Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to...

By Anonymous - 4/5/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

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Intimacy

Deep-seated resentment

Lockdown is driving us down

Bad guy (duh)

By anonymous - 7/8/2012 03:08 - Australia

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

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By JavitheWrestler - 13/2/2016 23:06 - United States - Stockton

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2014 04:38 - France

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

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By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

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By justgreatgirl - 11/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

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By lily - 25/6/2020 05:04

Overbearing much?!

Today, while on a road trip, we stopped and went to the bathroom. I didn’t need to go, but my parents told me to "try anyway." I’m 24. FML

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By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - 21/2/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

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By idislikeblanks - 30/1/2013 07:03 - United States - Lathrop

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

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By guh - 31/8/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

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By cardsftw - 16/8/2012 19:50 - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

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By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 23:01

Sounds reasonable

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

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By Sophie - 27/12/2011 04:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

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By Marfo101 - 16/1/2015 15:41 - Ghana - Accra

Today, a pretty girl joined the line at the bus station. I let her skip the line and go before me so I could sit next to her. After she bought her ticket, I realized there were no more seats left on that bus. I was told to get off, and had to take the next bus, sitting next to a snoring old man. FML

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By nametag - 9/6/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

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By Nick - 5/4/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend of almost 5 years (who broke up with me only a week or so ago) told me that she's been speaking to one of my best friends and sees a future with him instead of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 16:59 - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

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By anon - 9/11/2016 20:54 - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

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By princess - 17/3/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2014 20:57 - India - Kundan

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

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By Badatlife - 23/6/2014 16:19 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

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By rawkdinosawr - 9/5/2009 15:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

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By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/2/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

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By svenska75 - 3/9/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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By Yippie - 2/5/2017 22:00 - Spain - Alcal? De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

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By Canali18 - 17/9/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2016 04:48 - United States - Rocky Mount

Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML

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By Vee - 24/9/2017 07:00 - United States

Beast Mode

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

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By Nikki - 5/4/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

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By mommiedearest - 24/12/2015 16:06 - United States - Columbia

Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML

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By Grimmy - 17/3/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

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By lifesuck - 19/9/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

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By egged - 1/10/2009 06:43 - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

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By neryc - 4/7/2014 19:41 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

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By Kiss-a-thon - 27/7/2016 10:01 - Germany

Today, I finally got together with this great guy I've had a crush on for a while. He told me before that he is quite inexperienced, which usually doesn't bother me at all. Turns out "inexperienced" translates to "I will include your nose and chin in our kissing" in this case. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

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Top comments

By OffToTheGayBar | 9

#4391886 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:11

BF: Oh, hold your orgasm a second, babe.
OP: Why?
BF: *Texts* I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

By KaySL | 24

#4391995 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:30

*grammar

Same to you, you moronic cunt.

COMMENTS

By christ101 | 2

#4391861 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

It is ediquette

The_Hitdude | 12

#4391924 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

*etiquette

Yerg | 0

#4391979 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Dont be a grammer nazi if you dont know how to spell it either. It just makes you look dumb.

KaySL | 24

#4391995 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:30

*grammar

Same to you, you moronic cunt.

GoW_Chick | 14

#4392007 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:34

Oh thank you! This thread was great I love stupid people. :D

hutch66 | 13

#4392178 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:16

18- You know what else makes you look dumb? Being a hypocritical idiot

phantumgrey | 6

#4392296 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:05

People who take their own picture in mirrors are complete morons too!

GoW_Chick | 14

#4392317 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:17

Ah yes but we are sexy morons ;)

tothenifty | 1

#4392339 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:27

u have a Barbie pic for ur profile...

cayytee | 0

#4392443 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

yes but that picture is funny.

thatoneguy79 | 10

#4392554 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:20

Edickette is he proper spelling for this situation.

ohmandapants | 16

#4393013 - Saturday 5 May 2012 6:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

penguin_princess | 0

#4393220 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:37

Fail. 1 and 18 fail at spelling..

XxchristinasmhxX | 0

#4395595 - Sunday 6 May 2012 0:55

I know this is random but I absolutely love blood on the dance floor to!

amy1_1bee | 0

#4396580 - Sunday 6 May 2012 7:34

Fuckin PWND.

scarletstudies | 0

#4400063 - Monday 7 May 2012 4:17

111- *too

By twinny_sc | 13

#4391873 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

What an idiot.

