Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML
Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML
Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xblaine 17
What an attention *****.
unjustlychicken 10
is his name dane cook?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (91)
TogeBara 12
If you were REALLY good, you'd have treated him as no more than a heckler and owned him in front of your entire audience. I love watching hecklers get owned. I think it's the best part of small standup comedy acts.
how_to_implode 17
I imagine as a first-timer OP was pretty nervous, and not really prepared to deal with heckling of that scale.
how_to_implode 17
I once told my family I was just thinking about giving standup a go and they started heckling me. I don't know what it is about family.
SinovaMikas 10
i thought most of standup comedy now was more of funny story telling and not things with punch lines.
buttcramp 21
I would have stopped my act, announced to the staff you'd like this person escorted out, waited for it, then continued.
SkylaChristian 18
That's just low. I think you should keep trying though.
LennyComa 39
You should of resorted to a classic heckler slam line along the line of "Sorry I don't speak ********" or "Sorry I guess i forgot to mention this is a soliloquy, now shut the **** up before I make you cry in front of all these nice people"
graphicstyle7 17
Well, did the jokes work? Next time, don't tell him where you're appearing.
lionhardt13 10
Quick, first thought. Mine was, "What an asshole." Then, "I wish I thought of that."
nicopo_fml 11
It sucks that your own douchebag brother was your first heckler...but come on, your a comedian and he is your brother. With all the dirt you have on him from childhood, you could have ripped him 20 new assholes, taught that ****** a great lesson, and gotten roars of laughter. Life lesson: don't let those ******* hecklers win.
OfficialJSmooth1 6
Buh-dum-tisss..