Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML
Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?
Misshhh 23
One word: Condom
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Comments (168)
alex_gen 39
There's a new invention out there. Condoms.
ckerane 16
have you not herd of contraception anyway?
JOFreeman 13
Ridiculously funny :-)))
liza1922 7
Sounds like you're not using birth control, which you should be using if you don't want kids. I had my period the first two months each time I was pregnant
cityofdragonfire 8
please do not reproduce with this man. also, as retribution, give yourself a high five every time you make him climax. Maybe then, he'll see.
Axel5238 29
He'd find the fist bump funny most likely and it'd encourage him.
BornActor 8
That sounds like it would hurt.
Axel5238 29
Please don't have kids with this idiot. Having a healthy sense of humor is one thing, but someones sense of humor could also be a great sign of perpetual man child/frat boy.
drafrica 5
I am with him here! Happy No-fathers day!
ceelos97 16
Tell him to not that shit off
kev1029 22
Well the day you do get pregnant, you'll be wishing he'd still be high fiving it.