Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
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Top comments
dogpup4 23
This really doesn't seem as bad when you don't misread boyfriend as brother. Like I did.
ilovetylerseguin 0
he's a keeper
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Comments (219)
bri5083 9
At least he didn't ask you to talk to it-.-
hero93 6
I'm gonna be honest, uncircumcised penis' scare me.
tiffaany131995 3
In that case, you're a ******* idiot. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it...it's skin. That's like saying you should cut your ear lobe off just because there's skin there.
Fmlsea 28
I'm surprise he gets laid at all lol what a turn off
beckyxD 13
Circumsize??
katya_21 6
Oh good God - hilarious! You do know the 'eye of Sauron' sees everything, right? Come on OP it could've been much worse. Cheer up!
TheBatgirl 7
It would have worked better if he had a ******.
l23VIVE 17
Lolz hes a keeper
gracevet88 0
Lol lord of the dingalings
mrsmaglietta 6
omg that's funny
Slapshott30 3
WTF? His birthday or Christmas present should be the gift of Circumcision...