Animals: Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the... - FML

By roadie42 - 25/05/2015 03:15 - United States - Farmington

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 865

You deserved it 3 087

roadie42 tells us more.

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Monday 25 May 2015 17:49

Hey, OP here! The vet was worried that he might have a concussion, so they gave him shots to prevent/reduce any swelling. I think he also received a sedative for the x-ray. Anyway, he's doing just fine now...back to his normal happy self. And he got some turkey in the end for his trouble :)

Best teeth in the game

Good kid

Weirdo geek freaks out

By Anonymous - 11/05/2013 05:15 - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 227

You deserved it 7 410

By lily - 23/03/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 431

You deserved it 134 166

By sammy77sam - 15/07/2013 13:41 - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 602

You deserved it 4 935

By Anonymous - 02/10/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 744

You deserved it 73 214

Hidden talent

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 14:01

Today, my son brought home his Muslim girlfriend and I had to watch my husband almost physically restraining himself from making a racist comment, especially since she was wearing a headscarf. No, I was not aware he was this much of a racist when I married him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 250

By Idek - 30/01/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 975

You deserved it 3 094

Skipped town

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to my girlfriend's apartment, but it was empty. I went to her parents' house, it was empty as well. She isn’t responding to my messages, so I guess I got ghosted in real life and online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 97

By good job bf - 11/01/2013 04:06 - United States - Southampton

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 103

You deserved it 2 872

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 271

By wreckdit - 12/10/2016 23:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 632

You deserved it 706

Looking good

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 23:01

Today, I was at a grocery store buying ice cream after the tragedy of losing my grandma. When I got to the cash register, the cashier saw the sadness in my eyes and said, "It's OK, you'll find the one someday, one that can look at your inner beauty and not care about the rest." He thought I'd got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 130

Run for the hills!

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me the details for al-Qaeda's plan during 9/11 for an essay. I had no idea and she said she just expected me to know, since I'm "one of those people." I'm Iranian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 224

By killmenow - 03/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 191

You deserved it 2 613

By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 798

You deserved it 1 908

By Pokerking98 - 16/05/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while biking, I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 251

You deserved it 56 618

By Arniii - 01/02/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, it was our class field trip. I got five dollars from ten different people because they wanted me to sit away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 4 990

By some people... - 19/09/2013 05:35 - United States

Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 769

You deserved it 3 518

By Omydayz - 29/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Fremont

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 550

You deserved it 1 901

By yamblam5 - 29/05/2016 03:32 - United States - Monroe

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 745

You deserved it 1 488

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 02:00

Today, I tracked down my birth dad. He lives in a massive house, with a wife and two kids, 3 cars and a fucking sailboat on the drive. My mom and I grew up in poverty, but I was calm when I confronted him. He had his gardeners throw me into the street like I was inconvenient trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 207

By Ghost - 14/12/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 378

You deserved it 2 760

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 340

You deserved it 5 272

By TrashGirl - 24/06/2018 01:30

Today, for our 8th wedding anniversary I gave my husband several well-thought-out gifts. He gave me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 887

You deserved it 368

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 15:16 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 857

You deserved it 3 188

By Stinkbomber - 24/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 832

You deserved it 455

By pampa31 - 14/12/2015 17:21 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 1 684

By News-print Face Kate - 18/07/2012 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 1 858

By Anonymous - 02/07/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 955

You deserved it 9 174

By Annoyed student - 29/04/2017 04:00

Today, after extensively researching how to properly use in text citations out of fear of my professor reporting me for citing my quotes incorrectly. She reported me instead for forgetting quotation marks on three of my proudly and properly cited quotes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 741

You deserved it 1 515

By jake - 12/08/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 697

You deserved it 40 602

By geedeewhy - 01/01/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 744

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 04:00

Today, my mom came in to hug me while I was sleeping, or so I thought. I woke up and tried to hug her back, only to find she had wrapped a tape measure around me. She was trying to measure my bust size to win a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 365

By never again - 30/08/2012 01:03 - Canada - Carstairs

Today, I babysat for a woman for the first time. When I arrived, there was a large pile of dishes in the sink. I decided to wash the dishes for her while the kids napped. She came home, noticed it, and bitched me out over how I'd only done it "to try and get more money" out of her. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 2 085

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 05:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Spicy

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 562

You deserved it 44 866

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 14:26 - France

Spicy

Today, I learned that "Je suis excité" does not mean "I'm excited" in French. It means "I'm sexually excited"... more or less. I've been doing a lot of exciting things and using it a lot the past two weeks. With my French friends, people I meet, and especially with my host family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 735

You deserved it 14 317

By Dejected - 07/12/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 112

You deserved it 4 700

By Username - 26/09/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 728

You deserved it 2 366

Pica?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 17:59

Today, my mom ate some flowers without knowing if they were safe. Turns out they are slightly poisonous and she had an upset stomach, but she will be fine. Her excuse? "I didn't know it had poison." I had to explain that's exactly why you don't eat plants you don't know are poisonous or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 13/07/2012 23:14 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 878

You deserved it 7 837

Hello, goodbye

By Joey - 07/05/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 017

You deserved it 5 227

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:09

Why would a dog need shots for this?

