Love: Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said...

By chipmunk - 29/10/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 627

You deserved it 7 644

Love

Mama's boy

Mother of the year

BO Central

By naps aren't what they used to be - 27/04/2013 22:05 - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 032

You deserved it 25 896

By GOLLUM! - 18/05/2017 00:00

Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 623

You deserved it 1 951

By arirx12 - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 3 638

By RaceCar - 12/02/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 20 977

By laughxlove - 23/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 794

You deserved it 32 849

Holiday assumptions

By Red Toad - 26/12/2020 20:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 101

By BluBaller - 06/04/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 508

You deserved it 5 870

By Hot Pants - 01/12/2011 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 366

You deserved it 5 788

By Spanner - 25/04/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 517

Poor old Truffles

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 82

Mother knows best...

By flymetothemoon - 27/09/2017 20:00

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 4 216

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 008

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 08/10/2010 16:33 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 751

You deserved it 5 971

By ForgottenAgain - 29/08/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 3 913

By anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 756

You deserved it 4 451

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 22:44 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 841

You deserved it 4 491

By bruised_scrotum - 15/05/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 342

You deserved it 4 791

By cramps - 17/09/2009 13:59 - Australia

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 131

You deserved it 3 980

By Hahaha - 29/01/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 680

You deserved it 40 144

Stuck in the middle with you

By dadlife - 08/06/2021 04:01

Today, I heard my wife and daughter arguing. My wife took away my daughter's phone and laptop for being disrespectful. My daughter screamed, calling her mom a fat cow. My wife simply said, "Yeah, well you’re gonna look exactly like me when you grow up!" Now they’re both locked in rooms, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 124

By ughhhh - 03/05/2014 21:10 - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 628

You deserved it 7 943

By smurfisurfer1 - 12/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 4 908

By GT716 - 07/04/2009 12:50 - United States

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 958

You deserved it 13 904

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 02:38

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135

You deserved it 2 655

Not all heroes…

By pooped - 12/04/2020 23:00

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 155

By Dave - 19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 682

By midwify - 05/01/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 7 601

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 09/06/2013 23:33 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 414

You deserved it 9 109

By pixie09 - 08/11/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 373

You deserved it 11 572

By meranda_johnson - 13/12/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 2 525

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 033

You deserved it 62 878

All that time I'm never getting back

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 11:02 - United States - York

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 854

By resipsahipsta - 28/06/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 087

You deserved it 24 343

By JStein - 29/11/2012 04:33 - United States - Hampshire

Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 8 930

By margelover - 11/10/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 022

You deserved it 9 016

By grantsidiots - 27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 732

You deserved it 3 131

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 903

You deserved it 31 160

By TakenAdvantageOf - 15/09/2017 04:30

Today, my husband asked to borrow money. He couldn't pay his half of the rent or utilities this month, but he did manage to buy a $1,700 radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 368

You deserved it 574

By Anonymous - 25/09/2018 12:00

Today, a guy asked for hot fries at the drive thru. After receiving the fries, he threw them at the drive thru window, complained that they were too hot, and asked for the manager for burning his mouth. I am the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 141

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Top comments

Xellith 5

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:08

you should love someone for who they are not what they look like.

RockieGirl 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:08

but chipmunks rule! ALVIN, SIMON, THEODORE.

re2K5 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 14:59

That's not nice, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't care enough about themselves to watch their weight, either. unless you're pregnant or something...

The_Pleb 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 23:06

Make your guy a sammich!!! and hell forget about your face for a moment. YDI

MLB6 2

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Friday 30 October 2009 2:02

yea i feel ya ... all my friends call me a cute little chimpmunk and even though they all want my dick it gets pretty annoyin

BJ94 0

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Sunday 8 November 2009 3:18

is his dick that small???

scratchy209 0

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Saturday 10 April 2010 16:31

yeah.. what an ass.

Kamon97 23

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Monday 4 November 2013 20:10

7 fucking years and the looks of your cheeks are what he looks for? I'd say you're better off without him sorry OP that you had to waste 7 years with that douchebag

AliMarie 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 14:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

LoveDemon 19

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:00

huh ??? good thing you guys split ...

Xellith 5

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:08

you should love someone for who they are not what they look like.

sweetpandora_fml 2

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:17

especially after SEVEN years

wazdog 4

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:30

But physical appearance is also part of who they are.

lmaoatyourlife 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:41

Yeh but then why not just offer to join and gym with you if he had a problem with your weight? I don't see why you would leave some one after 7 years just because they put weight on their face.

redinfinity 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:45

After seven years he probably thought she was getting fatter every year thus realizing he's losing his attraction to her physically. People say it's the inside that matters but in reality, both are important. Anyone else who says otherwise is fooling themselves (or likes more to love, in which case, more power to them).

citycrazed25 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:56

She might have been that way for a while and refused to change. Life is too short to be with someone that you aren't attracted to, no matter how long you have been together.

voveraite 7

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Thursday 29 October 2009 16:23

What I fail to understand: Weight doesn't come on overnight! In SEVEN years, there's plenty of time to notice a trend of changing, and talk to your partner honestly about it. I hate it when people collect a frustration over a long time rather than working it out as soon as it develops.

_Naboo_ 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 22:16

True, but it shouldn't count for everything. Personality and attitude counts more than anything. I'd rather have an average looking girl with a great attitude/personality than a hot girl with an awful attitude.

wazdog 4

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Friday 30 October 2009 3:11

Naboo, your comparison is unfair. Average looking (+0) and great personality(+1) vs hot looks(+1) and awful personality(-1). EIther the first girl has to be ugly or the second girl would have an average personality.

AcrusaderA 10

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Sunday 22 November 2015 15:49

what they look like is part of who you are. if you like someone, and part of that relationship is based on physical attraction (which it should be), then their appearance changing would alter your thoughts about them.

RockieGirl 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:08

but chipmunks rule! ALVIN, SIMON, THEODORE.

jamuu 0

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Tuesday 27 April 2010 10:46

agreed(:

Capt_Jordi 0

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Thursday 29 October 2009 15:09

wow be glad you got rid of the douche!

chlorinegreen 27

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Monday 13 June 2011 21:19

he got rid of her actually. but honestly it may not be a weight problem. I have a round face and my cheeks are pinch worthy but I have a stable weight of 110.