Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
j_cat187 20
It's pi day pi day lets get high on pi day.
TisAPenguin 16
A month? Honey, he's not your boyfriend. You're a booty call.
zilla52 12
why would you say boyfriend and not ex after. a month sounds to he looked else where and found out what he was missing. out on
incendiaaa 23
you deserve it in the way that after 2 weeks of unreturned calls you should have made it clear that you were no longer an item...
DanielT1994 19
His delivery wasn't well done. That really sucks for you, OP. Hopefully, being the saucy gal I'm sure you are, you threw him out. His impeccable timing must have really blown your mind.
agentx52 13
If you haven't heard from him in a month, get a new bf.
Cardhu 2
If you only had a strap-on and a cowboy hat, OP... "Why, yes it is! now, go down there cowboy, momma missed you!" ;) GL with your next one.
DanielT1994 19
Did your boyfriend also by any chance happen to turn up with a bag and a few toothpicks?
noelasis94 18
A month seems like a while to be with someone, and not see them are you sure you aren't friends with benefits? It does fit the description better.
magicdrummer47 11
Don't stay with him.