Love: Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought... - FML

By maebyf - 31/08/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 904

You deserved it 8 345

And today, on Dr Phil…

Sorry…

Womens' pockets liberation now!

By T___T - 12/09/2015 01:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 318

You deserved it 2 282

By DrunkenMum - 20/07/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 89

By haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 987

You deserved it 9 426

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 03:26 - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 645

You deserved it 5 189

By Anonymous - 08/07/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 2 640

By Amore - 09/12/2014 19:15 - France - Bois-colombes

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 4 238

By ToxicSuicide - 08/03/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 812

You deserved it 2 936

By vikingunicorn - 23/05/2010 05:47 - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 813

You deserved it 7 510

By LOLCATS - 13/10/2009 13:45 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 067

You deserved it 2 454

By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk - 25/06/2018 15:00

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 086

You deserved it 209

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 439

You deserved it 4 555

By sly - 04/01/2009 03:55 - France

Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 086

You deserved it 3 713

How is that fair?

By Henry - 13/10/2019 13:00

Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 120

Alcoholics of the world, get help

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 192

Midlife crisis

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 20:04

Today, the woman I've been dating for a while told me she wants to, "go back to day one of the relationship and just be friends first," but doesn’t want to break up or lose me, all because she’s having a midlife crisis. I was going to propose to her next month, I've already bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 85

By mommydearist - 19/10/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 2 880

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 6 918

By ElixirRose - 20/07/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 389

You deserved it 46 562

By cc13799 - 28/05/2014 00:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 457

You deserved it 4 369

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 276

You deserved it 1 054

By meikd423 - 10/09/2010 16:36 - France

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 792

You deserved it 4 540

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 435

You deserved it 10 155

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 834

You deserved it 2 939

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 834

You deserved it 5 302

By forgetful - 30/10/2015 21:16 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 006

You deserved it 6 574

By Sad Mom - 25/07/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 5 469

By anonymous - 16/08/2015 03:16 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 225

You deserved it 2 072

By SummerGirl0009 - 23/08/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 069

You deserved it 3 775

By Rainydaze - 10/11/2017 20:00 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, the guy I hooked up with last summer who was "going through a divorce" welcomed his new baby with his loving wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 112

You deserved it 1 829

By OhJoy - 02/11/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 198

You deserved it 4 212

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 7 624

By ValeyFallsAlot - 14/01/2011 14:18

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 823

You deserved it 2 982

By backwardsinlife - 05/10/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 396

You deserved it 45 450

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:00

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 391

You deserved it 424

By Anonymous - 27/05/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 103

You deserved it 2 786

By Spiller - 17/11/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 307

You deserved it 28 956

Modern Family

By Wtffmlfs - 26/09/2019 04:01

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 359

You deserved it 9 827

By homelesslyf - 30/12/2018 22:00 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 383

By halebop - 06/04/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 604

You deserved it 5 154

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:08

that's not what you had in mind but still, does that take away from the rest of the evening?

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:15

Everybody farts. I did it once.

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:08

that's not what you had in mind but still, does that take away from the rest of the evening?

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:09

good story to tell the kids

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:16

This FML be jokin'. Women don't fart.

mfmylifesrsly 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:21

oh I though he farted. LOL that sucks OP, but congrats!

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:22

wow how lady-like.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:32

Once in a lifetime chance! And you BLEW it :p

2kool4skoolyo 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:48

fluffy bunnies are yummy! In the place of no darkness we shall meet!

black_knight402 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:49

10 is right. Most likely op is a guy.

hnz 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:50

pooooooooooooottt is the new yes!

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:59

Oh noes, my dual blade just died :)

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:03

Consider yourself lucky you didn't shit yourself.

KarinaLizeth18 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:09

hahaha!! priceless

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:14

skroal yes women do Fart haha most of them don't do it in front of guys

joeinthedark 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:16

Something tells me that Skroal was joking. Why is it so hard for people to discern the jokes from the serious comments around here?

