Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
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Top comments
your_ma 27
Eh how is he still your boyfriend anyway when you haven't seen or heard from him in a month?!
TeamKelly 10
Time for a new boyfriend...
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Comments (161)
GuinnessGirrrl 8
Tell him it's "Slam the Door on your Ex-Boyfriend Day"
phamous 1
Did you let him know,that you were fresh out of steaks?
Faff 20
*********
AngryToaster 3
you should have told him "how aout no?"
pcgeek92 5
A month ago was Valentine's Day. I figure its a YDI if you continue to call this clod your "boyfriend". Have him put a raw steak on it and send him on his way.
thew_fml 14
when i first told my gf about steak and bj day a couple years ago her response was "what kind of steak do you want for that?" she's a keeper
DirkDigglerlol 0
YES! it is in fact "steak and ******* day! "
RtardSupport 2
Oh crap.. I hope last night didn't count towards the ******** part today...
anyoldnamewilldo 23
depends....was it after midnight?
dr_snow_bear 29
Bite his **** off and grill it?
Ziggy122 15
Hand him a raw steak and tell him it's "Go Blow Yourself" day.
Faff 20
you should've told him to find a dick to suck on then.