Miscellaneous: Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted...

By jccwell - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

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26998

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2356

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Toxic parents

Fire hydrant

By MCMB33 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37822

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3063

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By Jonnygiant - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26202

You deserved it

69890

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By Heather - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44989

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3196

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By nothing - United States

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28827

You deserved it

63647

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25385

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2659

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By Anonymous

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3560

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7829

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29677

You deserved it

5818

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50264

You deserved it

23909

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 20:03 - Australia

FML every way you look at it

Today, I had an enjoyable Tinder date, but I wasn't feeling any physical attraction because of her short hair. I let her know, to which she replied, "I don't like it either but growing it after chemo is a slow process." FML

I agree, your life sucks

374

You deserved it

2962

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23191

You deserved it

7852

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By WTF - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30886

You deserved it

2152

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By worsethanzombies - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34019

You deserved it

4851

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By chinatownhobo - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52350

You deserved it

3619

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By hard_headed - United States

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15843

You deserved it

22889

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By IcantDance! - United States - Daphne

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27233

You deserved it

2709

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By 3023-dang - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41887

You deserved it

2577

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By Worstjob - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39233

You deserved it

4430

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By corfan01 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46614

You deserved it

2350

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By Jailbird - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4185

You deserved it

536

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46776

You deserved it

5234

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By shouldhavestayedinbed - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13192

You deserved it

1992

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By -_- - United Kingdom

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31797

You deserved it

4048

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By why - United States

Today, it's easier to buy a house than it is to get out of a gym contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21744

You deserved it

2166

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By LivingBroke

Sorry mate, you're on your own

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4076

You deserved it

453

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By shockedgirl - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46072

You deserved it

2703

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By MariosNightmare - 18/12/2020 07:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Plumbed out

Today, what should've been a five-minute job replacing a drain turned into a 2 hour ordeal just to remove the old one. The original part was put in incorrectly, so whoever did it used a full tube of silicone to make it watertight. FML

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798

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By :x - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33755

You deserved it

5303

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By seablue - United States

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

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54222

You deserved it

16468

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By thebigpeezy - United States

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59055

You deserved it

2961

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14537

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1921

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By fatty - Canada - Calgary

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9507

You deserved it

18700

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By really? - United States - Concord

Today, my son told me that some kids had been picking on him at school. When I asked him to elaborate, he said that kids sometimes didn't say "Hi" back when he greeted them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3763

You deserved it

530

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By heartbroken - Canada - Brantford

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30524

You deserved it

2811

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By WTF - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29687

You deserved it

2201

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72452

You deserved it

4044

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By potatoebee - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16652

You deserved it

27126

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29303

You deserved it

3953

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By radioinvader - Canada - Kingston

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25446

You deserved it

3744

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29797

You deserved it

6889

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By rejected - United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

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1491

You deserved it

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Top comments

By trollsemen | 8

#3335942 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Sooo.... What's your gamertag??

By WCARlover | 34

#3335971 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:31

Wow, another sucky father FML...did he buy you cigarettes when you were 15 too?

COMMENTS

By joecelticsballa | 0

#3335900 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:23

Tell him to F off and hide it

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3336017 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:39

^You have to if they mess with your xbox.

chell1894 | 13

#3336052 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:49

Xbox, mans best friend.

chell1894 | 13

#3336065 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:50

And 9 I know plenty of fathers that *raised* their child that deserve a fuck off.

xoconnie | 8

#3336069 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:51

LOL burn.
sorry dude, thats quite sad.

flamerocker | 9

#3336081 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:54

Tell him you sold it for a PS3. That way, if he does visit you, it will be for you!

jacob12311 | 4

#3336265 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:30

18 you put words in " " not * *, where did you learn how to type sarcastic????

chell1894 | 13

#3336522 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:01

It's called a typo. Chill

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3337356 - Saturday 24 September 2011 7:20

1- Why would you hide it after telling him to F off. The reasoning behind telling him that is so you get to keep it and play it.

lolwutsameme | 0

#3345077 - Sunday 25 September 2011 19:21

33- incorrect grammar, proper way to say that would be "sarcastically."

By trollsemen | 8

#3335942 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Sooo.... What's your gamertag??

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3336026 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:43

jccwell?

kickazz16 | 15

#3336166 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:12

Chucknorrisisadinosaurhunter :)

Ricky23J | 0

#3336830 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:59

S0 FI2ESH 23

hailphire130 | 0

#3336999 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:52

There's a 20% chance that it's XxXSniperzzzXxX.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#3337056 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:58

I would've marked an x on a cardboard box and given it to him.

By RebekahBrooke | 9

#3335946 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Aww wow that's really sad. :(

brutuka | 2

#3336301 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:44

U comment on alot of fmls

FuttBuck | 0

#3336512 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:00

I'd tap you.

JustinComments | 3

#3336618 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:29

You two, tuck your boners... she's like 15

RebekahBrooke | 9

#3336699 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:06

You can't spell.
You creep me out.
And thank you!

iMagzzzy | 0

#3338889 - Saturday 24 September 2011 16:32

You know that you only get likes because of your picture.

SneakherHead | 5

#3339338 - Saturday 24 September 2011 17:48

I liked your comment because of your picture Wendy

NagatoPain | 4

#3339932 - Saturday 24 September 2011 20:30

63 I disliked your comment cause your acting like some smartass here on FML!

RebekahBrooke | 9

#3341158 - Sunday 25 September 2011 0:37

So am I not supposed to have a picture of myself? :/

FuttBuck | 0

#3343726 - Sunday 25 September 2011 13:43

Yeah, looks like some people can't take a joke.

I'm 16, I'll "tuck my boner"

KYLEW72 | 3

#4628918 - Friday 29 June 2012 5:43

Hey

By twofirstnames | 12

#3335962 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:29

Join him..

By WCARlover | 34

#3335971 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:31

Wow, another sucky father FML...did he buy you cigarettes when you were 15 too?

By kaileb | 7

#3335977 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:32

Haha great dad bro

By marpay | 11

#3335987 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:34

Play together. That would be more fun than letting it get you down.

Kethbad_fml | 2

#3336132 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:04

This!

And if the matriarch ever comes along to pick him up, send her straight to the kitchen... I

Indeed, wars make people hungry. xD

By RabidBunny | 10

#3335994 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:34

I know people are going to hate but I prefer PS3...let the flames begin

By kidwiththeface42 | 7

#3336007 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:36

Have a nice friendly 1v1 with him. Umad dad?

By GasMaskKid13 | 0

#3336012 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:37

Gamertag: Xx_Ass-Of-A-Dad_xX

lena6310 | 0

#3336114 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:02

I lol'd