Love: Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for... - FML

09/07/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 388

You deserved it 3 578

Taking stock

Don't hate the player…

Pile on

24/01/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 370

You deserved it 4 410

Not coming out yet, sorry

By KeEp.iT.A.SeCrEt - 17/04/2021 02:00

Today, a "friend" of mine told everyone that I had a crush on a girl I used to be really good friends with 2 years ago. I never liked her that way, and had said that only to hide the fact that I'm gay and don't feel safe with boys. Her current boyfriend is seriously annoyed with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 166

The appearance

By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 10:15 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I find why my long term boyfriend has not been interested in sex for the last 3 months. It’s because I’m fat. While I could probably lose a few, I am not obese and I am the one that has lead healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 346

Thanks, I hate it

By PiMan - 19/01/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 064

You deserved it 3 096

10/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Middletown

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 624

You deserved it 2 988

10/06/2013 23:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 897

You deserved it 4 201

12/06/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 136

You deserved it 3 303

27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 763

You deserved it 3 071

30/03/2009 10:14 - Netherlands

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 465

You deserved it 7 432

02/05/2016 21:12 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 003

You deserved it 1 106

01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 454

You deserved it 20 577

23/11/2012 02:49 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 194

You deserved it 2 860

31/03/2013 17:55 - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 712

You deserved it 6 955

02/07/2010 01:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 462

You deserved it 8 633

06/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 741

You deserved it 4 165

12/03/2013 19:03 - United States - Mattapan

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 989

You deserved it 3 153

With friends like these…

By MaySheRestinPeace - 06/03/2020 15:00

Today, a friend asked me to cover his shift at work because his grandmother died. Like any decent friend, I obliged. Later, after leaving, I walked by a bar and saw him inside, laughing and doing shots with all of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 132

07/04/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 509

You deserved it 58 120

10/12/2018 09:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 656

You deserved it 329

08/01/2013 13:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 945

You deserved it 3 954

Entitled

By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving

Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard ,"No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 64

29/01/2013 22:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 599

You deserved it 40 811

No soup for you

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Janesville

Today, I filled a bag full of Beer Cheese soup. Set it on the passenger seat to take home. Got home to realize the bag was leaking. The passenger seat and floor are covered in soup. My car is new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 1 089

23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 413

You deserved it 5 817

22/11/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 480

You deserved it 3 534

11/12/2008 12:21 - France

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 954

You deserved it 7 528

01/01/2011 23:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 3 960

Piece of piss

By DogeToTheMoon - 29/05/2021 23:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, I wanted to either say, "I already did it, sweetheart" or "I already did it, baby" to my SO, but my brain had other plans. I started to say ,“I already did it, sweet baby” but I got to "sweet" and in a millisecond mentally switched words, so what I ended up saying was, "I already did it sweet peepee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 245

06/04/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 363

You deserved it 13 519

12/10/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 093

You deserved it 49 865

03/09/2014 22:30 - United States - Phillipsburg

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 033

You deserved it 36 053

27/03/2015 08:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 937

You deserved it 7 929

06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 829

You deserved it 5 084

10/12/2018 17:30 - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 672

You deserved it 138

23/12/2014 20:41 - United States - Franklin

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 690

You deserved it 3 782

01/09/2012 13:58 - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 511

You deserved it 3 637

02/05/2016 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 281

You deserved it 5 249

10/05/2019 12:00

Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 570

20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 993

You deserved it 12 930

05/07/2015 05:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 2 523

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Top comments

JFox 8

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:06

His friends are total assholes, but at least HE loves you, right ? :]

meanie_monday 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:10

at least now he thinks you're beautiful, right? at least I hope so...

