Miscellaneous: Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted...

By jccwell - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

BO Central

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

By Can't Unsee

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

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3027

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522

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By grossedout - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

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39784

You deserved it

3031

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By Anonymous - United States - Goldendale

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27439

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1936

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By Samantha - Canada

Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML

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25896

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By virginmary - Reserved

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

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24287

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3826

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By Anonymous - United States - Northridge

No kinkshaming here

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

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34963

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2020 22:59

Observational comedy

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

969

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141

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By unfortunate - Sweden

Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23003

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By Brandon Butler

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38534

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2983

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1662

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127

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

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26635

You deserved it

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By RandomMe - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

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17630

You deserved it

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By StrawHatBill - United States

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32197

You deserved it

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By Sarraahh - Canada

Mystery

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1911

You deserved it

148

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By abercrombieef - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

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86555

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3930

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By GirlOnTheFly - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

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6882

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10887

You deserved it

1187

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By LevKin - Canada

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He strongly believes in "first impressions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44254

You deserved it

6713

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By mustanggt - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2675

You deserved it

952

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By fucking pissants - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31613

You deserved it

2878

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

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40697

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By pgmonster - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29836

You deserved it

5348

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By K123 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39933

You deserved it

5397

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By asdf - United States

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

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47199

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

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29969

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By bubblegummm13 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33646

You deserved it

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By ConfusedGinger - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

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8805

You deserved it

2225

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By bitty - United States

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

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25252

You deserved it

6871

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By misshb - United Kingdom

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

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12158

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By BDSarah

Special

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

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1508

You deserved it

117

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By whatevershit - United States - Theodore

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

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23230

You deserved it

2989

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By aaaaaaaaasssssssssssssss - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23907

You deserved it

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By air - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23592

You deserved it

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By Hunterxx - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

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39629

You deserved it

7198

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43750

You deserved it

3936

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By ouch - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26762

You deserved it

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By Julie is in pain - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26091

You deserved it

2448

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13366

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43225

You deserved it

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By Holyguacamoly - Iceland

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

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Top comments

By trollsemen | 8

#3335942 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Sooo.... What's your gamertag??

By WCARlover | 34

#3335971 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:31

Wow, another sucky father FML...did he buy you cigarettes when you were 15 too?

COMMENTS

By joecelticsballa | 0

#3335900 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:23

Tell him to F off and hide it

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3336017 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:39

^You have to if they mess with your xbox.

chell1894 | 13

#3336052 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:49

Xbox, mans best friend.

chell1894 | 13

#3336065 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:50

And 9 I know plenty of fathers that *raised* their child that deserve a fuck off.

xoconnie | 8

#3336069 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:51

LOL burn.
sorry dude, thats quite sad.

flamerocker | 9

#3336081 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:54

Tell him you sold it for a PS3. That way, if he does visit you, it will be for you!

jacob12311 | 4

#3336265 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:30

18 you put words in " " not * *, where did you learn how to type sarcastic????

chell1894 | 13

#3336522 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:01

It's called a typo. Chill

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3337356 - Saturday 24 September 2011 7:20

1- Why would you hide it after telling him to F off. The reasoning behind telling him that is so you get to keep it and play it.

lolwutsameme | 0

#3345077 - Sunday 25 September 2011 19:21

33- incorrect grammar, proper way to say that would be "sarcastically."

By trollsemen | 8

#3335942 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Sooo.... What's your gamertag??

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3336026 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:43

jccwell?

kickazz16 | 15

#3336166 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:12

Chucknorrisisadinosaurhunter :)

Ricky23J | 0

#3336830 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:59

S0 FI2ESH 23

hailphire130 | 0

#3336999 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:52

There's a 20% chance that it's XxXSniperzzzXxX.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#3337056 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:58

I would've marked an x on a cardboard box and given it to him.

By RebekahBrooke | 9

#3335946 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Aww wow that's really sad. :(

brutuka | 2

#3336301 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:44

U comment on alot of fmls

FuttBuck | 0

#3336512 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:00

I'd tap you.

JustinComments | 3

#3336618 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:29

You two, tuck your boners... she's like 15

RebekahBrooke | 9

#3336699 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:06

You can't spell.
You creep me out.
And thank you!

iMagzzzy | 0

#3338889 - Saturday 24 September 2011 16:32

You know that you only get likes because of your picture.

SneakherHead | 5

#3339338 - Saturday 24 September 2011 17:48

I liked your comment because of your picture Wendy

NagatoPain | 4

#3339932 - Saturday 24 September 2011 20:30

63 I disliked your comment cause your acting like some smartass here on FML!

RebekahBrooke | 9

#3341158 - Sunday 25 September 2011 0:37

So am I not supposed to have a picture of myself? :/

FuttBuck | 0

#3343726 - Sunday 25 September 2011 13:43

Yeah, looks like some people can't take a joke.

I'm 16, I'll "tuck my boner"

KYLEW72 | 3

#4628918 - Friday 29 June 2012 5:43

Hey

By twofirstnames | 12

#3335962 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:29

Join him..

By WCARlover | 34

#3335971 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:31

Wow, another sucky father FML...did he buy you cigarettes when you were 15 too?

By kaileb | 7

#3335977 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:32

Haha great dad bro

By marpay | 11

#3335987 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:34

Play together. That would be more fun than letting it get you down.

Kethbad_fml | 2

#3336132 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:04

This!

And if the matriarch ever comes along to pick him up, send her straight to the kitchen... I

Indeed, wars make people hungry. xD

By RabidBunny | 10

#3335994 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:34

I know people are going to hate but I prefer PS3...let the flames begin

By kidwiththeface42 | 7

#3336007 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:36

Have a nice friendly 1v1 with him. Umad dad?

By GasMaskKid13 | 0

#3336012 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:37

Gamertag: Xx_Ass-Of-A-Dad_xX

lena6310 | 0

#3336114 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:02

I lol'd