Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML
Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML
Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML
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Top comments
xblaine 17
What an attention *****.
unjustlychicken 10
is his name dane cook?
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Comments (91)
mazdarx94 6
pro heckler
Symqathy 4
He was just helping. ;)!
brendanloftus 1
This is actually pretty funny..
Lazychild 4
That's not cool. Sorry OP.
jdwmoore 5
sucks, but hilarious
xicul 3
Hahaha
Asstarotte 7
Your brother is a dick
redhotskittle 6
That sucks, your brother sounds like an asshole. Congratulations though, for doing stand up comedy. That takes a lot of effort, I hope you go far. ;) best wishes
TheMystery13 13
That's where you need to be able to improv: "Yes folks, that's my brother, the living condom ad. I'm not saying I don't love him, I'm just saying I hate my dad for not having the decency to just rub one out. They say comics are tortured souls...you know how many times I've walked in on this asshole trying to suck himself off? What do you expect? But it does explain that time at the family picnic when the watermelon had a hole drilled into it. I mean, I'd heard of that kind of thing before, I just figured you made the hole with a spoon, not a pencil! No wonder all of my mom's eyebrow tweezers kept disappearing!" If he doesn't **** off after that...
skiddalz 21
this comment made my life
kelizabethb0704 22
why would you hand out your material man