Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML
Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?
Misshhh 23
One word: Condom
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Comments (168)
cheesebond 29
Pffpffpfpfpffpfpfpfpfpfpttt (red face, teary eyes, trying to hold back laughter)
thefallen12 13
So what?
americanezio 10
He's the real MVP
Fluckgworl 12
people like this live in the sane state as me. what is life
prettygurl89 16
This is really funny :-D
Leawkward 6
You must really love your boyfriend.
drc2010 13
my husband does the same thing g after we had our son 4 years ago lol
LondonderryAir 9
Have you considered that the reason he can't impregnate you is because he smacks his genitals every 4 weeks?
victoria63 12
that is awesome!!!
slyfox420 15
Did he high five your face?