By ShittyProposal - United States - Columbus Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML I agree, your life sucks 48168 You deserved it 4854 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Seabiscuit - United States Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML I agree, your life sucks 15457 You deserved it 77590 218 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fired - United States Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 10176 You deserved it 65177 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Innocent - New Zealand Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML I agree, your life sucks 21183 You deserved it 1113 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kittyd - United States Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML I agree, your life sucks 33511 You deserved it 3568 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oops - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML I agree, your life sucks 11477 You deserved it 48042 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML I agree, your life sucks 27442 You deserved it 26152 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By worstwaytodumpagirl - United Kingdom - Harrow Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML I agree, your life sucks 46876 You deserved it 3538 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DerrickUhl - United States - Napa Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML I agree, your life sucks 25697 You deserved it 6886 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By craZycatLady - United States - Mission Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 33243 You deserved it 3602 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver Hummmmmmmmm Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1480 You deserved it 122 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Abandoned - United States Today, our family went out to a restaurant at night. My cousin and I needed to go to the restroom, so we told everyone before going. Less than three minutes later, we came out to find them gone, along with the cars. They forgot about their own kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 30777 You deserved it 2440 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Enni Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML I agree, your life sucks 17562 You deserved it 1488 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adamclmns - United States Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML I agree, your life sucks 32119 You deserved it 15180 301 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML I agree, your life sucks 31445 You deserved it 5899 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 33505 You deserved it 2895 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By begging for air - United States - Hillsboro Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML I agree, your life sucks 48587 You deserved it 5117 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By redlips - Japan Today, I asked my fiancé what he liked most about being in a relationship with me. His answer? "I can watch your boobs without being called a perv." FML I agree, your life sucks 31220 You deserved it 7371 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Failed Parent - United States Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 27812 You deserved it 4614 230 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tryscal - United States Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 16240 You deserved it 56722 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United Kingdom Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML I agree, your life sucks 34757 You deserved it 6069 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By backseatbusted - United States Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML I agree, your life sucks 56670 You deserved it 12945 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yay! - United States Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 8748 You deserved it 32192 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML I agree, your life sucks 30893 You deserved it 7223 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dayum - Mexico Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML I agree, your life sucks 33865 You deserved it 5509 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By paige - United States Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML I agree, your life sucks 55605 You deserved it 5771 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML I agree, your life sucks 33570 You deserved it 4442 200 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML I agree, your life sucks 43708 You deserved it 3352 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Merlin - United States - Fairfield Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML I agree, your life sucks 34548 You deserved it 2316 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sickly Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML I agree, your life sucks 43387 You deserved it 4320 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Germany Today, I asked my boss to pay me for the only 2 sick days I had taken in 6 months, but he didn't want to. I reminded him that it's the law now in Germany, even for part-time work, so he said OK. Two hours later, he fired me. One week before my probationary period was up. FML I agree, your life sucks 1853 You deserved it 515 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SMRT - United States - Chattanooga Geography for Dummies Today, I had an argument with my dad about Venice being in Italy, not Spain. He wouldn't believe me, and had to Google it. He's an engineer for an aerospace company. FML I agree, your life sucks 1377 You deserved it 151 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mycariswrecked - United States - Tinley Park Early meeting Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML I agree, your life sucks 2205 You deserved it 182 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By argh - Australia Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML I agree, your life sucks 10389 You deserved it 32120 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sunflowercake - Canada Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML I agree, your life sucks 47821 You deserved it 2357 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KenzFell - Canada - Calgary Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML I agree, your life sucks 28083 You deserved it 3031 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Samantha Today, I discovered that my parents made a game out of my mental illness. Every morning, they have a bet on which one of them can make me cry first. FML I agree, your life sucks 3578 You deserved it 278 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DumbLackofLuck - United States Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML I agree, your life sucks 28745 You deserved it 8929 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML I agree, your life sucks 525 You deserved it 1561 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By obtuse_ballsack - Croatia - Zagreb Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 26581 You deserved it 2736 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML I agree, your life sucks 23728 You deserved it 7020 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SmuggletheBudgie | 15 #5723297 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:32 What class your boyfriend has. He's a keeper for sure. Send a private message 214 9 Reply