SubparAtBest 23

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:11

Congrats... my dog wont even come and see me if I have bacon in hand.

Comments

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:03

Sounds like something i would do lol

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:16

It's not really that funny when you're lying in a hospital bed with a bunch of bills to pay..

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:31

I....wouldnt actually...never mind.

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:38

But..Turkey is amazing. .

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:42

Lighten up, 12.

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:51

Sorry, I don't know why I said that..

Smooth_Criminal 24

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 0:56

You were possessed.

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Thursday 28 May 2015 4:47

Surprised it wasn't beggin strips lmfao Sorry OP vet bills are just as crazy priced as hospital

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:05

But did he get some turkey?

MrSassypants 32

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:07

I know I'm a bad person for thinking this, but when I read "I had to race him to the vet" I though of OP saying "On your mark, get set, go!" And then literally racing his dog, while the dog is just laying there unconscious.

ironmany_fml 23

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:46

your comment is bad and you should feel bad

MrSassypants 32

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Monday 25 May 2015 17:25

I even said at the beginning of the comment that it was bad.

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Monday 25 May 2015 17:45

Alright I'm not going to lie, after reading that I chuckled a bit. Still pretty terrible that you thought that though

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Monday 25 May 2015 21:21

I'm laughing really hard omg that's horrible

messymessiah 11

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Monday 25 May 2015 23:31

I don't understand why this got this many negative votes. Who doesn't like a bad joke?

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 0:18

May have laughed a little at this... ?

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Thursday 28 May 2015 4:50

You laughed or you didn't Missy! (Irish accent)

boxergirl1054 16

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Thursday 28 May 2015 4:53

Me too it was funny

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:07

Anything for the turkey!

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Thursday 28 May 2015 4:53

But why not HAM!!! Ham, ham anyone? just ah sput of ham?

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:08

I would do the same if its for turkey. Sorry about the dog OP. Hope he will get well soon

tehaustiebear 34

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:09

This reminds me of watching my dog try to run on wooden floors. Everything would go well until she tried to turn and ending up sliding into the walls.

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:09

Why would a dog need shots for this?

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:13

Assuming he regained consciousness at some point before the X-rays, he may have needed to be sedated for them.

jasonswife423 18

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:31

If he didn't have proof that his dog was up to date on his rabies shot they'd have to give the dog another rabies shot before they could treat him. Happened to me with a dog I was given.

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Monday 25 May 2015 17:49

Hey, OP here! The vet was worried that he might have a concussion, so they gave him shots to prevent/reduce any swelling. I think he also received a sedative for the x-ray. Anyway, he's doing just fine now...back to his normal happy self. And he got some turkey in the end for his trouble :)

MzZombicidal 36

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Monday 25 May 2015 18:05

I'm so happy he got the turkey. Lol. Glad he's better, OP! The bills suck but I'm sure it was worth it to know your baby's okay. :)

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Monday 25 May 2015 18:46

Glad to here he's OK op, some people might not have been so nice to him

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Monday 25 May 2015 18:53

Glad he's okay, OP!

TCRII 29

Monday 25 May 2015 20:38

I'm glad he is ok. You can re-train him to be calm when he smells something good in the kitchen. When he comes in, have a treat ready. Hold it next to your eye so he is looking at you, tell him to sit or lay down (or any other command). When he is calm, give him the treat or put it in his dish (my preference, but not necessary).

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Monday 25 May 2015 21:05

What kind of dog do you have?

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Monday 25 May 2015 21:30

I highly suggest to pet health insurance. I use Healthy Paws and I love them. I just got x-Rays on my Malamute not too long ago and it was pretty much free. The peace of mind is amazing and the monthly payments are pretty affordable.

militarybrat 21

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 7:35

Op my puppy died from boxer syndrome. He went blind in his old age and kept running in to things. Just keep an eye on the poor dog ok?

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:24

get pet insurance. Healthy paws is an awesome company.

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 23:50

That was the plan all along...

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Tuesday 15 September 2015 21:32

So...your dog is a pug now

SubparAtBest 23

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:11

Congrats... my dog wont even come and see me if I have bacon in hand.

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:14

But Turkey is sooo good! Just be thankful he's ok though. Good pet parent

gintwinsmoore 20

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Monday 25 May 2015 16:14

it's all about dat turkey bout dat turkey, no chicken LOL!

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Monday 25 May 2015 18:52

No.

RealSuperSand 21

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Monday 25 May 2015 19:20

#11 You are the reason why we can't have nice things. That was bad and you should feel bad.

Kikiers21042 18

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Monday 1 June 2015 10:07

Awe I found this funny! XD

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 72

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 136