Love: Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44229

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

Walk on the wild side

Out of it

Vibe check

By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1857

You deserved it

208

Tweet

Share

By Nochnoii - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31557

You deserved it

13202

Tweet

Share

By Helpful Smile - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41015

You deserved it

5386

Tweet

Share

By Lovergirl - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31569

You deserved it

3897

Tweet

Share

By my face though - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20750

You deserved it

2437

Tweet

Share

By WronglySad619 - United States

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18893

You deserved it

28481

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86072

You deserved it

5354

Tweet

Share

By The Drew - United States

Today, after completely refilling my almost empty gas tank, I witnessed the price flip from $3.69 per gallon to $3.59. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29979

You deserved it

2640

Tweet

Share

By tramp - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42238

You deserved it

19523

Tweet

Share

By ohemgee23 - United States

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26468

You deserved it

20683

Tweet

Share

By Eric - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13271

You deserved it

24516

Tweet

Share

By meteorbabe0101 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

796006

You deserved it

65377

Tweet

Share

By snowinggrey - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27707

You deserved it

11779

Tweet

Share

By GoFigure - Germany - Berlin

Today, my wedding is scheduled for next week. Today is also the day my whole family had an epic falling out, resulting in my mother disowning my brother. Apart from having them taking turns sobbing at me through the phone, they're also not coming to the wedding. I paid the hotel rooms in advance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16537

You deserved it

1314

Tweet

Share

By VoodooPriestess

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1634

You deserved it

139

Tweet

Share

By hahasuckit - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31268

You deserved it

5281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31693

You deserved it

4580

Tweet

Share

By SebastianMiko - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47932

You deserved it

2296

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Hopeless - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46821

You deserved it

4181

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24894

You deserved it

2210

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Thanks for being so compassionate

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

885

You deserved it

58

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56647

You deserved it

4742

Tweet

Share

By gummy bear

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17485

You deserved it

30819

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55658

You deserved it

3760

Tweet

Share

By Liz - France

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27111

You deserved it

7562

Tweet

Share

By Killmenow - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2784

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By pooperscooper - Australia - Hunters Hill

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7148

You deserved it

445

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13367

You deserved it

5433

Tweet

Share

By wooed - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36453

You deserved it

9004

Tweet

Share

By juli - Taiwan

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45147

You deserved it

20910

Tweet

Share

By henry feingold - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38343

You deserved it

12999

Tweet

Share

By Bec99 - 19/4/2020 17:00

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By MsConfusedd - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23697

You deserved it

1925

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44656

You deserved it

3610

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29326

You deserved it

2900

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39319

You deserved it

4641

Tweet

Share

By dpod121 - United States

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24360

You deserved it

9187

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12852

You deserved it

30145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20607

You deserved it

1174

Tweet

Share

By NeverEscaping - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31935

You deserved it

2909

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By CommanderCman1 | 15

#5848908 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:23

Be happy those are the only buns he squeezed.

By awkwardloveannie | 28

#5848942 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:30

you violated? imagine how the buns must feel! and Theyre going home with him

COMMENTS

By CommanderCman1 | 15

#5848908 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:23

Be happy those are the only buns he squeezed.

Reply

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5849015 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:32

hehe... for now.

Reply

andrewturtle | 16

#5849020 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:40

Plot twist: sports_guy3 is the old man.

Reply

smokecloud_ | 37

#5849021 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:41

Seems more like something perdix would do..

Reply

jellybeens_fml | 16

#5849169 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 7:37

We'll imagine how the buns feel.. They have to go home with him.

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#5849185 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 8:21

right!! Come on OP, harmless flirting. If thats the most violated you have ever felt, than you are blessed.

By Bulldozer36 | 21

#5848909 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:23

Sucks to be you but I hope I'm still able to get frisky when I'm old like that guy.

Reply

smokecloud_ | 37

#5849022 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:43

I'm with you. I'm going to be one of those crazy pervy old ladies and blame it on my senility! (spelling? real word?) I can't wait!

Reply

FangirlingAlways | 14

#5849097 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 5:02

When you're old you have all the excuses in the world.

By Federgirl | 19

#5848919 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:25

that guys a creep!

Reply

colton_colton | 49

#5849045 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 4:15

Just a lil' bit!

By xblaine | 17

#5848926 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:26

Pedophile alert.

Reply

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5849012 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:29

Pervert alert.

Reply

DropTheDaggerxx | 31

#5849080 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 4:44

Unless OP is a prepubescent child, no. "Pedophile" isn't synonymous with "creepy old pervert".

By olpally | 32

#5848927 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:27

Call the cops. What a freak!

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5848965 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:43

For what?

Nothing illegal was done, nor was OP actually violated or harassed. You need to calm down.

Reply

JaegerMayCry | 13

#5849144 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 6:29

#5 reminds me of the lady who called 911 because McDonalds ran out of chicken mcnuggets.

Reply

Traitoro | 9

#5849427 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 14:49

Ya 43, this morning someone called the cops because their fire alarm wouldn't stop ringing.

Reply

ivydindy13 | 14

#5850088 - Thursday 6 February 2014 6:07

Well, if there really was a fire then that's a big difference...

By 746278Ab | 14

#5848929 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:27

When your old you can do whatever you want...

Reply

micgelleya | 15

#5849109 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 5:13

*you're

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6274320 - Sunday 26 April 2015 21:19

Exactly the point

By HopelesslyCiara5 | 19

#5848930 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:27

Is your father a baker? Because you've got the hottest buns I've ever seen. :P

By kinky44 | 28

#5848941 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:30

Ja! Buns and ties!

Reply

kinky44 | 28

#5848971 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:47

Waiting to see if anyone remembers this joke from Spongebob. . .

Reply

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5849806 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 22:47

*Still Waiting...* yeh this could take some time ;)

Reply

RobertoZ | 5

#5850116 - Thursday 6 February 2014 7:34

Well at least he didnt steal a balloon.

By awkwardloveannie | 28

#5848942 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:30

you violated? imagine how the buns must feel! and Theyre going home with him

By blancoing | 14

#5848946 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 2:33

maybe he just was imagining they were some other buns... fyl

Reply

jellybeens_fml | 16

#5849164 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 7:29

You don't say??

Reply

HammyBear13 | 8

#5849196 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 8:57

45, you look like a guy who would do this.......o.0......

Reply

jellybeens_fml | 16

#5851825 - Saturday 8 February 2014 8:36

Am I sexy of wats