Miscellaneous: Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking...

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:07 - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 536

You deserved it 2 109

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Is that even legal?

It is what it is

Fundies say the darndest things

By Lyle - 13/12/2020 01:07 - United Kingdom

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 91

By GROSS - 07/03/2015 15:58 - Bangladesh

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 461

You deserved it 2 514

By Percy - 23/03/2019 20:00

Today, the phrase "To share everything with one's friends" took a pretty unexpected meaning when a friend of mine asked me for a date. When I told him how unlikely it was to happen because of my friendship with his girlfriend, he answered that it was no excuse as she fell in love with me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 19/04/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 182

You deserved it 410

By AllergicToRosesAndSingle - 15/02/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 958

You deserved it 419

Go mom!

By disgusted - 04/10/2012 23:24 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said, "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 3 258

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 91

Nice pic

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 929

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 529

You deserved it 3 859

By dumpedfornoreason - 01/10/2017 18:30 - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 555

By Sleeper_C3ll - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 954

You deserved it 2 856

By zinka - 25/07/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 876

You deserved it 38 001

By Alejandroc - 20/01/2012 01:46 - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 087

You deserved it 3 451

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 827

You deserved it 20 595

By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 252

You deserved it 5 296

By thatsucks - 30/12/2010 09:39

Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 063

You deserved it 4 620

By d.stack - 12/08/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 703

You deserved it 3 972

By Gurior - 04/09/2011 07:01 - Canada

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 874

You deserved it 48 611

By onemoredonut - 03/05/2016 01:39 - United States - Herndon

Today, while directing traffic in uniform, I tripped over a traffic cone and fell straight on my butt in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 654

You deserved it 1 287

Easy listener

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 08:06

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 208

Ace of Spades

By Simon Edhouse - 13/09/2021 09:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 21:59 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 793

You deserved it 5 825

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 209

You deserved it 4 039

By jsquared - 05/11/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 485

You deserved it 3 112

Revenge

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 25/12/2020 09:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, after I divorced my husband because of his extreme alcoholism, he's now sober and got his life together and I see the man I fell madly in love with. Apparently, getting better for revenge meant more than getting better for the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 184

By User - 23/09/2013 17:53 - United States - Romulus

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 898

You deserved it 6 674

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 08:21 - United States - Pomona

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 835

You deserved it 1 434

By they've been broken up for a year. - 19/11/2012 07:13 - United States - Dallas

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 904

You deserved it 2 628

By crotchshothottie - 26/07/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 467

You deserved it 38 745

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 373

You deserved it 8 807

By stankness - 22/03/2013 15:01 - United States

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 276

You deserved it 2 776

By GrahamCracker - 21/05/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 584

You deserved it 8 904

By Scholar - 16/06/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 412

You deserved it 6 159

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 04:29 - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 093

You deserved it 2 360

By stupid useless criminal - 21/11/2017 19:00

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 484

You deserved it 536

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 2 871

By Lolaa123 - 25/09/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 3 846

Catch 22

By kattydoo07 - 29/04/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 702

You deserved it 4 200

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 854

You deserved it 7 323

Australia? Australia.

By ReptillianFreeloader - 13/02/2017 11:00 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 142

You deserved it 644

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

FrutLoopDingus 19

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

You young whippersnappers shouldn't be that close anyways

thewcloner 22

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

Maybe they were killer plants?

FrutLoopDingus 19

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

You young whippersnappers shouldn't be that close anyways

FrootLoopDingus 4

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 7:50

We have an imposter in our mist.

friedpwnadge 25

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 16:51

This is a police matter. OP was assaulted and their phone could have gotten wet as well.

FrutLoopDingus 19

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 18:19

I was here first I just choose to spell my name this way

thewcloner 22

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

Maybe they were killer plants?

hippodankamus 22

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Yeah, maybe they were deadly piranha plants and she was protecting OP.

thewcloner 22

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:50

Exactly

Zufallian 34

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:51

I think the only deadly thing is the women that sprayed OP.

False_Stupidity 41

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 0:27

Triffids?

Allornone 35

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 5:04

feed me, Seymour.

udderbutter 15

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Next time you see her in her front lawn spray her with your hose

tantanpanda 26

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 20:25

nah, just start ripping up her plants. you're already wet anyway, might as well.

AnalAssassin1 14

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 21:55

What she did was assault lol. You can't just spray people with water...

whyusofat 17

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 3:26

So what your saying is rain is basically illegal then?

logicnazi 18

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 7:41

Take it from AnalAssassin. I'm guessing he knows plenty about assault. Seriously though he's not wrong.

TheSgLeader 21

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Wow, what a thick-headed neighbor you have. I hope you got to change your clothes right away. FYL

chronicB 19

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

did you need a watering?

tormcn 26

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

She might not be able to see you well, and thought you were closer than the side walk.

lolhailsatan 23

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 20:40

still no reason to reason to spray your neighbor with a hose lol

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 21:45

she could see well enough to accurately spray him

albinoturk 9

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Pee on her to show dominance

hasooon 24

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 0:15

Tried and did work. Now i have larger territory and a black eye.

danielhartlesss 13

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:47

So retaliate by ripping up her plants

DFMLharsh 20

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 20:05

^ Mojo-jo spotted. You're evil >.

DFMLharsh 20

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 20:23

*Mojo-Jojo, I meant!

xoragebaby 17

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:48

Talk about attachment issues to those plants, crazy neighbor needs a new hobby.

sonasonic 34

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:59

I hear crazy cat ladies are in season this year.

jerome74 1

Send a private message

Saturday 30 May 2015 19:50

her vision might be going

sonasonic 34

Send a private message

Sunday 31 May 2015 14:00

So is her sanity.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 42

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 145

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 978

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments