Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
scott82 5
I see the trailer park ground rules haven't changed much, hope you swallowed
WickedWolf 11
What a coincidence! It's also "I have a baseball bat" day!
adamlawl 6
Shouldn't be considered a boyfriend at that point.
McKeNzIeWiGhT 2
hahaha humor hotlines XD
L02_fml 5
Did you say boyfriend? Seriously??! Let it go hun... let it go...
Cut3yPi3 7
Steak? or Tubesteak? and bj day. lol
eej2381 8
My boyfriends favorite day of the year !
baref00tmama 15
A person you haven't seen in a month isn't a significant other unless one of you is in the armed forces. Please correct this FML by changing "boyfriend" to something more fitting, like "douchenozzle".
Rababco 29
@155 There are other situations too, basically anything that involves a long-distance relationship is understandable. However, especially with technology there should be ways to communicate like texting, phone calls, e-mails or even written letters. They both should also know what's going on and where the other person is. The problem is that OP had no idea where her "boyfriend" was and it doesn't sound like he communicated with OP at all.
queentinaaa 8
Dump that mother ******!
ThatChickMelly 1
OP - This guy is NOT your boyfriend. A BOYFRIEND would WANT to spend time with you. Move on, you deserve better.