What?

I would say the boyfriend failed... his intelligence. Either that or he's trying to make up a break up excuse.

I'm not gonna lie, I read "came onto" as "ejaculated" the first time and had to re-read. This app has harmed my reading abilities

Its a test you cannot pass, No matter what

Exactly. It's almost like the Salem Witch trial. "Throw her in the water, if she doesn't drown she's a witch. If she's a witch, burn her with fire." I think OP just found herself a couple of head jobs. Now she should make herself available for someone who's not so insecure.

The "Heads I win, Tails you lose" test. Flirt with the dad and you're unfaithful; don't flirt with the dad and apparently you're not attracted to partner in 30 years. OP, have a word with your boyfriend. I won't say break up because I don't know the details of the relationship, but serious conversation tie at the very least.

Fuck running. I'd be hopping onto the next flight out of there. This is just... I am at a lost for words here.

When you see crazy, cross the street.

I don't know if it's just a flag anymore. That's got flashing lights on a billboard screaming "Get out now!"

Dad was hoping OP would "pass."