Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to...

By Anonymous - 04/05/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 016

You deserved it 3 553

Intimacy

Risky business

You BARBARIAN!

Holiday assumptions

By Weirdo - 06/12/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 872

You deserved it 4 793

By ClairvoyantVamp - 06/07/2016 23:09 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 739

You deserved it 1 010

By keeperstride - 03/09/2009 19:55 - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 584

You deserved it 71 097

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 699

You deserved it 1 349

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 04:01

Today, I finished my first shift at my new summer job. I've only been working there for 6 hours and they already call me, "The blonde one". I made straight A's in my last semester of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 315

By davka - 18/04/2011 15:09

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 197

You deserved it 4 816

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 261

You deserved it 6 822

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 06:24 - France

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 7 670

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 038

You deserved it 2 740

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 851

You deserved it 48 248

By krfenton8 - 11/01/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 515

You deserved it 4 068

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 507

You deserved it 3 851

By SlapAndTickle - 11/10/2013 03:04 - United States

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 551

You deserved it 5 138

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 891

You deserved it 1 417

By foxytheologian - 15/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 345

You deserved it 290

By nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 388

You deserved it 3 601

By AprilFlowers - 01/12/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 081

You deserved it 7 363

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 23:34 - United States - Brimfield

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 945

You deserved it 12 790

By anon - 30/08/2015 06:20 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 052

You deserved it 1 850

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 225

You deserved it 7 058

By me - 07/03/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 854

You deserved it 3 878

The art of seduction

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 194

By bw9669 - 28/01/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 668

You deserved it 5 086

By cherrycokeee - 06/02/2010 18:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 7 017

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 16:03 - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 977

You deserved it 5 520

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 14:41 - Germany

Today, after almost a week of being bed-ridden with a bad flu, my mom told me it was my job to clean the house. When I told her I still had a fever and didn't feel well, she looked at me and said in an understanding voice "It's okay honey, you can do it slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 816

You deserved it 5 136

By garfwebba - 03/01/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 6 594

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 21:59 - New Zealand

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 138

You deserved it 6 696

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 181

By brannie - 30/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 689

You deserved it 46 255

By sexisdead - 31/07/2016 17:16

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 937

You deserved it 1 856

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 4 977

You got mail

By Awkwardly_dumped - 21/08/2018 14:30

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. When we took a break and went downstairs, he checked the mail. He had received a letter from his ex-girlfriend, which he opened in front of me. He then began sobbing on my shoulder and broke up with me. He still had to drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 175

By Stacy Dee - 20/07/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 271

You deserved it 4 476

By livay315 - 08/04/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 799

You deserved it 4 103

No, you do it!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 08:01

Today, despite being hearing impaired, I just spent an hour on the phone with Comcast setting up my mom's internet, because my sister who hears fine is "too busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 53

Let's not get too committed

By Just a Bro - 13/06/2021 03:31 - India

Today, it was the third time a guy high-fived me after sex. The other two guys gave me a fist bump. Is this a universal thing, or am I just one of the bros? FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 194

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 207

By fucking fuck it fucking hurts - 21/12/2012 22:41 - United States

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 566

You deserved it 6 161

By Hana - 23/03/2012 07:39 - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 034

You deserved it 5 963

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Top comments

OffToTheGayBar 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:11

BF: Oh, hold your orgasm a second, babe. OP: Why? BF: *Texts* I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

KaySL 24

Send a private message

Saturday 5 May 2012 0:30

*grammar Same to you, you moronic cunt.

christ101 2

Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

It is ediquette

The_Hitdude 12

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

*etiquette

Yerg 0

Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Dont be a grammer nazi if you dont know how to spell it either. It just makes you look dumb.

KaySL 24

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:30

*grammar Same to you, you moronic cunt.

GoW_Chick 14

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:34

Oh thank you! This thread was great I love stupid people. :D

hutch66 13

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Saturday 5 May 2012 1:16

18- You know what else makes you look dumb? Being a hypocritical idiot

phantumgrey 6

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Saturday 5 May 2012 2:05

People who take their own picture in mirrors are complete morons too!

