Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted...

By jccwell - 23/9/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

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26985

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Miscellaneous

Billy no-mates

True hero

This is fine

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Stress level: 2020

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

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775

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

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27556

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2015 18:36 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

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34874

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2016 14:10 - Serbia - Pancevo

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

16755

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1374

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By janedoe - 12/2/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

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91607

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 20:01

A ghost

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

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1254

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327

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By ahhhhhhh - 30/7/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

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1543

You deserved it

563

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By Sl3vin - 19/1/2010 14:17 - United States

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

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32330

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6808

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By Unreasonable - 23/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

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2135

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135

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 23:01

Boundaries

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

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1720

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171

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By oldskoolfun - 26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20314

You deserved it

10567

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By orilykid - 31/10/2012 17:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25965

You deserved it

1941

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By oopsies - 8/1/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27743

You deserved it

5400

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By Ducati - 10/8/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

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By Noname - 18/2/2009 15:43 - United States

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

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15844

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2012 14:14 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

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8421

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By darknight - 21/7/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

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514

You deserved it

3694

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By Velian - 9/12/2008 08:59 - France

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32548

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By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

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4623

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936

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2012 16:56 - Canada - Orleans

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26802

You deserved it

1990

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2019 16:00

Today, my husband is still swearing he’s not cheating, forgetting I have a bachelor's in criminal justice with a minor in criminology. Leaving for work 2 hours early going to the same address every morning? Late every evening going to the same said address? How stupid does he think I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1890

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257

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By whymanwhy - 13/4/2015 10:43 - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38035

You deserved it

3323

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By me - 19/5/2012 02:41 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

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28996

You deserved it

5473

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By 4evalone - 22/4/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26949

You deserved it

1629

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By the fuck? - 5/3/2016 09:49 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, I actually had to reassure the girl I'm seeing that she can't "catch" my epilepsy. FML

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20636

You deserved it

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By emancipate me - 15/5/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14097

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1454

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By Dandruff - 24/5/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

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28127

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By HelpMe1 - 6/11/2014 06:53 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

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36132

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By ugh - 26/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

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31963

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

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256853

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By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

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2210

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2012 12:36 - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

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25182

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2014 05:06 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

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38660

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By lonely - 21/3/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

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39576

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

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68422

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 12:39 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15185

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1352

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2013 06:18 - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

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24523

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By tracie - 22/9/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

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By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

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By kp - 17/10/2011 00:47 - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

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Top comments

By trollsemen | 8

#3335942 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Sooo.... What's your gamertag??

By WCARlover | 34

#3335971 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:31

Wow, another sucky father FML...did he buy you cigarettes when you were 15 too?

COMMENTS

By joecelticsballa | 0

#3335900 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:23

Tell him to F off and hide it

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3336017 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:39

^You have to if they mess with your xbox.

chell1894 | 13

#3336052 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:49

Xbox, mans best friend.

chell1894 | 13

#3336065 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:50

And 9 I know plenty of fathers that *raised* their child that deserve a fuck off.

xoconnie | 8

#3336069 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:51

LOL burn.
sorry dude, thats quite sad.

flamerocker | 9

#3336081 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:54

Tell him you sold it for a PS3. That way, if he does visit you, it will be for you!

jacob12311 | 4

#3336265 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:30

18 you put words in " " not * *, where did you learn how to type sarcastic????

chell1894 | 13

#3336522 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:01

It's called a typo. Chill

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3337356 - Saturday 24 September 2011 7:20

1- Why would you hide it after telling him to F off. The reasoning behind telling him that is so you get to keep it and play it.

lolwutsameme | 0

#3345077 - Sunday 25 September 2011 19:21

33- incorrect grammar, proper way to say that would be "sarcastically."

By trollsemen | 8

#3335942 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Sooo.... What's your gamertag??

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3336026 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:43

jccwell?

kickazz16 | 15

#3336166 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:12

Chucknorrisisadinosaurhunter :)

Ricky23J | 0

#3336830 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:59

S0 FI2ESH 23

hailphire130 | 0

#3336999 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:52

There's a 20% chance that it's XxXSniperzzzXxX.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#3337056 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:58

I would've marked an x on a cardboard box and given it to him.

By RebekahBrooke | 9

#3335946 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:27

Aww wow that's really sad. :(

brutuka | 2

#3336301 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:44

U comment on alot of fmls

FuttBuck | 0

#3336512 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:00

I'd tap you.

JustinComments | 3

#3336618 - Saturday 24 September 2011 3:29

You two, tuck your boners... she's like 15

RebekahBrooke | 9

#3336699 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:06

You can't spell.
You creep me out.
And thank you!

iMagzzzy | 0

#3338889 - Saturday 24 September 2011 16:32

You know that you only get likes because of your picture.

SneakherHead | 5

#3339338 - Saturday 24 September 2011 17:48

I liked your comment because of your picture Wendy

NagatoPain | 4

#3339932 - Saturday 24 September 2011 20:30

63 I disliked your comment cause your acting like some smartass here on FML!

RebekahBrooke | 9

#3341158 - Sunday 25 September 2011 0:37

So am I not supposed to have a picture of myself? :/

FuttBuck | 0

#3343726 - Sunday 25 September 2011 13:43

Yeah, looks like some people can't take a joke.

I'm 16, I'll "tuck my boner"

KYLEW72 | 3

#4628918 - Friday 29 June 2012 5:43

Hey

By twofirstnames | 12

#3335962 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:29

Join him..

By WCARlover | 34

#3335971 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:31

Wow, another sucky father FML...did he buy you cigarettes when you were 15 too?

By kaileb | 7

#3335977 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:32

Haha great dad bro

By marpay | 11

#3335987 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:34

Play together. That would be more fun than letting it get you down.

Kethbad_fml | 2

#3336132 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:04

This!

And if the matriarch ever comes along to pick him up, send her straight to the kitchen... I

Indeed, wars make people hungry. xD

By RabidBunny | 10

#3335994 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:34

I know people are going to hate but I prefer PS3...let the flames begin

By kidwiththeface42 | 7

#3336007 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:36

Have a nice friendly 1v1 with him. Umad dad?

By GasMaskKid13 | 0

#3336012 - Saturday 24 September 2011 0:37

Gamertag: Xx_Ass-Of-A-Dad_xX

lena6310 | 0

#3336114 - Saturday 24 September 2011 1:02

I lol'd