Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to...

By Anonymous - 4/5/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34917

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

Intimacy

DINOSAURS!!

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Vultures

By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 14:46 - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61284

You deserved it

3566

Favorite

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8709

You deserved it

596

Favorite

By ShutUp007 - 22/11/2014 02:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30983

You deserved it

2410

Favorite

By fmlguy - 10/12/2010 03:19

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9223

You deserved it

86035

Favorite

By Extravirgin - 16/12/2014 12:01 - Germany - Munich

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41531

You deserved it

8218

Favorite

By Sucker - 12/10/2009 19:31 - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34428

You deserved it

3561

Favorite

By annony-moose - 6/2/2010 18:48 - France

Today, I was feeling hungry, so I went to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. I found hundreds of weevils festering in my Lucky Charms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26766

You deserved it

4258

Favorite

By CaoiiBieber - 17/7/2011 19:15 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20156

You deserved it

38717

Favorite

By OopsKid - 30/5/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38194

You deserved it

16486

Favorite

By j - 1/3/2011 06:26

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32464

You deserved it

4523

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/5/2013 07:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70519

You deserved it

15733

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 04:23 - United States - Boaz

Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29693

You deserved it

3654

Favorite

By Ouch - 22/5/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45311

You deserved it

13200

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/10/2014 19:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28341

You deserved it

41159

Favorite

By ugh - 19/1/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30281

You deserved it

9457

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 01:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42897

You deserved it

4394

Favorite

By JCC - 18/5/2011 10:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35344

You deserved it

13010

Favorite

By blotchy-girl - 15/7/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41935

You deserved it

6695

Favorite

By CrazyInLove - 10/3/2015 06:02 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30251

You deserved it

7284

Favorite

By byegeorge - 17/8/2012 11:26 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29728

You deserved it

1969

Favorite

By yeahno - 12/9/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33432

You deserved it

2439

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26317

You deserved it

9767

Favorite

By mcfatty - 14/8/2016 04:21 - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14348

You deserved it

1499

Favorite

By Juiced - 26/9/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29327

You deserved it

3316

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2019 22:01 - United States

Planned Parenthood

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1635

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By samadams42 - 13/5/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39030

You deserved it

3046

Favorite

By niki - 10/1/2013 02:37 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19210

You deserved it

34197

Favorite

By sofargone420 - 29/7/2011 14:27 - United States

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29517

You deserved it

10483

Favorite

By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45475

You deserved it

4708

Favorite

By FuckYouMotherNature - 7/8/2013 06:51 - United States - Merced

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45207

You deserved it

17598

Favorite

By Byepax - 6/3/2015 14:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18037

You deserved it

45412

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/3/2020 15:00

Clean me, humanoid

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1322

You deserved it

219

Favorite

By howtobesingle - 7/4/2016 02:45 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19180

You deserved it

1971

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34790

You deserved it

44688

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29094

You deserved it

3558

Favorite

By ishouldntdrink - 10/1/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7880

You deserved it

39054

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57798

You deserved it

2950

Favorite

By MahSquito - 6/2/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25409

You deserved it

6345

Favorite

By phreshrice - 7/4/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64816

You deserved it

22472

Favorite

By Kassiopia - 14/11/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37245

You deserved it

3534

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By OffToTheGayBar | 9

#4391886 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:11

BF: Oh, hold your orgasm a second, babe.
OP: Why?
BF: *Texts* I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

By KaySL | 24

#4391995 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:30

*grammar

Same to you, you moronic cunt.

Comments

By christ101 | 2

#4391861 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

It is ediquette

The_Hitdude | 12

#4391924 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

*etiquette

Yerg | 0

#4391979 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Dont be a grammer nazi if you dont know how to spell it either. It just makes you look dumb.

KaySL | 24

#4391995 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:30

*grammar

Same to you, you moronic cunt.

GoW_Chick | 14

#4392007 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:34

Oh thank you! This thread was great I love stupid people. :D

hutch66 | 13

#4392178 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:16

18- You know what else makes you look dumb? Being a hypocritical idiot

phantumgrey | 6

#4392296 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:05

People who take their own picture in mirrors are complete morons too!

GoW_Chick | 14

#4392317 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:17

Ah yes but we are sexy morons ;)

tothenifty | 1

#4392339 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:27

u have a Barbie pic for ur profile...

cayytee | 0

#4392443 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

yes but that picture is funny.

thatoneguy79 | 10

#4392554 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:20

Edickette is he proper spelling for this situation.

ohmandapants | 16

#4393013 - Saturday 5 May 2012 6:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

penguin_princess | 0

#4393220 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:37

Fail. 1 and 18 fail at spelling..

