Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML
Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?
Misshhh 23
One word: Condom
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Comments (168)
LennyComa 39
How does that even work?....Does he slap his dick? Or is it like a Barney Stinson self five but he does it for his Penis?
Polynomial 28
You hold your open palm slight above your tip, and bounce it up to make contact. I've mastered the technique and can wag mine like a dog tail, but vertically.
8born8 18
#55: And that's an extra 100 point bonus to you sir! I bet your missus knows when you're happy.
j_cat187 20
it depends on how 'gifted' he is.
RocketmanWelbz 17
There ain't nothing wrong with that
jennilis 0
You could think of it as slapping o? hat way, he's happy you're not pregnant but you're seeing at as him punishing himself for an annoying habit. also, go on the pill and skip a period for no other reason to see his panic. I imagine that would be an amusing form of revenge too :)
hamburgerjung 23
Save the human genpool! You know what to do ;)
8born8 18
*Genepool. And yes, the genepool shall be saved, provided you practice what you preach...
begganboy16 12
Plan to trick him and pretend to miss a period. Make him freak out completely and then teach him a lesson
Polynomial 28
How can you pretend not to have one? It's pretty hard to hide once you are sexually active.
ShitHappen_fml 15
How can someone give his penis a high five?!
BiaBauer 29
You don't use protection??! :/
randomvisitor 6
Here's what you should do to teach him never to do this again: Start the next strip of birthcontrol right after you finish the last, effectively delaying your period. Watch him sweat. Act worried. Watch him sweat some more. Take an icecream while enjoying watching him sweat. Perhaps even do it another month. Ask if he plans to get a job to provide for the baby. I'm sure you can think of some more evil (fun?) stuff to do...
steftriv 18
Everyone needs a ritual