By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 08:03

Unloved

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

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1320

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104

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This ain't working out

What did I do?

Billy no-mates

By Anonymous - 24/4/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22841

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By boohoo - 4/6/2012 12:45 - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17507

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By buttuglyforeveralone :( - 5/7/2013 21:37 - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49379

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By frozenpoo - 21/1/2015 02:05 - United States

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34557

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2012 16:53 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I found out that the piece of vacant land I purchased for $20,000 is illegal to build a house on, due to acreage restrictions. Thank you, realtor. FML

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28452

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5590

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By tallvet - 22/3/2018 19:00

Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3832

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279

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By Sun_Kissed18 - 9/7/2014 07:26 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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46369

You deserved it

4184

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By whippingpost - 8/3/2020 04:56

Drunken lout

Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

102

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2019 06:00 - United States - New York

Great start

Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1822

You deserved it

533

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2013 05:07 - United States - Topeka

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

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10535

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56515

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2016 20:58 - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

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18792

You deserved it

1767

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By birthday girl - 26/7/2014 04:55 - United States - Toledo

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

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41781

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4111

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

It's a doggy dog world

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

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2154

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137

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By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/9/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

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10255

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2848

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By paywithpoop - 22/6/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

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49909

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3853

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 02:00

Pampered

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

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1819

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119

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

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35016

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By MadWorld - 28/8/2016 17:49

Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana Grace. My sister just revealed she is having a girl and naming her Hana Grace since "the name is up for grabs now". FML

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29420

You deserved it

1256

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By natedudelol - 7/6/2018 19:00

#choices

Today, at the self-checkout, I didn't have enough money for honey, so I just walked out with it and ended up getting caught. Now I have to hold a sign in front of the store wearing a big bumblebee costume. FML

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886

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8306

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By Karlo Kračun - 9/7/2020 08:08

Poor Mr Nibbles

Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1520

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By Katie - 13/12/2012 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31046

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2589

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By abbacjt - 16/1/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

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7734

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26541

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By ohgod... - 2/4/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

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43972

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3396

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 12:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51966

You deserved it

9754

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By Fml24609 - 9/8/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

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9771

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32514

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By Nice Melons - 29/9/2013 21:12 - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38616

You deserved it

4910

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By jentea - 5/9/2010 02:22 - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10316

You deserved it

34744

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By lostlove - 1/10/2011 02:57 - United States

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44007

You deserved it

7758

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By Jesse from - 3/8/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7215

You deserved it

38842

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 16:48 - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47066

You deserved it

8461

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By Gjkashldf - 4/5/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

I agree, your life sucks

19952

You deserved it

57569

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By LindseyS - 20/3/2012 02:00 - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40978

You deserved it

106369

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By skmusic - 9/4/2009 05:04 - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21222

You deserved it

74949

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By Tanner - 7/4/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

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30458

You deserved it

10682

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By onlywantuanyway - 5/9/2014 22:59

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53701

You deserved it

8253

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By beardedlady - 2/7/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49910

You deserved it

5205

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By Bl6122 - 2/2/2017 21:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school's alumni association for my recent passing. I'm still alive! FML

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9058

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680

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30548

You deserved it

10334

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By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39255

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3438

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 17:28 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

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57786

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Top comments

By worldclassrager | 39

#7927973 - Monday 3 August 2020 8:51

Father of the year award material right there

By genuinegoodguy | 8

#7928175 - Tuesday 4 August 2020 0:25

I’m so sorry.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7927952 - Monday 3 August 2020 8:21

You probably don't want to know the real reason.

By worldclassrager | 39

#7927973 - Monday 3 August 2020 8:51

Father of the year award material right there

By bluemaskedarrow | 3

#7928041 - Monday 3 August 2020 14:20

I know how that feels

By genuinegoodguy | 8

#7928175 - Tuesday 4 August 2020 0:25

I’m so sorry.