Love: Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been...

By Anon - United States

Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML

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Love

Fairytale ending

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

QAnon weirdoes

By SingleWorker - United States

Today, I come home for lunch. I see a sandwich on the table with a note saying "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I see another note from my girlfriend next to it saying "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step mother. FML

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By QuicksilverMaximoff - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

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By eggnoodles - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

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By Braced - United States

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mio

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

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By Andrew - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

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By little nokken - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

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By Thatgirl

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

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By auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

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By bossgroper - United States

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

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By babyfatt - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

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By Anonymous

The Girl Can't Help It

Today, I got fired from my job for having a resting bitch face when I get frustrated or when I'm concentrating on my work. According to them, I have to work on my "anger issues." FML

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By Joey

Today, I stepped outside my house for the first time in a year, trying to socialize again. I broke my leg. FML

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By Bug - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

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By WTF - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

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By nicole - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

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By nononame - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

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By Ginna - Canada

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

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By FML - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

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By dirty deeds - 31/5/2020 14:00

Still better than the Cats movie

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

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By The Towel Molester - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

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By wish his dad had worn one - United States - Clinton

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

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So shite

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

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By panicked headaches - United States - East Lansing

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

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By jerrid - United States

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

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By LameChef - Poland

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

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By auscop - Australia

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

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By Robyn - Belgium - Stokkem

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

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By ashamed

Dad jokes, part #23556

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

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By missyoudad. - Australia

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wexford

Today, my aunt informed me that my dad thinks my boyfriend is a loser deadbeat because he hasn't proposed to me after two years of dating and co-habitation. He hasn't asked because I already made it very clear I have no interest in marriage. FML

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By truecountrybitch - 9/5/2020 23:00

Anger management

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

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By Shocked

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

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Top comments

By I_am_stupid_also | 6

#131477 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:18

I think #10 is going to be getting some nasty stuff in her inbox soon.

By Green12324 | 0

#131409 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:04

Oh dang, that sucks.

COMMENTS

By MattGil | 0

#131408 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:04

ahah ouch, it sucks to be ugly

123sploosh | 0

#353939 - Tuesday 30 June 2009 6:18

i bet you are ugly. matt.

Darraghscoot | 0

#892448 - Thursday 25 February 2010 22:25

haaaahaaaaa! YDI for meeting someone online (:

prinny_fml | 0

#1025617 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:12

op is probably just obese which is different from ugly but worse

LaneyyLOVE | 0

#1048211 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 7:31

yea Matt, where's your picture bud?! aha.

hellokittywhore | 0

#1234594 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:43

your ego

____ __________

unrecoverable. at best. -_-

Beast962 | 4

#2646397 - Thursday 9 June 2011 6:10

Im guessing your used to it right?

By Green12324 | 0

#131409 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:04

Oh dang, that sucks.

By jenn03 | 0

#131411 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:05

aww.

By snorlax422 | 0

#131412 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:05

Ooh! FYL indeed. Well, at least you're not the only one who's apparently ugly.

By Abirys | 0

#131431 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:08

lol that stinks

By Emzoo | 0

#131432 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:08

[email protected] #1

By steinway | 0

#131435 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:09

hahahahahahahahaha

By tozfeekum | 0

#131436 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:09

we need a picture..

By Calaura9 | 0

#131450 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:11

Send me a pic! My email address is [email protected] I really want to see!

SynysterNero | 20

#5521572 - Wednesday 5 June 2013 7:00

You do realize now anyone can send you stuff right?

zach205 | 24

#5934056 - Saturday 3 May 2014 21:56

ok, I shall apply you to every spam mail website in existence

JJ_86 | 22

#5945195 - Wednesday 14 May 2014 23:11

Too late now though spending your time to spam a mailbox which most probably have not been used for 4-5 years.

By NGM_KID | 0

#131458 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:13

So what should i type on google to see it? troll, monster guy, stalker ugly man......? TELL ME!! lol

Cambo9000 | 0

#820413 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 3:50

Try Godzilla