be mad or anything.

Or kick him off screaming "THIS IS SPARTA."


"Use the force, Luke." Edit: Oh, sorry. I thought we were just quoting random movies.

ElementaryEdGuy 18

19: That sounds fun! "Boo, you whore."

"Who is Keyser Söze?"

Zimmington 21

"I will NEVER forgive you"

shyeahh_fml 19


Tell him someone is trying to steal his car or trying to tow it away.

"The pellet with the poison is in the flagon with the dragon, the chalice with the palace has the brew that is true."


"Yippie Kai yay mother fucker"

No, he doesn't need to shave! It is No-shave November! At least his dad has the right idea.

"Fuck yourself asshole!" "I would if I could!"

^ the immaturity is strong in this one

WompWompWomp123 7


JoeGrant 12

"You're a dirty pirate hooker! Why don't you go back to your home on whore island!" - The legend himself, Ron Burgundy

So, I'm guessing no one has seen the movie "The Court Jester" starring Danny Kaye? A comedy that doesn't rely on inuendo, sex, ethnicity or toilet humor to get cheap laughs.

Why? Why not just watch Monty Python...

It's only a flesh wound.

*Tis only a flesh wound

"Stupid is as stupid does!"

alcoholism is a major problem

*thrusts pelvis* "Schwing!" If you don't know that movie, you're definately missing out.

Its No-Shave-November for deer season son, grow it out

at least he's an amusing drunk?

CallMeWindSock 24

Maybe he's really into No-Shave November

It's actually called "Movember", and you're only supposed to keep the moustache. The goal is to raise prostate cancer awareness.

Zimmington 21

24- Actually you're talking about 2 completely different things. I have never even heard of "Movember"

Some men should never grow a moustache

And some men can have a temporary moustache with the aid of a nearby women.

*a nearby woman

#33 How can you not know about Movember it's everywhere!

Zimmington 21

Apparently it isn't "Everywhere" because that comment was my first time ever hearing that term

I have also never heard of it

At least you didn't fall into a cavernous abyss immediately afterwards.

But he did release one hell of a Balrog...

Grab it and leave. I'm sure your drawer with your shaving equipment should be closer to you than the toilet. It's like a video game!

But OP isn't allowed to shave, it's Movember dude! Gotta try and rock some facial hair.

How could I forget? I'm actually doing it myself. In that case... DEAL WITH IT, OP

chocolatefrog28 29

How do you know he was definitely screaming at you? Maybe he was constipated.

LOL this is one of the best comments I've ever read. Thank you for making my day :)

Or had kidney stones

xarina 11

This made me laugh as much as the fml :) thank you!

saucyrossi 18

Well if you had to use the bathroom it would be YOU SHALL NOT PISS

Just crawl in screaming "MY PRECIOUS" and jump at him, it'll scare the shit out of him and the bathroom can be all yours.

Actually, there is likely no shit left to scare out, him being on the toilet and all.

Just imagining that is so funny

This is when you start taping, it sounds hysterical.

Maybe he was telling his shit shall not pass his anus... It's not all about you

Your father probably just wants you to participate in no-shave November

blackman100 20

Unless OP is female.

Girls can participate in no-shave November as well. Not as common, nor as attractive, but it still happens.

considering the male sign in the top corner of this FML. OP is a male anyhow.