Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
challan 19
It's world Pie day (pi 3.14) so if he asked for a bit of your pie, you would have been obligated. That's how it works, right?! Since he asked for steak and a BJ you are in the clear.
lysx84 24
It's American pie day 14/03 to everyone else...
Pleonasm 36
Funny how it's world pie day and yet most people don't use m/d/y
Stealthed 8
We've all seen the triangle on the interwebs. m/d/y is just backwards.
challan 19
It's world pie day because there is no fourteenth month. Thought that was obvious. There are math geeks like myself all over the world and we like pi and pie.
caysters 12
Fine. If you're gonna hate on pi day, then you don't get pi! I'll enjoy my pie all on my own.
bfsd42 20
It's not that obvious. The US is the only country as far as I know to use m/d/y, so there is no real reason for the rest of the world to see the correlation unless they are used to the American way of doing things.
klorehore 24
I for one wouldn't consider him my boyfriend if I didn't hear from him in a month. Even if you are in a distance relationship and don't have the chance to see eachother whenever you want, you should atleast have a brief conversation a day?
imagineapc 11
Why is he your boyfriend if you haven't heard from him in a month?
klorehore 24
Are you sure he knows he is your boyfriend? A month is quite long...
daminantion 14
So is the steak, if you know what I mean..
rawpace 5
Well is the steak ready yet or what??
lmaouloser 5
Thank you. Nobody said it.
LaLince 40
Dump him
curlstar 6
What an arrogant prick. I hope you slammed the door in his face!
laurenclarkson95 2
bin him off he sounds like a bit of a dick to me!!!
possy 19
That sounds wonderful. We should make this day a national holiday. Steak and blow jobs for everyone!! Mark this day on your calendar. PS.. Time to up grade to a newer model there hun.
SeepingSarcasm 7
What do you mean ''apparantly'' OP?! Today IS steak and ******** day!! You're just being as much of a spoilsport as the waitress who brought me my steak earlier today! She didn't appreciate it either when I wipped it out and demanded a ******** before paying the bill!