Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML
Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML
Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML
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Top comments
xblaine 17
What an attention *****.
unjustlychicken 10
is his name dane cook?
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Comments (91)
Ben009 13
That's really uncool
kirrra 11
not cool at all. next time plan a whole show worth of material based around him, leave a separate one laying around of your usual stuff for him to read and once he finishes off your first piece turn it back around on him and give him all the attention he seems to crave so badly!
jo0owe 9
I would have tried to make fun of him without text, you know improvise.
bishh_i_juss 7
Next time, make sure you think of some random joke off of the top of your head. Or make up a joke about him finishing your jokes.
perdix 29
Did that work? You guys could bring back the comedy team act, like Burns & Allen, Martin & Lewis and Abbott and Costello. Who's on first?
Welshite 39
What's on second?
perdix 29
#40, I Don't Know . . . Third Base!
awilliams44 9
I'm sorry not that sounds like the funniest thing ever
Cortier1992 6
asshole type shit.
AliSama 17
I guess Deedee after all the years of breaking his experiments and messing up his laboratory. Your brother, Dexter has lost it? Jerk move still.
sharpshooterben 13
Brother why'd you post this?
G_bear24 9
Wowww thats really low. I wouldn't talk to my brother til he apologized.