Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
ohSNAPyall 27
You haven't seen him in a month? He's not your boyfriend.
DirkTheDiggler 13
Whoa, I forgot that was today. I just have to pick up some A1 sauce and I'll be right over.
kinky44 28
It's also "Find a new boyfriend" day.
jadedragon 5
Steak and ******* day was almost a month ago...
amifaiyaz 12
at least he has his priorities in order, steak is awesome.
tj4234 36
'Today, my boyfriend who I haven't heard from in a whole month' hmmm... Pretty sure 'boyfriend' is the wrong word to use there...
aliciaanomalyyxo 12
You havt heard from him in a month?! Why do you still call him your boyfriend...
jopo_fml 1
Where is the "He Deserves It" button...
raesos91 26
he deserves what? a bj and steak?
Amathiel 17
Steak and ******* day? Yes, yes it is. My man has already been given a tenderloin steak, and the night is far from over!
Mauskau 36
He's still your boyfriend after not hearing from him at all in a month? I understand if he was on a month long holiday to somewhere with no electricity, which I doubt from the way he's acted so far, but he hasn't even called you or text you? I ended my last relationship because of that and I'm glad I did, time you did too, op.