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:23

way to set the mood lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:25

uh, check your facts everybody farts it's not I'd your a guy or girl it's something humans do.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:30

I agree with 1. you got what you wanted

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:56

Lol, 50 "check your facts" haha I wonder if this is something they frequently say in day-to-day life. Check your facts, everyone. Check your facts.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 21:11

Life is a gas. LOL

the_flaming_ice_ 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 21:47

um isnt this from Larry the cable guy: health inspector? faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

the_flaming_ice_ 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 21:47

um isnt this from Larry the cable guy: health inspector? faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

NuyoRicanGirl 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:01

LMAO atleast you're getting married =p that's a way of saying you I feel comfortable with you already

NuyoRicanGirl 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:24

* of you saying

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 23:29

that's gold!!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 23:45

lovely

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 23:55

You should have burped out the yes.

RachelTheLoser 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 September 2010 4:09

agreed with 1. like really? fyl? don't think so..

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 September 2010 7:52

40 :o ASSASSIN!!!!!!

klumzy0123456789 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 September 2010 20:54

teehee. lol XD if he is ur soon to b hubby he prolly wot care. just he will never let u live it down!

itsybitsyspider 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 September 2010 8:37

ehh, it could of gone worse. he could of asked you, you saying "OHEMGEE YESSS!!" him going "APRIL FOOLS!!" and finally you going, "that was like 5 months agooz.. sad face. :("

Send a private message

Friday 3 September 2010 20:36

Almost as good as when you shit on him tonight during anal sex :(@)

Send a private message

Saturday 4 September 2010 18:13

hello

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:09

first. life goal completed

nerdsgetmehot 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:12

#2 I think you'd better re-think your life goal.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:21

why is this?

sexy_chick_123 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:48

You are not first. If it is your life goal and you did not complete it then you have something to live for still.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:32

lmfao proud for a second. no, #2? sucks lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:56

That's alright I don't see why guys would wanna brag about coming first anyway

joeinthedark 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 21:04

I think you're now talking about something very different.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:13

60 so clever with the jokes

KaarmaaBiitchzz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 September 2010 3:49

you should post this as a fml #2... Today, i was really happy, i realized my ultimate dream, i completed my life goal : write the first comment of a fml...so i thought!!!!! actually, i was second... SECOND!!!! my life is now incomplete and life doesn't worth to be lived anymore... FML.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 September 2010 8:04

#101, Good lord that was basically incomprehensible and now I'm convinced woman can't drive or write :P

DialecticChaos 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:09

lololol everyone does it, it's ok.

Send a private message

Thursday 30 June 2011 7:23

does that mean yes! on planet fart lmao!!!!

nerdsgetmehot 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:10

That'll be a fun story to tell the kids!

nerdsgetmehot 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 September 2010 5:00

#97 What?

rottentomatoes 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:14

2, you are 2d.. keep working on your dream. and that really stinks man.. i cant even imagine how bad that must be :S

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:44

Hahaha, 8, it really does STINK, doesn't it? bwahaha I'm so clever and witty, it's not a dorky joke at all. I am so cool ::puts on sunglasses and leans way back:: B-) heh

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:15

Everybody farts. I did it once.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:31

Yeah... you're right... I have done it myself... once or twice...

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:16

FYL? Yo if I was the dude I'd be totally embarrassed, you silly female think of how he must've felt. FHL for marrying a self-centered chick like you.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:48

lol WHOOPS I MISS READ..

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:14

Why, hello, Miss Read.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:18

Haha, it could've been worse. :)

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:19

How does one fart out of surprise? I'm...confused?

shhhitsasecret 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 21:39

that's what I was wondering. lol.

Send a private message

Monday 22 October 2012 22:27

She was holding it in beforehand during dinner. Duh.

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:24

That had to have been hilarious lol did you say yes

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 70