Il_Maestro | 6

#4392399 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:06

Exactly, such an idiot. Have some respect and stop bothering him with trivial things such as sex when he's in the middle of a text!

spazz666 | 18

#4393853 - Saturday 5 May 2012 15:10

#2- I read this in Hermione Granger's voice.

thiscrazything | 1

#4394916 - Saturday 5 May 2012 19:52

He gives new meaning to the word dick.

By ilulife | 4

#4391876 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

Then I hope you got him the hell out of ya

kcutie | 0

#4393211 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:34

FML? More like F me and the put the phone down ahole!

By doctorhook86 | 24

#4391878 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

Texting during sex is never classy, folks.

Nutty4Muffs | 3

#4391897 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

Don't text during sex; save lives.

jackassiddy | 8

#4392014 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:36

No kidding.. someone could get rear ended that way. *serious face*

titzenpitzer | 9

#4392030 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:41

You really had to say it, didn't you?

itwasallyellow | 0

#4392779 - Saturday 5 May 2012 5:45

How about sexting during.. Tex? Eh, I tried.

cudi504 | 4

#4393053 - Saturday 5 May 2012 6:38

And you failed.

doctorhook86 | 24

#4393401 - Saturday 5 May 2012 9:44

76 - No matter what the fat white kid says, I still found that funny.

By yadisingh | 5

#4391882 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

It's also good etiquette to dump his ass, show him that.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4392593 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:46

Lmao @ your pic. Stupid Yahoo questions amuse me.

make_me_smile | 4

#4393972 - Saturday 5 May 2012 16:04

Why would u dump someone beacuse they texted during sex? That's not a big enough reason

False_Stupidity | 41

#4395850 - Sunday 6 May 2012 1:38

Because he was texting his EX while having sex... That's just wrong on all levels.

By OffToTheGayBar | 9

#4391886 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:11

BF: Oh, hold your orgasm a second, babe.
OP: Why?
BF: *Texts* I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

a88g | 0

#4392162 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:15

Lmao

ChaoticDreamer21 | 12

#5817434 - Sunday 5 January 2014 9:53

Thank you for the laugh.

By ebonyirony | 29

#4391891 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Perform better? So he won't think of his phone?

ilulife | 4

#4391914 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:15

A good partner wouldn't started texting no matter how good the performance was

doctorhook86 | 24

#4391982 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Be a respectful audience; don't text during a movie, don't text during a concert, and don't text during sex.

pagullarka | 9

#4392043 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:46

Maybe you can give us some pointers

ebonyirony | 29

#4392086 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:56

27- me? I charge extra for groups

iliketurdles | 7

#4392558 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:27

29, What can you do for..

*takes objects out of pocket*

£2.40, half pack of gum and an elastic band?

p3mguin | 7

#4392583 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:41

And I'll throw in a penguin, for free, if I'm in too. Bitches love penguins

ChrisG93 | 8

#4393144 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:13

Hold on let me see what I've got... I'll throw in $2.35, a coupon for some frosted flakes, and a receipt.

Cydadel | 0

#4393509 - Saturday 5 May 2012 12:15

I have only me :( but I think if I do some digging I got like 9 packs of gum.

sm0kinBCBudz | 0

#4393669 - Saturday 5 May 2012 13:29

I got 25$ and a coffe crisp.

p3mguin | 7

#4393965 - Saturday 5 May 2012 15:59

No, to many people. Ditch all of them and a foursome with me, you, and two of my best mating penguins. You know you want to.

ebonyirony | 29

#4402170 - Monday 7 May 2012 14:20

Sold to the penguins

By bebefer | 8

#4391898 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

... How did you confront him? Just curious.

girlwithmoodeyes | 0

#4392069 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:51

she uploaded the FML during oral. duh.

bebohacker1 | 4

#4392301 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:06

/ nice lol.
Either that or she checked into facebook...

By rubberduckie94 | 13

#4391899 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

She must have not taken the tracking device out of his dick and knew he was up to something.

By btstig | 11

#4391909 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Should have tried to work up a three way. You only needed one more.