Miscellaneous: Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to... - FML

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 313

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Stellar parenting

By joi9496 - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 703

You deserved it 471

Role model

By Ryan - 11/07/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I met my dad for first time in 22 years. He smoked a joint with me, showed me his plants, and gave me a bag of mushrooms. Every time I try and believe I'm not trash, the universe tells me different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 192

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 498

You deserved it 2 433

By Anonymous - 16/06/2013 16:14 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 571

You deserved it 3 377

By Anonymous - 22/04/2015 13:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 6 065

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 339

You deserved it 2 527

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 247

You deserved it 3 407

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 106

You deserved it 2 748

Keeping it real

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 08:37 - Australia - Wilston

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 744

You deserved it 3 320

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 21:03 - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding, and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 862

You deserved it 2 174

Next

Top comments

Glowworm56 26

Friday 28 April 2017 0:21

That's funny. Usually fathers call to say hi, not to ask if you want to get high.

maikeru1979 23

Friday 28 April 2017 1:38

Have a question that inquiring minds want to know....Did you buy any?

Comments

Glowworm56 26

Friday 28 April 2017 0:21

That's funny. Usually fathers call to say hi, not to ask if you want to get high.

mattyiscool123 26

Friday 28 April 2017 0:31

I don't see the problem here

maikeru1979 23

Friday 28 April 2017 1:38

Have a question that inquiring minds want to know....Did you buy any?

awildwhisper 30

Friday 28 April 2017 2:51

Now you know why he wasn't in your life.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 28 April 2017 5:29

What a shit dad! Aw, I'm sorry. He should be GIVING you weed!

species4872 19

Friday 28 April 2017 8:09

Some ******* father. You don't charge your own kid.

HalfLit 17

Friday 28 April 2017 13:31

Look man, my Dad didn't contact me for almost a year, and I found out he was in jail. And you know what? I held no grudge because he's my Dad. Parents are people too and they make mistakes. Let it go, at least he called you.

chessu 21

Friday 28 April 2017 13:38

Not sure if serious or not?

TaoShaman 24

Friday 28 April 2017 21:04

And when people make enough mistakes you cut ties with them. What's your point? Also, nice job hijacking someone else's post to talk about yourself.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Awkward Management Work Poopoo peepee Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 486

You deserved it 38 932

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 2 713

The Top

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 232

You deserved it 7 282

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 172

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 266

You deserved it 730

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 817

You deserved it 5 165

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 922

You deserved it 5 395

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 531

You deserved it 2 797