Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
Babydoll1619 9
You must live in Edmonton!
chosha_fml 27
If he got either a steak or a ******** from you, YDI.
cH1N1chunga 5
Well it is It's called an Emperors Dinner
ctlnaaia71 8
i hope you told him he was wrong, and that actually today is go **** yourself day.
GetSomeM0 24
most likely of you haven't heard from him in a month he isn't your boyfriend.. sorry
EvilLittleMan 23
Today being 3 14 is also Pi day so does this loser get a Three for One? What this girl needs to do is purchase a plastic, squeaky steak dog toy from the pet shop, a bag of weenie shaped balloons and grab a job application from Wienerschnitzel and place all said items into a nice plain paper sack with a note that instructs numb nuts to figure it out.
xgetxbentx 13
Ydi for still considering someone who doesn't talk to you for a month your boyfriend.... That's really only acceptable in a couple scenarios, like if he's in the military, or a coma.
0utland 18
Sounds like something my ex would do. One of the top 5 reasons he's my ex.
brad42013 3
It is actually a holiday lol it's the guys valentines day. We deserve a day too damnit
looney_mc 4
What's the problem with that?