Comments

JFox 8

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:06

His friends are total assholes, but at least HE loves you, right ? :]

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:22

Well his friends might have been mad at her because he was spending all his time with her my friends try to break up me and my gf by putting one of there moms bras in my room but I explained and it was ok op don't feel bad he is still with you so that's cool

Lia_Mackenzie 4

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:37

#14...Punctuation is your friend.

curryndricegirll 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 4:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

ElectroBunneh 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 5:07

#51...your post made me happy=D Yeah, I agree. At least he is sticking up for you and not agreeing with them.

blink182rocks 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 5:22

YDI for being an "ugly duckling."

lw81 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 7:16

this post is about her b/f, not about her grammar. come on, enjoy it.

666HailSatan666 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 8:52

bliink182rocks = fail troll

Shadow_Phantom 26

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Friday 10 July 2009 10:58

lol. What bugs me is the nickname "beautiful swan." Reminds me of a certain horribly written book...

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Friday 10 July 2009 12:37

thats not a FML, but if u discover he tried to get ur sister throu u than that might be FML

Shadow_Phantom 26

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Friday 10 July 2009 13:42

It's "you" and "through." =/

thatwasobvious 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:07

wow. its a good thing.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:08

Awesome. And you have spent 5 years with a guy that thinks about your sister when he is bangin you. FYL indeed.

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Friday 16 July 2010 0:36

negative much?

Driving_Gaming 22

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Sunday 8 November 2015 11:35

Yes. yee

meanie_monday 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:10

at least now he thinks you're beautiful, right? at least I hope so...

marleesharpie 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:11

I'm sorry. :( At least you're with the one that loves you. His friends are just assholes. I'm sure you're beautiful. :)

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Friday 10 July 2009 18:26

That's right - he stayed with you for five years, despite the crap his friends probably gave him. So he's probably really friggen into you.

Thebestinclass 16

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Saturday 21 November 2015 6:33

#5 #94 I don't think you guys really read it. Both his friends AND him called her the ugly duckling.

texxxasissouth 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:12

oooooooo...FYL sorry to hear that :( kick him in the nuts!

thatwasobvious 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:15

Oh yes, brilliant. Punish his honesty. That would'nt display clear trust issues or anything.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:33

Don't kick him in the nuts.. he loves you and calls you beautiful!! kick his superficial friends in the nuts!

yellowaholic 25

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Tuesday 13 August 2013 7:06

You can't solve everything by kicking people in the nuts.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:14

Fuck his friends. at least he thinks you're beautiful, thats what matters :)

Singularity_fml 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 6:28

It says that HE and his friends referred to her as an ugly duckling. So he called her that too.

theoceanscool 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:17

Well, at least he loves you..

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:18

Uhh ... no. I couldn't be with a guy that looked at my sister or even dared compared me to someone when in a relationship. Love isn't about comparison. Then again, not everyone's all about the love. It's a superficial world.

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:22

If you can't stand being compared to other people, by what token is anyone supposed to appreciate you? Shouldn't they be with you because they have compared you to other people and think you're the best catch? Anything else would just be settling, right?

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Friday 10 July 2009 3:54

We're all intelligent people here, right? So I'm sure I don't need to point out to you that it was not the boyfriend who was making the comparisons but his friends. You knew that, right?

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Friday 10 July 2009 4:00

OH NO! I misread the post! Aparently we're NOT all intelegent people here.

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Friday 10 July 2009 5:12

Love is just a chemical reaction in the brain that has a half life of about 6 months. It's not like in the movies, sadly. Doesn't science suck?

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Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:32

too bad you're so self concious you can't stand being compared to others. looks like your only matches can only ever be idiots that are constantly self medicated that are with you only because nothing better came along

Thebestinclass 16

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Saturday 21 November 2015 6:35

Actually it was him. It says in the FML that both his friends AND him called her the ugly duckling.

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Friday 10 July 2009 1:19

awwwww! you know when I read that story (picture book) the ugly duckling sounded prety cute just differnt!

theblondefriend 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 4:53

Are you serious? "Ugly" shouldn't be a park of ANY girl's nickname.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 338

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 69