Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
joethebiden 8
Hey, I like the idea. Way to think outside the box. It ought to be a national holiday or something. Maybe if someone starts a petition on that White House We The People site thingy, or enough people write to their congressman or something, we can get S&BJ day officially recognized and printed on calendars someday.
onorexveritas 24
by your name, I am guessing you made the right decision and kicked his ass
Obey_StudBoii 23
Tell him it's time for you to break up with him. He sound's worthless and pathetic.
peachykeenLNG 13
You're seriously waiting around for a guy who talks to you once a month and you call that a "boyfriend"?
thapora 8
Soooo u dumped him right?!
misspennycakes 7
If you haven't heard from your boyfriend in a month I'm pretty sure he's not your biufriend
eaglerob 20
He has 29 other girls that he uses that same line on every month.
vacompton 3
Can't really understand how he can be your boyfriend if you haven't spoken in a month. Sounds more like a booty call & he wants you to cook him a steak dinner. So, if you did what he wanted then your boyfriend picker is broken.
Kelishas 9
I feel like this FML should have started with the line "Today, my now ex-boyfriend.."
Lilo4life 26
Now the real question is... We're you pathetic enough to give it to him?