Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
ReverendWhiley 1
Yeah, show up at the girl's house that you haven't talked to in a month under the pretense of a stupid holiday. So HAWT, that'll get her motor going. (it's stupid because besides the cute thought of there being a "Steak And *******" day (so MANLY!), it's the people who take it seriously that make it stupid) (PS: Real men don't need a holiday to get a ******** or eat steak)
L02_fml 5
Love that! Hi 5 and too true!!! A real man is what you need honey, not some fool that pops in and out of your life when he pleases...
madgrinchhatter 12
March 14th. One month after valentines day. Look it up. :)
akiahara 14
He's not really your boyfriend, sweetie... unless he's deployed or on a month long family vacation, there's no reason to be absent for so long.
mattuti 8
Steak & ******* day, it's a thing!
lauren111389 1
You can thank 93.3 WMMR'S Preston & Steve for that holiday. Hahahaha =D
aligater10 7
Your better than that...
j3ebrules 13
Let me tell you how before that point he would not have been my boyfriend anymore.
Shorty777 4
He's not your boyfriend if he stayed away that long. He spent that time with someone else.
Inediblepeaches 15
Actually, Steak and ******* day is an actual thing.
tamjay 2
No offence but who stays with someone if you haven't heard from them in a month. Obviously a waste of time!