GoW_Chick 14

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Saturday 5 May 2012 2:17

Ah yes but we are sexy morons ;)

tothenifty 1

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Saturday 5 May 2012 2:27

u have a Barbie pic for ur profile...

cayytee 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

yes but that picture is funny.

thatoneguy79 10

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Saturday 5 May 2012 4:20

Edickette is he proper spelling for this situation.

ohmandapants 16

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Saturday 5 May 2012 6:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

penguin_princess 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 7:37

Fail. 1 and 18 fail at spelling..

XxchristinasmhxX 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 0:55

I know this is random but I absolutely love blood on the dance floor to!

amy1_1bee 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 7:34

Fuckin PWND.

scarletstudies 0

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Monday 7 May 2012 4:17

111- *too

twinny_sc 13

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

What an idiot.

Il_Maestro 6

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:06

Exactly, such an idiot. Have some respect and stop bothering him with trivial things such as sex when he's in the middle of a text!

spazz666 18

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Saturday 5 May 2012 15:10

#2- I read this in Hermione Granger's voice.

thiscrazything 1

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Saturday 5 May 2012 19:52

He gives new meaning to the word dick.

ilulife 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

Then I hope you got him the hell out of ya

kcutie 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 7:34

FML? More like F me and the put the phone down ahole!

doctorhook86 24

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

Texting during sex is never classy, folks.

Nutty4Muffs 3

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

Don't text during sex; save lives.

jackassiddy 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:36

No kidding.. someone could get rear ended that way. *serious face*

titzenpitzer 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:41

You really had to say it, didn't you?

itwasallyellow 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 5:45

How about sexting during.. Tex? Eh, I tried.

cudi504 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 6:38

And you failed.

doctorhook86 24

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Saturday 5 May 2012 9:44

76 - No matter what the fat white kid says, I still found that funny.

yadisingh 5

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:10

It's also good etiquette to dump his ass, show him that.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 5 May 2012 4:46

Lmao @ your pic. Stupid Yahoo questions amuse me.

make_me_smile 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 16:04

Why would u dump someone beacuse they texted during sex? That's not a big enough reason

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 6 May 2012 1:38

Because he was texting his EX while having sex... That's just wrong on all levels.

OffToTheGayBar 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:11

BF: Oh, hold your orgasm a second, babe. OP: Why? BF: *Texts* I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

a88g 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 1:15

Lmao

ChaoticDreamer21 12

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Sunday 5 January 2014 9:53

Thank you for the laugh.

ebonyirony 29

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Perform better? So he won't think of his phone?

ilulife 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:15

A good partner wouldn't started texting no matter how good the performance was

doctorhook86 24

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Be a respectful audience; don't text during a movie, don't text during a concert, and don't text during sex.

pagullarka 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:46

Maybe you can give us some pointers

ebonyirony 29

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:56

27- me? I charge extra for groups

iliketurdles 7

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Saturday 5 May 2012 4:27

29, What can you do for.. *takes objects out of pocket* £2.40, half pack of gum and an elastic band?

p3mguin 7

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Saturday 5 May 2012 4:41

And I'll throw in a penguin, for free, if I'm in too. Bitches love penguins

ChrisG93 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 7:13

Hold on let me see what I've got... I'll throw in $2.35, a coupon for some frosted flakes, and a receipt.

Cydadel 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 12:15

I have only me :( but I think if I do some digging I got like 9 packs of gum.

sm0kinBCBudz 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 13:29

I got 25$ and a coffe crisp.

p3mguin 7

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Saturday 5 May 2012 15:59

No, to many people. Ditch all of them and a foursome with me, you, and two of my best mating penguins. You know you want to.

ebonyirony 29

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Monday 7 May 2012 14:20

Sold to the penguins

bebefer 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

... How did you confront him? Just curious.

girlwithmoodeyes 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:51

she uploaded the FML during oral. duh.

bebohacker1 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 2:06

/ nice lol. Either that or she checked into facebook...

rubberduckie94 13

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:13

She must have not taken the tracking device out of his dick and knew he was up to something.

btstig 11

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Should have tried to work up a three way. You only needed one more.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 1 077

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 177

The art of seduction

You probably do

You got mail

No, you do it!

Let's not get too committed

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