By killerclowns | 8 #5723299 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:34 Romantic, or something Send a private message 155 4 Reply
By SmuggletheBudgie | 15 #5723297 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:32 What class your boyfriend has. He's a keeper for sure. Send a private message 214 9 Reply
Reply NeatNit | 32 #5723355 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:17 I hope you said yes. Send a private message 24 1 Reply
Reply Rainhawk94 | 27 #5723362 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:24 I hope the bird said yes too Send a private message 14 2 Reply
Reply LanceGoodthrust | 19 #5723363 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:26 The OP obviously is a classy lady herself... She called a toilet "the crapper." Send a private message 76 6 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5723366 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:30 you're right, she didn't say "shitter" >_> Send a private message 37 4 Reply
Reply IloveToLaugh143 | 21 #5723404 - Sunday 20 October 2013 16:08 I think this is cute. Even though it would probably be better if he was sober. Did you say yes? Send a private message 7 54 Reply
Reply hannahsnyder69 | 16 #5723455 - Sunday 20 October 2013 16:51 She called it a crapper to paint an illusion for the scenario, subliminally referencing that toilet is far to classy for such a moment Send a private message 49 3 Reply
Reply PuggieKid | 22 #5723474 - Sunday 20 October 2013 17:08 Guess what I'm saying instead of toilet now. Send a private message 5 34 Reply
Reply wowthatsucks5 | 8 #5723579 - Sunday 20 October 2013 18:35 Can we all just appreciate her name is "shittyproposal" Send a private message 45 0 Reply
Reply skyttlz | 32 #5723788 - Sunday 20 October 2013 21:43 #77- I don't know about everyone else but I'm getting tired of all "shitty" puns. Send a private message 16 5 Reply
Reply rememberkids | 14 #5723876 - Monday 21 October 2013 0:18 I have to agree. That is all. Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply bellebe1998 | 16 #5723933 - Monday 21 October 2013 2:23 I hope you told the bastard no. Send a private message 4 19 Reply
Reply Jameslb | 2 #5725469 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 4:53 Still a better love story than Twilight. Send a private message 13 3 Reply
Reply jillian2296 | 11 #5734282 - Tuesday 29 October 2013 19:40 you think its cute for someone to purpose while on the toilet?? Send a private message 3 2 Reply
By killerclowns | 8 #5723299 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:34 Romantic, or something Send a private message 155 4 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5723318 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:45 as being currently drunk, I can tell you that he forgot the romantic moonlight Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5723336 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:05 *romantic moonlight serenade...which is not something you put on a salad :D Send a private message 14 1 Reply
Reply Enslaved | 36 #5723445 - Sunday 20 October 2013 16:40 Who needs moonlight, when he had his own moon to show the OP? (: Send a private message 35 2 Reply
Reply klaralynn | 17 #5724129 - Monday 21 October 2013 4:35 At least he drunkenly proposed to OP, not someone else. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
By fucMyLifeSoHard | 18 #5723300 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:36 Well at least you'll have a story to tell the grandkids. Send a private message 93 2 Reply
Reply ohSNAPyall | 26 #5723577 - Sunday 20 October 2013 18:28 "Once upon a time, we almost got engaged." Send a private message 29 1 Reply
Reply euphoricness | 28 #5723825 - Sunday 20 October 2013 22:49 Or maybe: "I can still remember the sweet smell of shit and the wind blowing through my hair from the fan in the bathroom. Yup it was so romantic alright" Send a private message 33 2 Reply
Reply MyUsernameKatie | 31 #5723915 - Monday 21 October 2013 1:34 Then he vomited all over himself. It truly was love. Send a private message 8 2 Reply
By pirrirri | 8 #5723301 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:36 This sounds like a crappy situation. Send a private message 24 71 Reply
Reply Rainhawk94 | 27 #5723339 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:07 You're fired Send a private message 66 1 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5723347 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:14 and rehired! Send a private message 9 41 Reply
Reply Sandsh8rk | 36 #5723348 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:14 Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. Send a private message 53 0 Reply
Reply Ambient25 | 24 #5723354 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:16 but what if dinosaurs attack...can I tape my thumbs to my palms and act like them?? Send a private message 5 36 Reply
By nnnope | 26 #5723302 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:37 your username made me laugh harder than it should have. Send a private message 50 15 Reply
By BillyBobJoe12346 | 3 #5723303 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:37 So,was it a shitty proposal? Send a private message 11 57 Reply
Reply FlyingLeumer | 19 #5723306 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:39 I believe her username answers that question Send a private message 25 1 Reply
Reply Robbieisadowg | 16 #5723376 - Sunday 20 October 2013 15:39 #9 In that case, are you actually a flying leumer? Send a private message 23 2 Reply
By jh921971 | 10 #5723304 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:38 He's got nothing to hide! Say yes! Send a private message 40 3 Reply
By Wakachulak | 22 #5723305 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:39 Accept before he sobers up and retracts it! Send a private message 34 4 Reply
Reply graceinsheepwear | 33 #5723738 - Sunday 20 October 2013 20:27 Straight from the old "gotta trap me a man" school of dating. Send a private message 16 0 Reply
By ballettillidie | 8 #5723307 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:39 Dawwwww! How romantic!!! Send a private message 20 0 Reply
By gracehi | 31 #5723308 - Sunday 20 October 2013 14:39 Congratulations! :D Oh so romantic. Send a private message 8 0 Reply
Today, I'm in love with my best friend, while also being in love with my wife. I know he has feelings for me too. I wish my wife was poly too. FML I agree, your life sucks 93 You deserved it 283 4 Comments
Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the... I agree, your life sucks 300 You deserved it 48 3 Comments