Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
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Top comments
dogpup4 23
This really doesn't seem as bad when you don't misread boyfriend as brother. Like I did.
ilovetylerseguin 0
he's a keeper
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Comments (219)
FleshForFantasy 3
I may be bias because I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan but I thought it was funny.
WCARlover 35
At least he has a sense of humor?
Exeggcute 5
Seriously, some people just try to lighten the mood with their nerdy references!!! :D
Ins_Knie 2
Come on, take a joke. Anywhere, but take it. lol
FruityLoooons 8
Oh, um... ...wow. :/
USMC_Cpl 5
That was an unnecessarily long space.
yoursucklives 36
oh come on that was funny. if you really think that's an fml, then you have no sense of humor and a life that's way to boring.
Snafuusmc 12
Don't look at his brown eye....
RensM 22
Hmm So your ****** is the ring that rules them all?
amanda_d95 9
I read your comment and then saw your picture and those together is very creepy.
alycion 39
Isn't that how things normally work?
chacon49 1
Lmfao
RensM 22
@amanda_d95, So which should I change the comment or the picture :-P
amanda_d95 9
155- I think it would be for the best, sir.
cass210 7
Oh my lord that made me laugh. This was on par with the 'Man the torpedoes!' FML a couple of weeks back.
ctlnaaia71 8
Eewwwww he's not circumcised! Thats gross.
chili10 18
You've probably never even seen an uncircumcised penis, so just do everybody a favor and shut up.
Dracoboxer357 36
He's gross for not having had a piece of his body removed? I think I understand....because by God, if you still have your appendix, I'm going to hate and shun you, you impure worm! ;) Yes I'm teasing you to make a point: hate/fear and sometimes disgust are as Chili pointed out, perhaps a sign of inexperience/unfamiliarity. You may not think they're so bad once you "gain some experience", so to speak. ;) (I'm assuming that you're a younger girl.) Here's to hoping you keep an open mind. Cheers.
moop256 10
But ummm... If anyone needs a circumsition I'll do it for a quarter the price it usually costs.
chili10 18
Couldn't have said it any better, dracoboxer. :)
confettifarts 4
My fiancé's penis isn't circumcised. And personally, in it's weird penis-y way, it's quite beautiful. I had a boyfriend a long time ago with a circumcised penis, and let's just say I didn't like looking at it very much. I don't have an issue with either or, I just think keeping your foreskin on your penis is the prettier version of the 2. One just looks like it hurts all the time....
blueice4all 4
Lol omg that is hilarious!