XxchristinasmhxX | 0

#4395595 - Sunday 6 May 2012 0:55

I know this is random but I absolutely love blood on the dance floor to!

amy1_1bee | 0

#4396580 - Sunday 6 May 2012 7:34

Fuckin PWND.

scarletstudies | 0

#4400063 - Monday 7 May 2012 4:17

111- *too

By twinny_sc | 13

#4391873 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

What an idiot.

Il_Maestro | 6

#4392399 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:06

Exactly, such an idiot. Have some respect and stop bothering him with trivial things such as sex when he's in the middle of a text!

spazz666 | 18

#4393853 - Saturday 5 May 2012 15:10

#2- I read this in Hermione Granger's voice.

thiscrazything | 1

#4394916 - Saturday 5 May 2012 19:52

He gives new meaning to the word dick.

By ilulife | 4

#4391876 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

Then I hope you got him the hell out of ya

kcutie | 0

#4393211 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:34

FML? More like F me and the put the phone down ahole!

By doctorhook86 | 24

#4391878 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

Texting during sex is never classy, folks.

Nutty4Muffs | 3

#4391897 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

Don't text during sex; save lives.

jackassiddy | 8

#4392014 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:36

No kidding.. someone could get rear ended that way. *serious face*

titzenpitzer | 9

#4392030 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:41

You really had to say it, didn't you?

itwasallyellow | 0

#4392779 - Saturday 5 May 2012 5:45

How about sexting during.. Tex? Eh, I tried.

cudi504 | 4

#4393053 - Saturday 5 May 2012 6:38

And you failed.

doctorhook86 | 24

#4393401 - Saturday 5 May 2012 9:44

76 - No matter what the fat white kid says, I still found that funny.

By yadisingh | 5

#4391882 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

It's also good etiquette to dump his ass, show him that.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4392593 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:46

Lmao @ your pic. Stupid Yahoo questions amuse me.

make_me_smile | 4

#4393972 - Saturday 5 May 2012 16:04

Why would u dump someone beacuse they texted during sex? That's not a big enough reason

False_Stupidity | 41

#4395850 - Sunday 6 May 2012 1:38

Because he was texting his EX while having sex... That's just wrong on all levels.

By OffToTheGayBar | 9

#4391886 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:11

BF: Oh, hold your orgasm a second, babe.
OP: Why?
BF: *Texts* I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

a88g | 0

#4392162 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:15

Lmao

ChaoticDreamer21 | 12

#5817434 - Sunday 5 January 2014 9:53

Thank you for the laugh.

By ebonyirony | 29

#4391891 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Perform better? So he won't think of his phone?

ilulife | 4

#4391914 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:15

A good partner wouldn't started texting no matter how good the performance was

doctorhook86 | 24

#4391982 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Be a respectful audience; don't text during a movie, don't text during a concert, and don't text during sex.

pagullarka | 9

#4392043 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:46

Maybe you can give us some pointers

ebonyirony | 29

#4392086 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:56

27- me? I charge extra for groups

iliketurdles | 7

#4392558 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:27

29, What can you do for..

*takes objects out of pocket*

£2.40, half pack of gum and an elastic band?

p3mguin | 7

#4392583 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:41

And I'll throw in a penguin, for free, if I'm in too. Bitches love penguins

ChrisG93 | 8

#4393144 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:13

Hold on let me see what I've got... I'll throw in $2.35, a coupon for some frosted flakes, and a receipt.

Cydadel | 0

#4393509 - Saturday 5 May 2012 12:15

I have only me :( but I think if I do some digging I got like 9 packs of gum.

sm0kinBCBudz | 0

#4393669 - Saturday 5 May 2012 13:29

I got 25$ and a coffe crisp.

p3mguin | 7

#4393965 - Saturday 5 May 2012 15:59

No, to many people. Ditch all of them and a foursome with me, you, and two of my best mating penguins. You know you want to.

ebonyirony | 29

#4402170 - Monday 7 May 2012 14:20

Sold to the penguins

By bebefer | 8

#4391898 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

... How did you confront him? Just curious.

girlwithmoodeyes | 0

#4392069 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:51

she uploaded the FML during oral. duh.

bebohacker1 | 4

#4392301 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:06

/ nice lol.
Either that or she checked into facebook...

By rubberduckie94 | 13

#4391899 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

She must have not taken the tracking device out of his dick and knew he was up to something.

By btstig | 11

#4391909 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Should have tried to work up a three way. You only needed one more.