Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking...

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30501

You deserved it

2107

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Every little helps

Fancy a pint?

Inspirational tale

By Ellen - Norway

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14407

You deserved it

30142

Favorite

By ohgodwhyyoufreaks - United States - Moorhead

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49573

You deserved it

6709

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out what its like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31455

You deserved it

7177

Favorite

By ol faithful - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9871

You deserved it

41708

Favorite

By michael

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

473

You deserved it

2724

Favorite

By nothingisreal69 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32215

You deserved it

13296

Favorite

By muscalata

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3391

You deserved it

763

Favorite

By Bulldogs09 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46638

You deserved it

12420

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30433

You deserved it

4837

Favorite

By secret dancer - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25375

You deserved it

11310

Favorite

By highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30958

You deserved it

6938

Favorite

By sucker - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30843

You deserved it

4210

Favorite

By wvugirl - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61681

You deserved it

5434

Favorite

By Professionally Curtious

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5953

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By why god - United States - Huntington Park

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74750

You deserved it

6312

Favorite

By Nofriends - Australia - Melbourne

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19365

You deserved it

25039

Favorite

By Ouchmybum

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2477

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By Courtney - United States

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39811

You deserved it

5090

Favorite

By Entity303 - 14/11/2020 21:32 - India

Damp, dark night

Today, I'm staying in a hotel. The power went out while I was having a shower. So I waited for it to come back on, until an announcement came over the fire alarm, "Due to generating failure, the power will be off for the rest of the night. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, and have a good night." FML

I agree, your life sucks

896

You deserved it

Favorite

By Chels - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67729

You deserved it

5260

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34211

You deserved it

3945

Favorite

By jll14 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42509

You deserved it

2823

Favorite

By anon - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15307

You deserved it

2063

Favorite

By squirty_joe - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68158

You deserved it

20450

Favorite

By damn-it - Australia

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20888

You deserved it

48065

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27463

You deserved it

3166

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37729

You deserved it

7754

Favorite

By INeedMoney - United States

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28606

You deserved it

5003

Favorite

By Abyssal - United States

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45006

You deserved it

11861

Favorite

By bigmozwoman - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was driving students home on my school bus. I looked up in time to see a student wipe what would be one of many boogers across the window. As I'm cleaning the window, I tell her, "This is disgusting." Her reply? "No, it's not. It's PERFECT!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21979

You deserved it

1722

Favorite

By lolatmylovelife - United States - Del Valle

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39856

You deserved it

3143

Favorite

By Adalia - United Kingdom

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14736

You deserved it

39315

Favorite

By FootinMouth - United States - Louisville

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32409

You deserved it

54435

Favorite

By Poor as fuck

With friends like these…

Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

You deserved it

236

Favorite

By nofriends - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. The only issue was the fact I didn't have any friends to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20987

You deserved it

1940

Favorite

By disgusting - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29549

You deserved it

2868

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 17:01

Creepy idea, dude

Today, I finally found a way to lesser the loneliness in my life. During at least one work or school zoom meeting a day, I "pin" a random female attendee's screen. That way, I can pretend we're staring into each others eyes the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

377

You deserved it

1171

Favorite

By nickyniknaim93 - United States

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64560

You deserved it

16906

Favorite

By ocdistheworst - United States - Gardena

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47535

You deserved it

3865

Favorite

By thanks mom

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3241

You deserved it

240

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FrutLoopDingus | 19

#6305717 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

You young whippersnappers shouldn't be that close anyways

By thewcloner | 22

#6305718 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

Maybe they were killer plants?

COMMENTS

By FrutLoopDingus | 19

#6305717 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

You young whippersnappers shouldn't be that close anyways

FrootLoopDingus | 4

#6306294 - Sunday 31 May 2015 7:50

We have an imposter in our mist.

friedpwnadge | 25

#6306559 - Sunday 31 May 2015 16:51

This is a police matter. OP was assaulted and their phone could have gotten wet as well.

FrutLoopDingus | 19

#6306615 - Sunday 31 May 2015 18:19

I was here first I just choose to spell my name this way

By thewcloner | 22

#6305718 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:45

Maybe they were killer plants?

hippodankamus | 22

#6305726 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Yeah, maybe they were deadly piranha plants and she was protecting OP.

thewcloner | 22

#6305737 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:50

Exactly

Zufallian | 34

#6305741 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:51

I think the only deadly thing is the women that sprayed OP.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6305969 - Sunday 31 May 2015 0:27

Triffids?

Allornone | 35

#6306143 - Sunday 31 May 2015 5:04

feed me, Seymour.

By udderbutter | 15

#6305719 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Next time you see her in her front lawn spray her with your hose

tantanpanda | 26

#6305780 - Saturday 30 May 2015 20:25

nah, just start ripping up her plants. you're already wet anyway, might as well.

AnalAssassin1 | 14

#6305837 - Saturday 30 May 2015 21:55

What she did was assault lol. You can't just spray people with water...

whyusofat | 17

#6306082 - Sunday 31 May 2015 3:26

So what your saying is rain is basically illegal then?

logicnazi | 18

#6306287 - Sunday 31 May 2015 7:41

Take it from AnalAssassin. I'm guessing he knows plenty about assault.
Seriously though he's not wrong.

By TheSgLeader | 21

#6305720 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Wow, what a thick-headed neighbor you have. I hope you got to change your clothes right away. FYL

By chronicB | 19

#6305722 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

did you need a watering?

By tormcn | 26

#6305725 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

She might not be able to see you well, and thought you were closer than the side walk.

lolhailsatan | 23

#6305796 - Saturday 30 May 2015 20:40

still no reason to reason to spray your neighbor with a hose lol

RedPillSucks | 31

#6305833 - Saturday 30 May 2015 21:45

she could see well enough to accurately spray him

By albinoturk | 9

#6305727 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:46

Pee on her to show dominance

hasooon | 24

#6305952 - Sunday 31 May 2015 0:15

Tried and did work. Now i have larger territory and a black eye.

By danielhartlesss | 13

#6305733 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:47

So retaliate by ripping up her plants

DFMLharsh | 20

#6305767 - Saturday 30 May 2015 20:05

^ Mojo-jo spotted. You're evil >.

DFMLharsh | 20

#6305778 - Saturday 30 May 2015 20:23

*Mojo-Jojo, I meant!

By xoragebaby | 17

#6305735 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:48

Talk about attachment issues to those plants, crazy neighbor needs a new hobby.

sonasonic | 34

#6306448 - Sunday 31 May 2015 13:59

I hear crazy cat ladies are in season this year.

By jerome74 | 1

#6305738 - Saturday 30 May 2015 19:50

her vision might be going

sonasonic | 34

#6306449 - Sunday 31 May 2015 14:00

So is her sanity.